golden

there were more times than not that noah wished he could just take stephen’s hand and the two of them could just disappear. he never gave much thought to where they’d go or what they’d do, but if it were just the two of them together, without the threat of war looming, without the ghosts of his mistakes and his family haunting him, things would be so much better. he loved stephen, he did. some days that was the only thing he could be certain of. he squeezed stephen’s hand, too, comforted slightly.

he sat up, swinging his legs off of stephen and moving so they were now sat side-by-side. he let his head rest on his boyfriend’s shoulder. “ i’ve never been the sort to put so much thought into anything, ” he remarked glibly. “ maybe that’s what’s causing me pause. ” he let out a short but sharp exhale through his nose, a feeble laugh following. it wasn’t. they both knew that. “ i don’t — the longer it takes for me to do this, the longer people think i’m just death eater spawn too, you know ? i don’t want that either. ”

noah’s shoulders fell at that admission. maybe it was selfish to say that, that he cared about what and who people saw him as, but he knew that the rest of his reasons for wanting to join dumbledore’s army were solid and sound. he hated death eaters. he bristled seeing their pictures in the daily prophet, and his stomach turned with every mention of their atrocities. he didn’t agree with them. he hadn’t, not now and now ever, he thought. with this year, and even some of the most recent few past, he had become friends with those who weren’t pureblooded. the idea of losing them hit hard. he couldn’t think on that too long.

“ i had almost forgotten about that. ” he still remembered how he felt at the walk-out. there was a rush of emotions that day. fear, bravery, anxiety. it felt like forever ago. a part of him didn’t recognize the person he was then. he was still acting to piss off his parents, he was still trying to prove he wasn’t a monster to stephen. “ i didn’t regret it. ” at least, he didn’t after the night had passed, rest providing him the energy to quell the rush of regret he felt when it initially was over. “ i still don’t. ”

he let out a laugh and a smile finally pulled at his lips. he leaned over, pressing a kiss to stephen’s cheek before letting out a soft exhale. “ i don’t know what i’d do without you. ” this rang true, and noah found himself nodding to support his words. for as much as noah had to grow for himself, stephen was still an anchor in his life, keeping him rooted to something good and something strong. “ whatever rules you’re following to be a good boyfriend, ” noah couldn’t help but snort, “ keep following them. you’re doing a damn good job. ”

stephen shuffled slightly as noah relaxed against him. on one hand, he couldn’t really empathize with whatever ostracization noah could end up facing for this decision - all that he had personally had to deal with was stern conversations from sally anne and wayne when they had found out about him in dumbledore’s army. so it was possible that he wasn’t the best person to give any advice on the matter. but noah trusted him enough to share this information, and stephen was going to do his damn best to help him. 

he stayed quiet, listening until he was sure that noah had gotten all of his thoughts out. “i mean, if people still think of you poorly or get angry at you or whatever after you join da, then perhaps they’re not meant to be in your life,” he pointed out. “you can’t control what people think of you or how they see you - but you can control who you keep in your life. and frankly? if anyone still wants to think you’re death eater spawn, then fuck ‘em. because you don’t need that kind of energy in your life. the people worth keeping around are the ones who will support you, even if they don’t understand.” he kissed noah softly, quickly, before pulling back. one of noah’s comments from earlier was still bugging him - and stephen was never one to let things go.

“i know you don’t like to hear it, but...” he started to speak, before trailing off, smiling slightly as ran his thumb lightly along the curve of noah’s cheekbone. “i really am proud of you, noah. i hope you know that. because you deserve to hear it,” he murmured - even though they were alone in the common room, stephen kept his voice soft in case anyone else may have heard them. there were certain things that needed to belong to just him and noah, and this conversation was one of them. “not just about dumbledore’s army but - everything. i mean, hell, you’ve changed so much since i met you, and i... i don’t know.” it was difficult, especially since noah seemed to be harder on himself than anyone else was. but there was also a need for stephen to express how he felt about noah. 

tilting his head slightly, he paused. “sometimes i just wish you could see yourself in the way that i see you, even if it was only for a moment” he added quietly. stephen knew that his own view of noah and noah’s view of noah would be dramatically different. “i imagine it would be a bit of a shock to you.” if there was one thing that he felt was a necessity, it was to continually remind noah that he was good and kind, that he’d believe people when they told him they were proud. stephen briefly wondered if it would’ve been different if he’d really gotten to know noah sooner at hogwarts, perhaps helping to break down whatever damage the runcorn family had already done. during this conversation it had crossed stephen’s mind that he’d want to protect noah from whatever negative opinions their classmates would have of him regarding anything - but not until now did stephen realize that some of those opinions were going to come from noah himself. 

stephen leaned forward again, pressing his lips against noah’s. he stayed still, even keeping their foreheads pressed together once he’d moved away from the kiss. “you’re a good person, noah. and i hope you’ll eventually love yourself even half as much as i love you.” 

