auratas

a lot has happened in the last couple of months/year. lost a few people that i’m honestly glad are gone from my life b/c there isn’t anymore drama but it still bothers me. maybe cause i care too much? 

1. i’m bothered because A NO. 1 is a fucking cunt and only cares about herself. she actually actively tries to avoid me now, pls grow up already. i didn’t actually do anything directly to her- but apparently this whole thing is because i put her in a “tough” position with my ex. pls. i didn’t ask you to anything and if you were really that bothered by it, you never told me about it. and you turned on me anyways, so why does it matter anyways? where do your loyalties really lie? obviously not with me, cause i’m the villain in this scenario, as you’ve so graciously and logically decided. 

and on top of that, how dare you fuck (with) F? PLS BITCH I INTRODUCED YOU TO HIM FIRST OTHERWISE YOU WOULD HAVE NEVER MET HIM. 

and the whole finsta deal? she’s actually crazy, jeez.

there are so many things that i understand about her now that we’ve parted ways, and i can honestly say that’s she’s not a good person. she’s good at pretending to be, like really good, but she really isn’t.

2. how is A NO. 2 denying everything? Like bitch you fucking stole for people how are you denying it, pls. you fucking stole from me and you think that i wouldn’t notice? you didn’t think that someone was going to notice, eventually? i was blind enough to support you with complete honesty as a friend and listen to your lies, which you took and threw straight back into my face. i’m angry because i let you stay in my HOME, let you use my THINGS without question, and let you tell me how your LIFE was sad and oh what a struggle, boohoo. and to think that people still are friends with her and believe her...but that was once me, so i don’t entirely blame them.

it took me a while to realize it, but this is someone who truly needs help and is completely delusional. 

also have never seen her finsta but fuck her, she’s a crazy cunt too.

3. i’ve never told anyone this, have never voiced this out loud or have put it down in writing, but i can see now that my former relationship was really quite a mess and was actually pretty unhealthy. towards the end, it was just petty fight after petty fight. i dunno, i just really fell out of love (maybe i never really loved him and it was just young naive love?) and he hadn’t i didn’t realize until after we broke up that i should have done it earlier. it was a long time coming and he was just holding out hope that i would stay. by not breaking up with him, i made it worse.

it’s funny because no one ever knew how our relationship was really like. even if you think you you know or you’re actual official third wheel, no one really knows what’s going on except those two people in the relationship.

4. it’s not even that i’m bothered by the constant loss/waste of my money because i’m still paying for a place that i’m not fucking living in, but it’s the fact that i really believed that these people cared about ME and were good friends. god, it’s so fucked up. i must be fucked up for letting these people manipulate their way into my life. 

5. if you read through this, i swear i’m sane. i’m just so beat down and tired, even though i pretend i’m not. and this was complete word vomit, so kudos for understanding what was going on, if you did understand.