yearning and craving and bored

shane and ilya will die if they’re not touching (“okay those two are definitely together”)

svetlana and ilya and rose go clubbing but shane goes to bed early and they come back to the hotel drunk asf, arms around eachother, dying of laughter (“oh so it’s a throuple?”)

shane and rose go on a sunrise hike and rose is leaning on shane and they’re casual huggers (“maybe those two are also dating bc no way is he cheating on the guy?”)

svetlana scolding ilya about wearing sunscreen in russian and he’s arguing back (“that sounds like wife yelling not friend yelling”)

svetlana and rose being super touchy and complimenting eachother a lot and doing eachothers hair (“oh lord they’re so hot together”)

shane holding hands with both ilya and rose (“aww that’s sweet”)

they’re eating breakfast at the hotel and they’re all feeding each other and grabbing things for each other and “try the orange juice it’s so good” and “i got you coffee” (“maybe they’re poly?”)

One would think that hearing a very distinct, clearly audible, reasonably loud and rapidly approaching sound of any kind would make any reasonable mammal turn to look at the direction of the sound, just purely by instinct?? If a deer heard something nearby go DING DING DING DING DING DING at its general direction, it would at least look up to see whether the source of the sound is a threat or not? Just a quick "is that something I need to be concerned about?" type of glance.

People are misunderstanding OP in the notes, but I have experienced exactly this. This is what the bike lanes near my house look like every day around the time the schools let out. Featuring:

Teenagers walking in a row

Parent with buggy blocking the bike lane (often on phone)

Out of control toddler doing unpredictable zigzags

Person walking their dog on the opposite side so that the leash blocks both paths

"Yuna," he says, shifting his elbows on the table to point at it. "What is this on his hand? Was broken?"

Shane's head snaps up from across the table, where he's pretending that Photo Album Time is very boring to him and not worth paying attention to. He hasn't scrolled on the article he's pretending to read for over five minutes.

"I never broke a bone as a kid," he says, brows furrowed. "Not until U13, when that fucking kid from Guelph--"

Yuna and Shane both inhale quickly through their noses in what Ilya has learned to recognize as a moderative measure, lest they start yelling about something that everyone else on Earth has forgotten about.

"No," Yuna says, once her face looks a little less intense. "No, it wasn't broken. It was this...contraption that the dentist gave us to correct his thumb-sucking. He was so mad about it, we only put it on him a few times."

"Oh, Jesus," Shane mutters, eyes going back to his phone.

"Aw," Ilya says. "Poor baby Shane." He taps his finger against one little red cheek and laughs. "You really do look so mad, sweetheart. How did you make him stop?"

"Hmm...you know, I don't remember," Yuna sighs, tilting her head. "I guess he just stopped by himself eventually. Do you remember, Shane?"

"No," Shane says, shortly.

"Of course, that didn't get rid of the oral fixation," Yuna sighs, adjusting her reading glasses as she flips the page. "The things you used to chew on, Shane. Pens and straws and--"

"Mom," Shane snaps, while Ilya vibrates beside him. "Can we not?"

"I was afraid to give him popsicles because I thought he would gnaw on the sticks until he got a splinter in his stomach."

"Mom!"

"Well, honey, it's true! And you did outgrow it eventually, so it's not as if you have to be embarrassed."

"Oh, you did?" Ilya says, shoulders shaking. "You outgrew the, uh, oral fixation?"

"Stop," Shane hisses.

"Mm. Excuse me." Ilya stands from the table and sweeps out onto the back porch, though the sliding door does nothing to prevent the sound of his guffaws from floating back into the kitchen.

"You know," Yuna says, "I'm just going to assume that this is some kind of language barrier thing--"

They have no kings, no gods, and no laws beyond what's fair and what's funny. They will respect you in their own way, but only on their own terms.

You cannot shame a clown in any way that matters.

You cannot silence the clowns in any way that matters.

The only way to offend a clown is to try to silence them.

double points if they don't even plan to do it. they decide to soft launch via no longer actively hiding their relationship, just slowly acting more like a couple around other people. they're both at some event and ilya finds shane and just wraps his arm across his shoulders, which maybe that could just be ilya being ilya, but then shane just leans into it? like this is fine and normal? and when someone questions it shane panics and is just like "why wouldn't i? he's my boyfriend" and whoever they're talking to is like "what? since when?" and ilya is immediately onboard with this game "since 2017."

they just keep doubling down "you don't remember me sneaking out to go visit him every time we played in boston? you were all chirping me about it."

"wait, did you two drive here together?" "why would we take separate cars, we live together?" "you WHAT?"

when someone thinks they're joking they bring up the group chat with shane's parents, ilya scrolls back to a text where yuna calls him her favorite son. they bring up a video clip jackie sent of the twins saying "we love you uncle ilya!" shane brings up his thread with svetlana where she sends him russian words and phrases she thinks he should know.

they quickly enlist everyone who already knew, get them all onboard to pretend like their relationship wasn't ever top secret information. shane posts a picture of him with anya, when someone comments "that looks just like ilya rozanov's dog?" he just replies "yeah, we adopted her several months ago" and ilya replies "love our daughter ❤️"