eh

A ROOM WITH A VIEW (1985)

SENSE AND SENSIBILITY (1995)

Ciarán Hinds as Captain Frederick Wentworth (Persuasion, 1995)

“As a friend.” Emma, that, I fear, is a word… Tell me, Emma. Have I no chance of ever succeeding? My dearest Emma, for dearest you will always be, my dearest, most beloved Emma, tell me at once. I cannot make speeches. If I… if I loved you less,then I might be able to talk about it more, but you…you know what I am. I have… I have lectured you, and I’ve… I’ve blamed you, and… and you have borne it as no other woman in England could have borne it. God knows I have been a very indifferent lover. But you understand me. You-you understand my feelings..

Coin toss whether Bingley would actually get to answer before Darcy turned around and flipped over a whiteboard like

and launched right into the most detailed migration pattern known to Regency England to keep the extraneous Bennets as contained as humanly possible by rotating them between various Bingley/Darcy estates. Like, we're talking about trading them off for minor holidays a decade out kind of detailed.

"If you and Jane take them for Lady Day ten years hence, Elizabeth and I will take them for Michaelmas. We'll all be together for Christmas and Midsummer, so we'll divide the responsibility individually on those days."

This would be followed by thirteen different spreadsheets projecting joint expenditures so Bingley knows what sort of financial commitment he'll be shouldering and how to minimize it, what proportion Darcy will take care of, what the estate plans are in case Darcy predeceases anybody, when they should probably roll out various stages to keep it from affecting their respective sisters' ability to maximize their own husband-hunting--whole nine yards.

Darcy does not know that he'll probably be murdered when the Bingley sisters find out why he asked for their social calendars. He'd be marginally fine with that at this point, because the fucking Napoleonic War campaigns were not as meticulously planned as his roadmap to getting the other three Bennets satisfactorily married, and Darcy feels about as able as if he'd spent the last year on Elba.

It takes Bingley a few minutes to realize why this is happening, then he's like

"You proposed to Elizabeth?! Congratulations!"

Darcy... knew there was something he was forgetting.

That man would have kicked the Collins's door open with four binders tucked under each arm, dumped them in a pile in front of Elizabeth, and loudly announced that if they get married tomorrow he can have her entire family except for Jane extraordinary renditioned to the Scottish moors by Sunday and then been like

With whom will you dance?

NORTHANGER ABBEY (2007)