atlastly

But now it feels like how it was before you met Jason. Before everything changed.

You never really liked Hawk. You knew that he and Jason had quarreled in the past, and the way he looked at you when he found out that you and Jason were dating just sealed the deal. But he was a good person. He helped people. That made him good.

Never would you have expected Jason to have killed Hawk.

He remembers everything vividly. The look on his older 'brothers' face. How Dove cried. How everyone looked at him when he sobered up from the gas. He didn't have anyone to turn to but you.

You wiped the blood off of his face, and stayed with him through the long nights. You were mad at him but you sympathised. Cranes recipe was scary, no matter who was under it.

It feels like your whole world came crashing down around you. There wasn't supposed to be any more death. Not from you, and not from Jason.

He's not supposed to kill innocent people. Hank had a life, he helped people.

You werent neccesarily a good person. You fell in love with Jason Todd for example. And trying to take over Gotham would land you the moniker of being a not so good person. But you had one rule and that was to not kill good people. Your father had done that and you hate your father.

You had told Jason not to kill innocent people. He had this anger inside of him. The best way to describe it was a burning rage fuled by loneliness and regret. And he listened to you. He didn't kill anyone innocent. Which makes the recent news even more devastating.

You remember being around your father. Everytime you were around him you would get this feeling, like a deep rooted disgust that could never go away. It was a disgusting ugly feeling felt like liquid anger and revulsion mixing with shame and guilt pooling up to your chest and spilling out of you through your words and actions.

You thought you would never feel it with Jason. But as you look at his mask, discarded on the floor of your shared apartment you feel it again.

Disgust.

Revulsion.

Fear.

Shame.

Ashamed of your boyfriend. What a horrible feeling for a horrible situation. You loved Jason, and you told yourself (and him too) that your love for him was infinite. But why are you feeling shame now?

You pick up his mask silently. Equally as silently, you throw it to the ground.

Again, and again and again.

You hated scarecrow. You hated Hank, you hated Dawn. You hated Dick, Bruce, Gar, Rachel and Donna.

You hated Jason.

The mask lies in pieces at your feet as you feel regret wash over you.

Jason has extra masks, and he would easily forgive you just as you could easily lie about what happened to his mask. But all that anger that you felt subsides.

You pick up all the broken pieces and place them together in vain. Nothing would bring that mask back. Exhausted by your emotions, you throw the pieces away and slump into the couch.

Jason walks into the house as you're watching TV. He doesn't say anything to you and you don't say anything to him. He microwaves some crappy TV dinner and serves it to the both of you.

You study him as he eats. Sharp features that blend together softly. Piercing blue eyes that made your heart skip a beat. Big warm hands with prominent veins and prominent scars.

All features that made you feel giddy. You can feel the giddiness fade away as you look at him now.

After dinner, he goes to take a shower.

It feels like staying in this house with him is sufficating you. It feels like he himself is wrapping his hands around your neck, and squeezing and squeezing.

Is this the life you wanted? Is how you want to spend the rest of your time with Jason? Angry, confused, guilty, shameful?

You decide you’re going to leave. You’ll stay with Dick for a bit, maybe Donna, or even Bruce if worst comes to worst. But just away from here.

Jason passes out at 11.PM on days where he doesn’t patrol. He’s completely wiped out as you pack up your bags. Clothes, burner phones and cables are all tossed into your duffel.

You bought this house with him. It took a long time and you still remember moving in with him. How he held you up to the high ceilings to change the light bulbs, how you and him spend afternoons shopping for furniture. How it felt so surreal that you and him made a house a home.

And now you were leaving it all behind.

You send Dick a quick text asking him to pick you up soon. He responds quickly with no questions. You appreciate that. Just thirty minutes and then you’re going to be gone from here.

Regret swirls in your stomach as you watch Jason sleep. But you push it aside. You know what you want. You’re going to try your hardest to go through with this.

You close the door behind you as softly as you can. It clicks behind you and you let out a sigh. Your heart clenches as you walk to the door.

“Y/N? What are you-”

He wipes wipes the sleep from his eyes, confusedly. His eyes flicker down to your duffel bag and your hand on the door.

“Jason…I’m sorry, I can’t…I don’t…” years start to sting in your eyes and streak down your face. Warm and hot, his face mirrors yours. You drop the bag, and before you know it your face is in his chest. Your arms wrap around each other and you both cry and cry and cry. It’s warm in his arms, and you haven’t hugged him in so, so long. It feels amazing.

