From Sappy to Happy

Tell me, do I even belong in that little nook you’ve built yourself? Where you retreat when I call you out. And that’s it, isn’t it? You retreat. You always retreat. Never one to back down when things are good, yet when the going gets tough, you just go. So go. Why do you still keep me? Where am I? Where do I belong?

When I was young, I yearned for this security. And how lucky I am to have finally found it. But now, I’m proving that we always want what we don’t have. Where’s the fire? Where’s the excitement? Hear me. See me. Smother me with your love. Push me over the edge and then catch me from falling. Have your arms ready when my knees buckle. Don’t just keep me in your embrace. I’m not looking to be driven crazy with an immature, toxic, controlling type of love. But a love so strong, you feel feverish. But at the same time cooling when the heat of the world also gets you feeling ill.

Love me with all that you are, and I will do the same. Give me the best that you’ve got, and as will I. I don’t want a spectator, just clapping when I’m done with my shenanigans. Join in! Explode with me. Let’s create a masterpiece with a wide array of colors— they don’t even have to compliment each other. Just a great, big mess, but still wholly makes sense. I don’t want a surveyor. Be with me. And I mean, actually be with me.

Otherwise, you’ll lose me. And you’re already losing me. It’s just a matter of when my feet earn the courage to leap off this cliff.

I am a mess. I’m always a mess when I finish a book— let alone an entire series. It’s the parting of ways that’s very emotional for me. Spending days, weeks, even months with the same characters, feeling like you are of them. Or if not, then a spectator. An audience or observer from afar. You’re not really there, you’re not one of them, but you’re there. A part of their lives. Their world you created inside your head. Faces and personalities you spent your time with.

Anyway, onto my thoughts on the book: I don’t understand how others could’ve called it bad or “trash.” Yo! To Lauren Kate, it’s her art, her life at one point in her life. ‘Til now maybe? To others— fans— it’s a world they stepped into from their own world or reality that could’ve been miserable, lonely, cold, meaningless, Idk. An escape. And it was beautiful.

I don’t think there would ever be a book that I don’t like. I look at it as it is: art. Literature. Entertainment. Again, a different world we can step into and escape from our crappy, mundane lives. It’s wonderful.

But hey, different opinions. Yeah, I get it.

But this book. My heart is both happy and hurting. It’s bittersweet. Because it’s both Daniel and Luce, but not Daniel and Luce. They’re back to zero. But not really? In their last life are all their past lives that have molded them into this last one. Like Luce still being a good swimmer, and peonies are still her favorites; and her locket. Gosh! It’s still with her. Oh! And Daniel, meeting her for the first time in all black with his red scarf. Geezus! My heart sort of ached, both in a bad and good way, when Daniel told Luce looked like he knew her from somewhere. Like they’d already met. *sobs* They were falling in love again, for the first time and the last time. *sobs more intensely* It was beautiful. And their friends were there, too. Watching them meet again, which Daniel promised they would! Because he promised he would always find her. *SOBS*

I don’t know how long it will take me to read something else again. From past experience, years. *sigh* I will carry this story with me forever. Same with all the stories or books I’ve read before. It’ll stay with me— just like how Luce and Daniel’s love will stay forever. Their souls forever linked and entwined with one another. The love they have— conquering all, lasting through infinite lifetimes. Just Luce and Daniel, Daniel and Luce. Forever.