{ø} It felt like ages before she was pulled from the darkness that constantly claimed her, and it was no easy task, either. Her eyelids were heavy, and her body ached with every breath she took. She felt as if a boulder was placed in the center of her chest, and no matter how hard she tried, she could not reach up and move it. Pieces of words flowed past her.
Burned. Cut. Destroyed.
{ø} She couldn’t make out full sentences, and it was too much effort to try. She focused all her strength and energy into breathing.
Inhale. Exhale. Repeat.
{ø} She didn’t even bother trying to open her eyes. What was the use? She could only look up at a dingy roof with bright lights that added to the throbbing, intense pain behind her eyes. If no one else would, at least she would minimize whatever pain necessary.
{ø} She could feel movement around her, presumably Lab Coats, deciding what else they could hurt her with. How else they could make her suffer on Edward Elric’s behalf. She couldn't even fathom what else they could do, what else they could take. Another arm? Her leg? Her eyes? It didn’t matter anymore. She couldn’t find a part of her where pain did not touch. Maybe taking her other limbs, taking her eyes... maybe it would make all the pain stop. Maybe, if she didn’t have any more parts for them to take, it wouldn’t hurt anymore.
{ø} The thought gave her hope, a feeling she’d come to fear deep within her, but she couldn’t help but trust anyway. There was a hope she wouldn’t feel what they did to her anymore, hope they couldn’t put things in her, or cut things out.
Hope. Inhale. Exhale.
{ø} There was pressure on her arm, something she felt so lightly, it felt far away, like she was dreaming it. She cracked her eyes open and turned her head, pain radiating once more throughout her entire body. Her sight rested on a Lab Coat with glasses, light eyes and a round face. They were holding her arm with one hand, and with the other they held something thin, silver, and sharp. They inserted it into her arm, a pain so tame compared to what she felt she couldn’t even waste the energy in flinching, and pushed something in. It was cold, and she could feel it creeping up her arm, to her neck and her face. A feeling washed over her, one that relaxed all her muscles, and let her eyes slid close. The hope came back again as she focused on her breathing.
Inhale...
“Sir, the subject has been sedated. It’s heavy and should work itself through it’s system within a few hours. The muscles have already begun to relax. Brain, lung, and heart function will be the last to go.”
Her fellow scientist nodded, turning to tend to the lab materials on the table, shoving them in boxes and handing them off. She coughed quietly, adjusting her glasses.
“Sir?”
Her colleague turned and looked at her, annoyed.
“I... don’t understand why we couldn’t have disposed of it like the other subjects. I know the smell is strong but--”
“There are only so many organic materials you can burn without attracting attention. As it is, setting the lab aflame will be risky enough.”
“I understand sir, but, it just seems... inhumane. To let a subject die the way you’ve ordered.”
He laughed, and turned back to the lab materials, packaging beakers and tubes. “Well it’s a good thing it isn’t human then, isn’t it?”
{ø} There was not much she could recall after the Lab Coat with a round face put something in her arm. Time passed very slowly. Her body felt weightless and heavy at the same time. If she tried to think for too long, she would forget to focus on the breathing, and it would stop. She needed that.
{ø} But the pain had stopped, hope had been true this time. The pain had left her completely. In fact, she couldn’t feel much of anything. She moved in and out of consciousness, keeping her eyes closed, letting the weightless feeling overtake her, lift her up, mingle with the hope of no more pain. That was all that mattered. She reminded herself of that when she was lifted up, and moved to a big moving box. She reminded herself of it when the box twisted and turned her around like a rag doll.
She reminded herself when she wasn’t in the moving box anymore, but on something hard, cold, and sharp.
{ø} No more pain... I can’t feel it anymore... It feels... like nothing.
{ø} As if time had passed one-eight of it’s actual speed, she reached her hand out in front of her, fingers touching something smooth and cold. Grey and dusty, leaving residue on her hands. She couldn’t decipher what it was. When she couldn’t put the energy into trying to understand, she pushed on the ground, her perspective changing as her head rested on the cold ground below her.
{ø} Above her, zillions of white dots shone in a blue blanket. Some shone brighter than others, and through her half-lidded, blurry vision, they twinkled and shone even more. She’d never seen something so... pretty above her. So different was the dark sky with little lights from the dingy grey room with lamps. She remembered to focus on her breathing.
Inhale... Exhale... Inhale.....exhale...
{ø} The spaces between each one grew further and further apart, and the feeling of gold mingled with her feeling of weightlessness, making it hard to distinguish one from the other. But behind her closed eyes, she could still see the twinkly lights, flashing and shining above her. Her breathing slowed along with the time, and she felt her thoughts slurring and mixing together, becoming unintelegible even to her. But one thought stayed strong:
No more pain.
She woke up with a start, gasping for breath, as if no matter how much oxygen she sucked into her lungs, it wouldn’t match how much she truly needed. She shot up straight, hand clutching her chest, her breathing hard and heavy.
“Woah, woah there! Calm down! You need to relax or else you’ll go into shock!”