Sally-Anne could probably count on one hand all of the times she and Stephen had ever fought. It wasn’t something she was used to, looking up at her best friend and feeling anger where there was usually nothing but affection. Keeping something like the rekindling of his relationship with Noah a secret, she could understand… but this? Something that had the capacity to hurt Wayne so deeply the longer it went unmentioned? No, this was a decision she just couldn’t support Stephen for making. 

“For your information, I’ve already talked to Mandy. I made it clear to her that if she doesn’t step up and do the right thing soon, I’m going to do it for her. Because that’s what friends do, they don’t withhold information like that.” Sally-Anne wasn’t yelling, but her voice shook with anger after each word. “The only thing protecting him from the truth does is make it hurt so much more when he finally does realize. I mean, come on Stephen, you of all people should know that.” She paused for a moment — bringing up what happened with Noah was sure to wound him, but it seemed like the only way to make him understand. 

“Let’s say Wayne or I had found out that Noah was lying to you before you did. Are you really saying you wouldn’t have wanted us to tell you? You would’ve preferred to keep being happy and ignorant? Because clearly, that worked out well for you.” 

He wasn’t expecting it - maybe he’d thought about it before himself on different occasions, or had the similarity cross his mind. But as soon as Sally-Anne brought up what had happened Noah, Stephen instantly recoiled. She may as well have slapped him across the face - it would’ve shocked him just the same. He was trying his best to put everything behind him ( he’d forgiven Noah, he’d tried to stop thinking about it ) - and yet that reminder of how foolish he’d been seemed to drag him back to the beginning. 

Maybe she was right - maybe he wasn’t thinking about things in the way he should’ve been. Maybe he wasn’t thinking about what would’ve led to Wayne getting hurt, maybe he was only thinking what would keep Wayne happy in the now. Maybe he’d made a mistake. But hearing Sally-Anne bring up one of the worst things he’d ever gone through simply to prove a point? That hurt. A wave of nausea rolled over him, his stomach lurching as he realized it wasn’t even from the booze at this point. He’d never fought with Sally-Anne like this, and that made it all the worse. “I guess you’re a better person than me - a better friend,” he finally mumbled as he looked at the ground, in reference to her telling him about what she had said to Mandy. 

“I fucked up, I get it... But honestly, Sally Anne? I never thought that you... you of ALL people would use what happened with Noah against me like this.” He dragged the back of his hand over his mouth, feeling the sour taste rise in his throat, before looking around. “I think I’m gonna be sick,” he mumbled, before pushing his way through a group of people, looking for a wastebin.

     seamus was clenching his jaw so hard that he was sure something was going to shatter.  he didn’t really care what the carrows did to him anymore  ( he supposed his self-preservation was at an all time low )  but he refused to allow any of his peers to get sucked down into the vortex with him.  he didn’t want anyone to lose themselves in the unforgivable curses — or worse, try to be a hero and end up receiving the same punishments.  as far as he was concerned, he was carrying out this vendetta against their headmasters solo.

     he shook his head vigorously.  “just do it,”  he muttered to stephen.  “don’t be a hero.”  seamus was having deja vu, had practically lived this same encounter with morag right before christmas.  it hadn’t ended well for them.  and he knew this wouldn’t either, considering stephen had a far stronger spine than morag.  but it wasn’t going to stop him from trying.  

     “unless you’re scared?”  seamus raised his voice, loud enough for the rest to hear now.  he knew stephen would listen to reason about as well as he himself would, so he switched tactics.  he was banking on the fact that cornfoot couldn’t back down from a challenge.  his eyes tried to communicate:  just do it.  fake it.  surely stephen wouldn’t be able to mean it, right?

stephen knew that he’d never be able to raise his wand and perform an unforgivable - carrow’s voice always seemed to ring in the back of his thoughts, reminding him that he needed to “mean it” for the hex to make any sort of impact. and by no means did stephen want to torture seamus - let alone anyone else in the room. he rolled his eyes and seamus’ attempt to egg him on. the day that stephen cast an unforgivable on someone who didn’t deserve was the day that he could no longer consider himself a good person. 