“Stay. Please” he whispers.

You’re not supposed to like loud, you think. It's not the image of the perfect lover that was taught to you as a child. You’re supposed to marry young, and marry someone nice and quiet. Someone that listened to you. Someone that didn't spend their time failing school, getting high and apparently worshipping Satan. You scoffed when you heard that one-it seemed like a stretch. 

He’s energetic. Others find that annoying. You think that's what you like about him. 

He’s the town freak. It's evident by the hushed whispers and the rumours that seem to follow him. All rumours that he’s laughed off with a look of mystery in his eyes, neither confirming or denying even the most scandalous of them. 

You’re not supposed to look at freaks. But you can’t keep your eyes off of him. Your best friend says it's like staring at a car crash, you just can't look away. But it doesn't seem like a car crash. You think he is like art. Beautiful, hidden art hidden away, entrancing you and only you. 

He's so unapproachable. He's always surrounded by his older friends, who are all too intimidating for you to approach. You want to talk to him, you do. You just don't know how. 

You think you hate your high school. It’s tiny, and it reeked of sweat. The woods behind your school are much more interesting. So much more peaceful than the library, littered with the smell of smoke and yelling, although it's supposed to be a quiet place. After school is when it was the worst. Studying outdoors was much more productive than indoors. And hardly anyone would come out there to bother you as well. 

At least that's what you thought. 

So when Eddie Munson’s voice whispered in your ear ”Whatcha doing sweetheart?” you nearly peed your pants right then and there. 

You didn’t hear him come up to you, despite all the dead leaves around you. And you didn't know this was his secret spot too. 

“Uh homework- you know who I am?” You ask rushed. He saunters in front of you, sits himself down and leans towards you. 

“Of course I do y/n” 

“How??”

“Well i see those pretty little eyes staring at me every lunch so of course I’ve gotta ask who you are sweetheart”

You nearly choke at that. The pet name doesn’t make it any better. 

He laughs at your reaction. “Don't worry, I'm just teasing pretty.” he pauses. “You mind if I sit here with you?” 

Summoning all the confidence you had, you managed to get out a “no, go ahead” 

And you both sit in silence. It's a bit awkward at first, but he starts to hum music as he doodles in his notebook. You sneak peeks at him through your work. It's hard to concentrate when he’s in front of you. 

“Hellfire” you say suddenly. 

“Hmm?” he says lazily. 

“Your shirt. Hellfire. What does it mean?” your homework is forgotten now as you await his answer. 

He grins, full teeth and his eyes also go wider. He stands up quickly, surprising you. 

“Well only the coolest club that this school has to offer!” he says, twirling for emphasis. You tilt your head in interest. 

“Well, we play dungeons and dragons. It's amazing.” You open your mouth to clarify and he already knows where he is going with that- “AND BEFORE YOU CONTINUE, no it is not a Satan worshipping game. Believe me, there are much better ways to worship Satan than DnD.” he says grinning, sitting back down, and leaning even closer to you. Like it's his and your little secret. Your smile grows. 

“Can I watch?” 

“Pardon me?” he says almost incredulously. 

“Can I watch? Your game”

“Well it's a campaign, and yes, of course you can. Hellfire always loves new members.” 

“It’d be okay? With your leader I mean?”

He pauses, and scans you as if you’ve told him the funniest joke ever. You try to ignore the feeling in your stomach as he does that. 

“I don’t think he’ll mind. He's a pretty cool guy after all. Very very good looking and very very talented.” He says. It seems like he's trying not to laugh. You don’t know why. 

“When can I come?”

“This Friday sweetheart. Meet me here after school. I’ll give you a first class tour of the DnD experience.”

You grin, elated. He smiles at your reaction. 

You think Friday can’t come soon enough. 

”He’s going to break your heart” your best friend says to you, almost hissing at you. You think they’re getting a bit on your nerves. 

They’re getting so much on your nerves that on Tuesday you decide that you’re going to sit with Eddie and his friends. You don't even say anything to them, you just stand up and leave, and walk your way to Eddie’s table. Without saying anything, you pull out a chair and sit next to him. He looks a little confused but he smiles when you meet his eyes. 

“This is y/n! And I assume they will be joining us for lunch today!” you nod and timidly smile. 

They don't pay you much attention. But you pay Eddie attention. You pay attention to how he makes everyone smile and how everyone laughs at his antics. You find yourself laughing along with them. 

