Strangers Again

“Better late than never” I was the black sheep of my family. I was the odd one. I was also a victim of physical and emotional abuse from my father. This dynamic of being both a victim and the black sheep at the same time furthered any belief I had regarding the abuse being my fault. Not only was I being abused, but all of these other things were being said and done to me so there had to be something wrong with me. The shame I felt was immense, which led to a lot of self-hatred and mental health issues as a result. I wasted 12 years of my life battling with drugs, mental health and failed relationships. During my journey to recovery, I am grateful to meet friends who have helped me through my darkest time especially my prison counsellor. She never gave up hope on me, even I tried many ways to push her away. She said “ Please Don’t Give Up On Yourself Because Of What Someone Else Did To You”. It hit me hard. I imagined that someday things would be different. Fast forward to 5 years later I am standing at my own graduation and it felt unreal. I failed every subject staying back 2 years during my 2nd year in high school, my teachers said that I am hopeless, stupid, I dropped out of school with just a primary school leaving examination cert (PSLE) At 18 I failed GCE N-Level, At 21 I failed GCE O-Level, At 29 I took my Diploma in Psychology, At 30 I finally graduated!! With what I have achieve today, I give thanks to my loving girlfriend for spending many hours tutoring me mathematics , correcting my English and a lot of scolding. Rui Juan Jie Jie for reading my essays, giving me lots of advice correcting my mistakes. And last but not least my mom for her encouragement. For those who are still struggling, Depression is awful – and when it hits, you will feel useless, exhausted, and utterly alone – but please don’t believe the lie that you have to stay in that space. Please don’t believe the lie that keeps you standing in the dark. Please don’t believe that you’re not worthy of the hands that want to help, the shoulders that invite you to lean on them, and the ones who see you and still love you, even when you’ve lost sight of that yourself. (at The Ritz-Carlton, Millenia Singapore) https://www.instagram.com/p/Ckp9rOxvomGiwhnX6J-Ewu4QRrbzDx8JMQN_QY0/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

Men's best friend (at Queenstown, New Zealand) https://www.instagram.com/p/CjP2_CkP7OQXcO_f383Og5KUR9jE_EpqoOI5-k0/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

I always knew that eventually I would have to let you go. That there would come a day when I’d come home and not see you wagging your tail, or that I wouldn’t hear you bark like mad whenever I come home, or the silly smile you always make. When you became so weak, and unable to get up, a part of me knew that I would have to let you go. Still, I chose to listen to the more stubborn part of me. I still hoped that I wouldn’t lose you just yet. I remember the first time I thought that I had lost you. You have such a strong will to live, you wanted to live, and you made it not just 1 time, 2 times but 3 times. Today, when you finally breathed your last, I was reminded of that day – of how panicked I was when you almost couldn't make it. And as I entered the quiet house, despite me knowing that you were gone, I still hoped that you will wake up and run to the door like you always do. But of course, you weren’t there. Because this time, I had really lost you. So, today’s the day that I lost you – my most loyal, and loving friend. Today’s the day that I come home, and not have you waiting for me. But more importantly, today is the day that I say thank you for everything. For teaching me the first day that you came into my life that it is possible to love and be loved wholeheartedly. For showing the trust and faith you had with me when I first brought you home. Even when you were so frightened but you trust that we will not abandon you like those who did before we met you and I wish we had met earlier. Today’s the day that you remind me one of life’s greatest lessons – that every moment is important, and that is crucial that you take every chance you get to let someone know or feel that you love them. Today’s the day that I let you go, and even though it hurts, I will be okay. Because with all these lessons you have taught me, you’ll always be with me. In loving memories of AH BOY 🐶❤ 17 December 2010 - 25 Jan 2021. https://www.instagram.com/p/CKee2iGMV6L/?igshid=1bem083g6hv1g

有一种心痛绵绵无期