after all, the only person in this room that deserved the unforgivable was amycus.

the more he thought, the more his emotions grew stronger. people being tortured, people being killed, people going missing - it was all due to amycus and his friends. he raised his wand, aiming it at seamus for a moment, meeting eyes with him. he didn’t know if he was going to drag seamus down with him with this decision, because all possible outcomes seemed to spell disaster. but he was tired of just doing nothing. “i’m supposed to mean it, right?” he asked, feigning stupidty - at which amycus let out a laugh. 

if there was one thing that he was good at, it was being impulsive and making bad decisions. stephen moved quickly, swinging his arm around to point his wand at amycus. “crucio!” he called out. he saw a weak stream of light leave his wand, completely diffusing into nothingness within seconds. 

stephen cornfoot;

OPEN.

when: january 22nd, 1998; 05:10pm

where: the great hall

no one would see susan bones on a broomstick, she’d sworn that to herself and the world as soon as flying classes in first year were over. however, as terrible in them as she was, quidditch always held one particularly fun prospect: the euphory of her house during their matches. as an avid muggle football fan, the spirit was similar enough, as were the tactics of support - while susan showed up to no game but those of her housemates, when she came, with her was a merch store’s worth of banners and cards, embellished t-shirts and, of course, the occasional (moderate) face paint. this year should be no different or, if anything, it should be bigger, louder and in a much brighter shade of yellow. the table on the great hall was nearly covered by a long strip of white fabric in which the girl had already done some light sketching and now came the time to pain the words of cheer for her house and the simplistic illustrations of badgers eating lions. right in front of students from every house. just a couple of tables from the gryffindors and their own arts and crafts. “do you think the badgers are a little too much? no, right? first year boy thought so and i told him that in my first year three students dressed up as badgers during our final game of the season. they looked bloody ridiculous.”

if there was one thing that stephen enjoyed about quidditch being back - other than the actual game, of course - it was seeing how excited the rest of the house was over it. just one of the many reasons that being the captain of the hufflepuff team made him so happy. which was why when he came to sit down at the table and saw the elaborate set up that susan had going, it only left him smiling even more. “i think it needs more badgers, honestly. i didn’t dress up as a badger that year just to have my reputation forgotten. and i think you meant absolutely adorable,” he said with a laugh, before he took the seat beside her. “is this supposed to be a banner?” he asked. “because you know with this out there in the crowds, there’s absolutely no way that the gryffindor team can beat us. this is some definite foreshadowing for the upcoming match? you think it’d be too much to hang this by the gryffindor common room prior to the match?”

Having been Stephen’s best friend since they were eleven, Sally-Anne had gotten fairly good over the years at reading him; which was why when he only continued to feign surprise, her concern only grew. What was he hiding from her? Why was he hiding it from her? She looked at Stephen expectantly, waiting for him to come out with some other explanation that didn’t involve him keeping information to himself that Wayne should know. But when he finally told the truth, Sally-Anne wasn’t appeased — much to her surprise, she found herself growing angry. 

“So… hang on, let me get this straight. You’ve known about Mandy’s family for a while, and you — you didn’t think that maybe you should’ve told Wayne? I mean, Merlin, I’ve only known for a few days and I’ve felt awful keeping it to myself. Which I’ve only been doing because I want to give Mandy a chance to come clean herself, by the way. How long is a while, even? Weeks? Months? Bloody hell, Stephen, what on earth made you think that was okay? Wayne is your best mate. You’ve known that someone he cared about has been lying to him, and you just… did nothing? What kind of bullshit is that?”

The buzz that Stephen had going was drifting in another direction the longer this conversation continued. As soon as he noticed the anger on Sally-Anne’s face, his stomach churned uncomfortably. He quickly shook his head as she continued to talk. “No - that’s not... it’s not like that,” he tried to defend, even though everything she said was completely accurate and made the guilt feel even worse. He hadn’t made a dumb decision in not telling Wayne - had he? 

“You make me sound like I did it because I don’t care about him, Sally-Anne,” he pointed out, narrowing his eyes as his head started to ache. “And just so you know, I have tried to talk to Mandy about it, on a few different occasions, actually - both about her family and her lying to Wayne. And I - I don’t know,” he trailed off, shrugging his shoulders and wishing that he hadn’t finished his drink. “I guess I didn’t want to be one responsible for ruining Wayne’s happiness. I had hoped that Mandy would eventually do the right thing, so I didn’t need to mess up one of the few things that made Wayne happy... I mean, he’s my best friend. You really think I’d keep something from him without a good reason? I only have his best intentions in mind - even if this decision maybe was a little stupid.” 