You think you want to spend more time with him. 

So when lunch ends you follow him as he stands up to go to his next class. He notices you behind him and slows down so he can talk to you. 

“Well if it isn’t y/n! Following me yet again” 

“Eddie! Do you maybe wanna…come over after school?’” you say in a rush. He quirks an eyebrow up and smiles, full pearly whites on display. 

“Sure! Can I ask what sparked this?”

“Oh well i'm kinda tired with my best friend right now and i was hoping for a change” you pause, noticing how that sounds. “Not that you're a second choice but like…i’d like to get to know you better.” 

He chuckles “sure thing sweetheart. I’ll meet you in the cafeteria after school?” 

“Sure thing” 

“It's a date! See ya then sweetheart!” he yells out.you. People around you stare at the both of you. He looks around sheepishly at the outburst.  Normally you would be bothered to be at the centre of attention like this. 

You think it doesn’t really bother you when you’re with him. 

He stays over late that night. 

You both watch bad movies side by side, knees touching on the small couch, laughing at all the scary parts. You’ve never spent this much time with him. You thank whoever is up there that your parents are away for the next few weeks. He picks what you both watch and you don't notice how you doze off onto his chest and you don't notice how he wraps his arms around you. No, you don’t. 

Him staying over definitely does not make things awkward at school the next day. The stares as you get out of his van and the giggles that are directed at the both of you. You look at him for reassurance and you notice he's already looking at you. 

You think you can get used to this. 

He stays over almost every night that week. On Wednesday you study. You sit on the small couch, facing each other, knees pressed to each other. He throws pencils at you to ask you questions and you throw them back to get him to shut up. When you’re done you sit close to him and help him pass the same maths class he's been failing three years in a row. 

On Thursday you both cook. You’ve got tired of eating the same microwaved food so when he enters your house, you immediately put an apron on him and force him to help you make something. He’s not the best at cooking but he watches you and assists whenever he can. 

Your stomach doesn’t flutter when your fingers brush as you hand him food to clean. Your stomach doesn't flutter when he leans over you to help you cut vegetables. Your heart doesn't flutter when he makes faces as he stirs things together or when he tugs your hair for seemingly no reason. Your stomach doesn't flutter as you watch him taste test what you’ve made, hands on his hips and hair tied back much like a mother. It really does not. 

You both sit at your table, eating your masterpiece. There are five seats at the table, and lots of space but somehow the both of you are nearly pressed against each other. 

“Excited for tomorrow?” he asks between mouthfuls of food. 

“Very excited. Hellfire must live up to its hype.”

“the hype?” he wiggles his eyebrows. 

“Well you wear that shirt everywhere you go. It must be prettyyy cool for you to do that. Well its that or you’re just kind of a loser that wears the same shirt everyday to school” you add, earning you an offended smirk from him. 

“Well between those options I really hope I live up to the first one sweetheart” you giggle at that. 

You can't believe Friday will be so soon. 

You’re nervous as you stand in the woods. A little part of you thinks that he’s going to stand you up to have a laugh. You fidget nervously. You hear voices behind you, and one of them is Eddie’s. Hearing his voice makes you smile and your heart beats faster. 

Oh no. 

You hear two voices. You recognise both of them. Eddie Munson and Chrissy Cunnin-something. A cheer girl.  A heartthrob. She was sweet, and she was nice, much unlike a lot of the other cheer girls. In a moment of panic you stand up and quickly run to a tree, and you hide behind it. 

“Eddie probably thinks that she is pretty. Prettier than me.” You think to yourself. You don’t blame him, she is very pretty. But a little part of you hurts at that realisation. But it's not like he was ‘yours’ to begin with. 

You watch as they talk. Eddie and her are both grinning wide. The sinking feeling in your stomach intensifies as you watch him dramatically fall to the ground, acting like he got wounded. The feeling becomes consuming as you see her laugh. I mean of course she would fall for him. He’s near perfect. You even find yourself giggling at his theatrics. But even then you can feel the warm tears fall down your cheeks. How stupid. 

After a while you can hear Chrissy call out a ‘bye’ to Eddie and he reciprocates. You quickly wipe the tears from your eyes, and stumble out of your hiding spot to face him. You know that he can tell something is wrong with you. His eyebrows furrow and his eyes get softer. 

“y/n what's wro-”

“Nothing! Can we-” you trail off, pointing to the school in the distance. He lifts an eyebrow but doesn’t question anything further. 

