“You’re acting like you don’t even want to get better!” He finally broke; months and months of helping and guiding, all of it down the drain after every couple sessions.
“What?” June’s eyes full of emotion. “Every week for hours, I try to help you and every time I see you... y-you’re worse! Somehow, every fucking time— no, no not somehow. I know how!”
He moved swiftly across the room and grabbed her by the shoulder. He leaned in slowly catching a wiff of liqueur. “You show up fucked up and leave to get more fucked up.”
“Why should I care, if you don’t?” He did care, truly. He had always cared. But he couldn’t take it anymore. Her eyes wide as she stared back at him. She was speechless. “Answer me!” He pressed, squeezing her harder than intended.
“I didn’t ask for your help.” Her voice soft at first. Slight hesitation as she tried to compose herself. His mouth hung open in disbelief. That’s all she had to say? That she didn’t ask?
She took a deep breath. “I never, and I mean never, asked for that.” She shook from his hold and began gathering her things. “So that’s it?” Carter spoke softly, all his confidence lost. “That’s it.” She finally threw her bag over her shoulder and pushed past him sternly.
Her shaky hands reaching for her keys, them swiftly clattering at the floor. “Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!” She screamed in retaliation. She turned back to her friend who was already staring back at her. “You wanna know the truth? Fine! Okay, here’s the truth: I-I fuck everything up.”
“I’ve always fucked everything up. That’s what I do. That’s what I know.” She put a finger to her chest. “And I know it sounds ridiculous,” she let out a shaky breath, “but it’s so much easier being the fuck up.”
Carter tried to speak up but he was interrupted by her troubled stuttering.
“I-I saw myself getting better. You were helping me get better and- I don’t know how to just be better, Carter!” Her voice finally faltering. “I’m so used to nobody expecting anything from me. No one pushing me to better. Then you—“
She dropped down to finally grab her keys. “You expected me to be better and I loved it. The feeling of wanting to keep at it, to see your face light up when I did better- when I pushed.”
“But I knew that at some point I would disappoint you. So I thought I might as well make it happen sooner than later.”