She looked over at the source of the sound, an old man with white hair and a hard face. His eyes were half-hidden behind tinted glasses, and his hands were raised in a surrendering motion. “I’m sure you’ve had a difficult time, I can only imagine, but still... your body is in a lot of trauma right now.”
She stared at him, feeling wary of his words. She looked down at herself. She was wearing a light colored t-shirt, and her hand was bandaged up to her elbow. Her other arm was missing.
“Who are you?” Her voice sounded strange, raw, as if it hadn’t been used in a long time.
“You can call me Shirou.” He sat down by the bed, looking over her arm before giving her space again.
“What... happened to me?”
“I have... absolutely no idea. I was going to ask you. I found you out by the cliffs. I smelled something strange, and after following it, I found you in the dirt face up, naked and barely breathing.”
She frowned. None of that rang any sort of bell for her. She couldn’t ever remember being in the dirt, or being naked... or dying? But shouldn’t people remember something like that?
“Whats your name?”
She looked up, realizing the old man was asking her what her name was. She opened her mouth, but stopped short, realizing she could only recall one name, a name that didn’t feel like hers.
“....Edward...”
“Edward? That’s an odd name for a young lady. You... are a lady?”
She shook her head. “That’s not... my name. It’s just... the only name I remember. And... I think so? I guess I am.” Lady felt about right. She shook her head a little, wincing at the feeling.
“Oh, you can’t remember your name? You must have gotten hit pretty hard not to remember. I’m sure it will come back to you.”
She looked over at him. “I...don’t think I ever had one? I can’t remember anything. I’m tryin’ to but it’s hurting my head... All i can recall is darkness... some weird bits here and there..”
“Well, you need a name then! We can go with E’s since that’s what you brought up. Let’s see Edelyn, Emma, Elena, Eden, oh, what about Evelyn!”
She shook her head. “That second to last one. What was that.”
“Eden?”
She nodded her head. She liked the sound of it.
“It means a safe place. Say... a sanctuary, or a haven.”
She looked down at her hand, nodding slowly. “I like that one. It’s short. Sounds nice. Hey, can I see myself?”
The old man looked rather shocked at her request. He left and returned with a mirror, handed it to her carefully, and sat back down. She took a moment to stare at the person who stared back.
The face in the reflection had cuts along her cheek and bottom lip. Dark circles under her eyes were made extra dark by a deep, purple bruise on the side of her face. More cuts littered her forehead, including one deep, stitched one over her eyebrow. She had honey colored hair that stopped at her shoulders, and bangs that covered the sides of her face, split right down the middle. But all of that paled in comparison to the bright, golden colored eyes that were studying the glass intently.
For some reason, the color made her stomach flop uncomfortably.
“...You’re missing a leg, too. Whatever accident you got in must have been pretty awful.”
She put the mirror down and stared at the old man, her heart sinking into her stomach. “So... can I walk again? Or am I just...gonna be stuck like this?”
“I can help you walk again. I make automail limbs. I can fit you with a new arm and leg. They’ll work just like your old ones, except feeling will be a little diminished.”
She nodded, looking down at her one hand again. Metal limbs? What a strange concept... but she supposed if it meant she could walk.. it wouldn’t matter.
“It will hurt. You’ll need a year or so to heal completely.”
She felt something in her fill her up, all the way to her fingertips. Something that made her feel ready for the pain, ready for it to hurt. It wouldn’t matter, as long as she’d be able to walk.
“I don’t care. I can handle it. Give me some limbs, Shirou.” She turned and smiled at him, feeling relief and dread and determination all at once.
After that, there wouldn’t be anymore pain. She’d be able to walk, and maybe Shirou was right...
Her name would come back to her eventually.
After that, the memories seemed to fly by the both of them. In a rush, the same way the Truth had been shoved into both their minds, Ed experienced Eden’s life through her eyes, and she relived them once more.
Her months of recovery after the automail surgery, with Shirou helping her relearn to walk, grasp things, feed herself. Her experimentation with alchemy, and the rush of memories that flooded her of the Gate of Truth.
Her first meeting with Dolcetto. The nights they shared, swapping stories about lives they couldn’t quite remember, at the bar, in his bed, laying together under the blankets on cold nights, laughing, pretending like darker demons weren’t lurking around them. The way they fell in love, fast and hard hitting, knocking them both over in feelings they weren’t quite ready to handle yet, but dove into them anyway.
Her first encounter with Greed, who confused her with some other person she’d never met. How their casual bickering turned into a bond much deeper than anything she could have ever imagined. All the time they spent together, drinking, laughing, yelling. The one time they jumped in a lake in just their underwear, laughing like the little kids they were, hiding from the city security, Greed holding her up the entire time, knowing if he let her go she’d sink, and taking that responsibility as her older brother, as he so often called himself. Protecting her from harm’s way because he wouldn’t let his posessions get hurt.
The first time she met Edward, and how confused she felt, not understanding how someone could look so much like her, but finally understanding why she was allowed into so many state libraries for research.
The confusion that followed that meeting, and how every time Eden looked in the mirror, she couldn’t shake the feeling that something was wrong.