You think that you hate the silence between the both of you. It's never been this quiet with him. 

He stops before he lets you into the Hellfire room, turning you to face him. Your heartbeat quickens and you can feel your heart in your mouth. Slowly like in a dream, you can see his hands reach up to your face and cup your cheeks. You can only look up at him. 

“Why were you crying sweetheart?” he says in a soft tone you've never heard from him. 

“Eddie…I-” 

“MUNSON! You’re late! We should have started five minutes ag-oh” you wince as you hear Dustin's voice cry out. You wince even more when you realise the compromising position he has caught you two in. Eddie looks back at you one more time before saying-

“Whatever. Let's start. Come inside whenever you are ready, love” and he leaves you where you stand, with Dustin trailing behind him. 

The hellfire room is also loud. Loud like Eddie. Good loud not bad loud. The minute you step in you can feel the energy in the air, tense and expectant. Eddie’s already sitting down on a big chair as you walk in. Weird. He beckons for you to sit down next to him. You can feel the eyes on you as you seat yourself down. 

“Everyone- you know y/n. They will be joining us for today's session” Eddie says, placing a hand on your shoulder. You smile, and wave to the faces in the room. 

“Uh, if you don't mind but I've been wanting to ask this, but who exactly is your leader?” you ask. 

You swear you see everyone's eyes widen. They look at you, then Eddie as if you’re missing something important. 

“See well that's the thing sweetheart. I am” Eddie says, leaning down into your ear. 

“Why didn't you tell me?!”

“I dunno babes. Just thought it would be funnier this way. NOW let's begin!”

The game runs long. But you’re not watching it. You’re not watching how Eddie plays on the energy of everyone. How the players look up at him expectantly, the future of the characters in their hands. You’re not watching as Eddie laughs, and cries with the team. You’re not watching Eddie reach for your hand, and hold it. No, you’re not. 

You think you’ve never liked him as much as you do now. 

You stay behind and help him clean up. Well rather, you sit on his throne, and watch him as he puts everything away. He talks to you, giddy about today's session. You think that you could get used to this. 

“You gonna tell what was wrong sweetheart? Outside?” 

You think for a bit, and decide there wasn’t really any harm in telling him. You would pour out your heart and feelings for him and then you would get your answer. 

“You.” you say, as confidently as you can. 

He blinks “Me?”

“Just…the way you were talking with Chrissy. It made me uh sad.” 

“Chrissy? Sad? Why?”

“I wished you would talk to me like that. tease me like that. Look at me like that” you don’t know where the words are coming from, but you can feel them almost pour out of you. Like you’re a cup overflowing with all the emotion you have felt these past few days. 

He doesn't say anything as he walks up to you. He leans over you in his chair and cups your cheeks, and presses his forehead to yours. 

“Really baby, because the way I see it, I don't talk to anyone like the way I talk to you. I don’t tease anyone like how I tease you. And I sure as hell don’t look at anyone the way I look at you.”

“Eddie don’t play with me”

“I would never sweetheart” 

Then the silence is so heavy between the both of you. You're both smiling and staring right at each other. You think he's got the prettiest eyes you’ve ever seen. 

You think you want him to kiss you. But not here. So when he leans closer to you, you push him away. 

“Absolutely not Eddie. Our first kiss is not going to be in this sweaty room Eds.” 

“UGH alright alright. Ooh how about this, meet me at our spot at seven tomorrow.”

“You know if I didn't know any better I’d think you were asking me out on a date Eddie” you say as if you haven’t spent all week with him. 

“Hmm maybe I am” he kisses your forehead and walks away. 

The phone rings late at night. You’re so grateful that your parents are out of town, otherwise they would have yelled at you about your friends calling you at a time so late like 1:27. Groggily you slug to the phone and pick up. 

“Hello? Who is this?”

“Y/n! You’re awake.”

“Eddie? How did yo-”

“I asked around. Well your best friend really. I don’t think they like me very much” 

“Yeah I don't think so too. Every time I brought you up they’d always scoff at me.” 

“Oh so you’ve talked about me to your friends?” you can basically hear the smirk in his voice. 

“Aw shut up Eddie. They don't think you’re good for me. They're going to blow a fuse when they realise we’re going on dates. They got mad when I said you were here during the week.” 

“Well that's on them babes.”

“Eddie...wanna come over?” 