He frowned, already starting to think about how this knowledge was going to hurt Wayne - and if he found out that Stephen had known for a while? He could be even more hurt. Looking back at Sally-Anne, he furrowed his brows in frustration. “Why are you treating me like I’m the one who did something wrong? I don’t see you out here yelling at Mandy - only me. I didn’t lie to Wayne. I was trying to protect him.” 

merlin, so much talk about quidditch. stephen wasn’t upset by it - after all, his life did just about revolve around the sport. he let out a laugh as tracey positioned the question to him. feigning concentration, stephen rested his chin in his hand, tapping on cheek as if he was in deep thought.

“i mean, it’s no contest that slytherin has the other best captain,” he replied with a grin. “and i’m only a little bit biased when i say that.” not that it was a much of a contest - versus someone who’d been given the role of captain by default three weeks ago, and - well, morag. 

with a sigh, stephen wrinkled his nose as he continued to think. “i don’t know - certain parts of certain teams are better than the other - i’m pretty sure that a flobberworm would be a better seeker than the one slytherin has...” he didn’t have a concrete answer - more because he didn’t want to stroke anyone else’s ego. “if any of the other teams beat us, then i guess i’d think about saying they might be good.” 

send ✖ for my muse to land on yours during spin the bottle.

in theory, stephen really didn’t care about playing spin the bottle - namely because the only person he wanted to kiss anymore was his boyfriend. but he was one the hosts of the party, after all - and it seemed in bad taste for him to not join in with the rest of the crowd as they gathered in a circle around the green bottle. he was settled nicely in the state between being tipsy and full on drunk, so as he watched everyone begin to spin the bottle and kiss one another, he was the type who’d cheer and holler to encourage them at it.

as ernie went up to spin the bottle, stephen let out a hoot, even as the bottle started to slow down and eventually ended up pointing straight at him. “come on, macmillan,” he called out, only sloshing some of his drink on himself - damn parvati for her dare, being shirtless through the whole party was actually a lot colder than he figured it’d be. he shuffled towards the center of the circle to meet ernie halfway. “hope you’re ready for the best kiss of your life!” his voice was teasing as he laughed again.

he reached forward and took ernie’s face in his hands, before kissing him. it’s quick and all stephen can really taste is the sour aftertaste of whatever liquor they’ve both been drinking, but he pulls away with another laugh after. “that’s another roommate kissed!”

his hands automatically went out to catch her as she started to trip, but he leaned down as she beckoned for him to come closer. he was happy - laughing and smiling and not worrying - and to see that everyone else was feeling the same at the party he’d worked to plan just made things even better.

“soph!” he exclaimed, his hands going up to brace themselves against her forearms. “you seem like you’re having fun! are you having fun? i hope so,” he said, before he grinned widely. her compliment was out of nowhere, but he didn’t mind. “you’re the sweetest! i’m forever in your debt for helping me to pass arithmancy, you know,” he said with a laugh. before he grabbed her hand and started looking for the nearest liquor table. “come on, let’s do a shot together.” 

Maybe Stephen’s just drunk, or maybe this isn’t the time for them to be discussing this — but either way, Sally-Anne realizes immediately that something is off. He doesn’t seem to be reacting in any way close to what she would expect from someone who just found out that his best friend is being deceived by his girlfriend. Merlin, this is Stephen; under normal circumstances, Sally-Anne would be holding him back by now to prevent him from storming off to confront Mandy personally. 

“Hang on, why aren’t you actually surprised?” She questions, her voice taking on an edge that isn’t necessarily accusatory, but certainly suspicious. Sally-Anne doesn’t want to come right out and say it, she has no desire to accuse Stephen straightaway of already knowing about this, because she knows it’s impossible that he could know and not have told her and/or Wayne by now. Especially after everything he went through with Noah last year, there’s no way he would just keep that kind of information to himself. He couldn’t. 

“Stephen?” Sally-Anne prods once more after a moment. “What’s going on with you?”