That she was wrong.
The first time Pride nearly killed her, and the fight with Greed that followed.
“You should have let him kill me! Why the hell do you always jump in and save my ass?!”
“What, I shouldn’t have? Why the hell would I let him kill you, Eden?”
“Because I’m not supposed to exist! Don’t you get it? I don’t belong here!”
The fight she and Dolcetto had, over the same exact reasoning.
His disappearance that followed soon after.
Every single night Eden spent, alone, in another city, far away from Greed and Ling, trying to research, to understand, who she was and where she came from, and why she looked so much like Edward Elric.
The lectures she’d receive when she came back home, for disappearing without letting Greed know, and how worried and angry he was with her.
Every fight they had after Pride’s first attack, about how Eden’s recklessness would get her killed, and how much she truly wished it would happen, because she knew she didn’t belong.
The night Edward burst into her apartment, accusing her of being evil, of working with Father, of being out to get him, out to destroy his good name.
The feeling of pure dread she felt when he finally left, cold and uncaring about her pleas to believe her. How she felt too weak to even rid herself of existance like she knew she should have, and instead, how she ran, ran down streets and alleys until she ran smack into someone she’d never seen, and followed them through a door to a place she’d never seen before.
What it felt like to be in a new place, a whole new world, one that knew nothing of Edward Elric, or his clone. How she could be an entirely new person here, and no one would ever know. The feeling of hope and cowardice that came with that realization.
Eden’s first meeting with Rin. How they became fast friends. How he almost killed her once when he lost control of his demon form, and how she sealed his sword until he calmed down. How Rin tried to make it up to her by taking her out on a date to a restaurant.
Memories of how an awkward friendship blossomed into more, leading to late nights watching movies, falling asleep on each other. Pretending that kissing in back closets, sharing blankets, relaxing in a hot tub together meant nothing, and they were still only friends, but they knew better.
The time they fully confessed to each other that they meant more, that they wanted to mean more. Every time Rin left for a mission and came back home to scoop her up in a hug, kiss her cheek, and carry her off to bed so they could sleep, which is how they spent most of their time together, curled up in each other’s embrace.
Eden’s struggle with learning and adapting to a new world, with new technology and a new language, and new evils. Rin teaching her how to use a camera phone, how to text, how to say “I love you “ in Japanese. Her confession to Rin, about how she wasn’t entirely human, she was just a copy of someone else, a doll, and how he, being so sweet and oblivious and in love, couldn’t truly grasp the concept enough to care or change his mind about how he felt about her.
And her final memory, of Eden holding Rin close, while they laid in his bed.
“I don’t want you to go... I need you here, Eden. What if we don’t ever see each other again? There’s no way I can pass the exorcists exam! I’m too much of an idiot!” He buried his face in her chest and hugged her tight, tail wrapping around her.
“Rin shut up, of course you can! You’re not book smart, sure, but you’re a great exorcist. You’ve gained so much control over your powers! C’mon you’ll do fine.” She kissed the top of his head, brushing his hair back. “I-I promise I’ll try and come back. I want to come back. You’re my new home, okay? I want to stay here.”
“Then stay! Why do you even want to go back! You said you didn’t feel like you belonged there. I want you to be safe. I don’t want this to be the last time we see each other.”
“I have to go back to help. My friend is there, and he’s probably pissed I left without even telling him somethin’! Greed isn’t the easiest person to calm down, either... I’ll be careful okay? I don’t want this to be the last time we see each other either.” She held his face and wiped away a tear with her thumb.
“No one thinks I can pass the exam.”
“Well, fuck ‘em. I think you can. And I’m more important than everyone else, aren’t I?” She huffed.
He looked away and pouted. “...A little...”
“Exactly! Now c’mon we have one more night. We should do somethin’ not so sad, you baby.” She kissed him and smiled, hoping she could hide the dread deep in her heart that she may not come back, and she’d die in a place everyone hates her. A place she didn’t belong.
After that, there was emptiness, a dark void that seemed to endlessly engulf her. She felt drained, violated, empty...
She could already feel that emptiness begin to fill with anger.
Anger that even her memories could not be her own. Anger that she was truly nothing more than a copy. Anger that her self-hate stemmed from so much more than just “not belonging”. It grew, enveloping her, swallowing every other feeling or thought. It filled all the blackness, all the emptiness that surrounded her, growing large enough to leak through the cracks of whatever contained her.
Back in front of the Gate of Truth, Eden continued to lie unconscious, blood beginning to drip from her open mouth, staining the bright white of the floor. The Truth stood over her, smiling widely at Edward.
“Do you feel that, Edward Elric?” Truth laughed. “You are about to see how different you and her really are.” It lifted a hand and waved, the laughter echoing.
“Enjoy the show.”
Just like that, they were thrust back into the real world, away from the realm of Truth’s Gate. Just as before, Eden lay unmoving on the ground, blood dripping from her mouth, body limp, as the men in lab coats stood by the bushes, unmoving. Watching, waiting, murmuring among themselves about reactions,and results and successes of their most difficult experiment.