And here he thought his fake surprised face would’ve been able to sway her. Perhaps he’s not quite as good of an actor as he thought he was, but Stephen does his best to continue to overexaggerate his look of shock. “Huh?” he eventually answers, trying to think of how he should be reacting. If this was the first time he’d heard about this, what would he do? Hex Mandy himself? The thought is appealing. “Nothing’s going on. I’m just - shocked. In a state of shock that she would do this to Wayne. And I’m... I’m outraged. Furious, even. How could Mandy do something like this?” he tried again, hoping that she’d eventually take the bait and they could drop the subject or move on. 

But even as they’re still standing there, he’d be lying if he didn’t feel the smallest bit of relief that Sally-Anne was aware of the truth now. He’d spent the last months aware of Mandy’s history, and felt like absolute shit for thinking poorly of the person that Wayne was in love with without anyone else to confide in. Not that Mandy was undeserving of that hate - but he’s supposed to always have Wayne’s back, no matter what. 

Maybe Sally Anne knowing wasn’t a bad thing. Stephen sighed, before frowning and shrugging his shoulders. “Fuck. Look - I know she’s a blood purist, Sal. I’ve known for - well, a while. My mum - it’s her business to know who’s in that world of people, and Mandy’s family has a reputation.” 

stephen almost chokes on his drink as he starts to laugh. leave it to morag to use the party game to try and figure out some way that she can get the upper hand in quidditch. 

asking stephen if he has a strategy is a waste of a question - because even if he was someone who’d share things like that, he’s also very much someone who comes up with things at the absolute last minute. meaning a strategy is something he’ll think of later. shaking his head, he shrugs before turning to morag and grinning. “a strategy? i don’t know. a strategy usually means that you’re worried about losing in the first place. which, let’s be honest - after seeing the slytherin-ravenclaw game, i’m definitely not worried.”

he lets out another laugh, before looking over to noah. “you know, maybe i’ll just use the same strategy that slytherin did of being the better team on the pitch. seemed to work damn well for them.”  

he lets out a laugh at the dare, grinning at parvati. when he’d picked dare, he’d been expecting something wild. this, in comparison to some things that he would dare others to do, was relatively tame. not that he minded. he wanted to enjoy the party and make sure as many other people did as possible - while avoiding embarrassment and/or humiliation. 

putting his drink on the ground, he shrugged his shoulders. “if that’s the worst you got, i can deal with it.” he grabbed the hem of his jumper and pulled it over his head, before pulling off the thin undershirt that was left behind. holding his arms out now that he was completely shirtless, he tossed his shirts to the side of the couch, hoping he’d remember to pick them up later

“merlin, it’s fucking cold. guess i better take another drink to warm up,” he said with smile, before holding his cup up and finishing it. “alright, who’s next!” 

WHEN: january 25th, 10:32pm WHERE: hufflepuff common room WHO: @aureliians

Sally-Anne was completely lost in regards to this whole Mandy situation. Telling Wayne would surely break his heart, but on the other hand — if Mandy wasn’t going to tell him the truth, Sally-Anne wasn’t about to let him continue being deceived. Now was certainly not the time or place to tell him, but even surrounded by friends having a good time, this was all she could think about. Making a snap decision, she pulled Stephen to the side of the room. If she could tell anyone, she could tell him. 

“Hey, Stephen, I’ve — got to tell you something,” she began nervously. There was no telling how Stephen would take something like this, whether he would go and confront Mandy or worse, tell Wayne right then and there. But Sally-Anne would burst if she didn’t say anything. “Mandy hasn’t told her family about Wayne. They’re… I mean, I knew they were pureblood, but I think they’re pureblood pureblood. And she just hasn’t told Wayne any of this.”

As soon as he hears Mandy’s name, Stephen knows that he’s had way too many drinks for this conversation, and he resists rolling his eyes. He wants to have fun, he wants drink, he wants to make out with Noah until he’s forgotten how to do anything else - he does not want to talk about Mandy being a blood purist. 

But Sally-Anne is still talking, and Stephen’s thoughts aren’t working as coherently as they should be. He takes a long sip from his drink - if perhaps to buy him some time to think on how to respond. Maybe he can change the subject. Or pretend he didn’t hear her. He coughs slightly, because he still has no way to evade this conversation. It’s not his fault Mandy is a blood purist - all he was trying to do was protect both Wayne and Sally-Anne from the truth. “Oh,” he says simply, widening his eyes and trying out his best fake surprised expression. “That’s - wow. Incredible. I never would’ve guessed that could happen. Who would’ve even imagined that? Poor Wayne.” 

Sally Anne is one person that’s always been able to read him like a book, and for that he’s usually grateful... but this is one instance in which Stephen wished that she wouldn’t be able to see through him.