He laughs. “I'm gone for one day and you’re already missing me.” 

“Shut up Eds.” 

“Ill be there in twenty.” he hangs up before you can say goodbye. 

You listen to music with him. You’re both on your bed and you have your head on his chest. He braids your hair as you trace his tattoos. You’ve never heard the kind of music he listens to and the screaming is such a harsh contrast to the domesticity between the both of you. 

“What do you say about moving our date up a date hmm?” he whispers. 

“Today? Now? It's so late-what will be open?”

“I know a place.” he winks at you. He gets up, knocking you off of him and he picks you up and carries you to his van before you can protest. 

He forces you to cover your eyes during the ride. He keeps one hand on your thigh and the other on the wheel. You can basically feel him vibrate with excitement. You think that's adorable. 

He finally stops but he doesn't let you open your eyes yet. He leads you out, hands covering your eyes and he directs you to where he wants you to go. He finally lets you see the sight before you all. 

Lovers lake. Its pitch black outside but you would recognise the lake from anywhere. 

“Lovers lake sweetheart. Whadd’ya think? Ideal place for a first date?” you don't say anything and he continues. “Well uh, i mean we were supposed to watch the sunset, and maybe i was going to y’know bring some food and maybe we could listen to some music and uh” he pauses and looks down at you. “Maybe i would have asked you to be my partner”

Your eyes widen. He elaborates

“Like my one and only…y’know…mine”

You smile up at him. He smiles back. He holds your hand. You hold it back. 

“Maybe I would have said yes.” 

“You know Eds…maybe I would let you kiss me..” 

You swear you've never seen his smile grow as wide as it did. 

He presses his forehead to yours, and wraps you close to him and finally finally he kisses you. 

You stay like that for a minute, with each other. As soon as you two break away from each other he jumps up in the air and whoops loudly. He jumps and he yells and he does everything that is so uniquely Eddie. 

Your heart flutters when you realise he’s so excited over you. 

You, and Eddie Munson at lovers lake at 2 am in the morning, the pariah and you. 

You think he's loud. 

He’s the lazy days, where the sun peeks through the tower and makes his green hair glow more. It makes you smile, and him look at you quizzically. He’s fast paced workouts where sweat adorns every part of your body. Your heart is already beating fast from the workout but it beats faster when you look at him. 

You think your heart will explode when you see that he is already looking back at you. 

He’s cuddling during thunderstorms. You both start in a blanket cave, shrieking whenever thunder booms or lightning strikes. Then it evolves to you laying against his tiger form, playing with his silky fur and him purring whenever you detangle the knotted fur. The vibrations reverberate throughout your body making you giggle. 

His features are sharp as you trace them with your fingers. He mirrors your actions. Your hands go to his lips and his follow to your own. You trace up to his cheekbones, eyes, eyelids, hair then down to the ears. He touches you like you’re art. Like you’re a beautiful sculpture, or a picture of beautiful scenery. 

He touches you like you are fragile but kisses you like you give him life. 

He’s a bit tense as well. He’s been subject to long nights by himself and he’s used to being second place. 

Some nights are long and filled with tears. He hates it when you are upset. He hates it even more when he’s the reason you’re upset. His emotions are bottled up till they explode all over the both of you, spilling at his eyes and staining his shirt. 

He’s used to compromising. It makes him feel iffy though. But for you? He would compromise on everything if it meant one more day with you.

He’s warm as you rest your head on his chest. Your feet trip over each other as your dance to your shared playlist. He rests his head on yours, slowly patting down your hair as you both sway. Your arms snake around his waist, entrapping him closer to you. 

He’s the promise of a understanding and compassionate future, because a future with him will be understanding and compassionate. He’s home, your special place and person. 

Your room is always cold. The hospital doesn’t really care much for heaters-too much money. The sheets were too thin as well. It was a good hospital, but they just came a little short when it comes to the small things. 

What's worse is that they couldn’t figure out what was wrong with you. Day in and day out, you were tested. Day in and day out they couldn’t find answers. Day in and day out, you got sicker, but not sick enough to be in immediate danger. It was tiresome. Every night, the hallway lights would dim, the chattering would stop and you were left in the small, cold, empty room. 

What made it inexplicably worse is that your room was consistently empty. You had visitors when you first got admitted, but the numbers dwindled slowly until it was zero. Other chronically ill patients had rooms full of families, children running around and friends sharing their days. But you were alone. You tried saying that it was okay, you didn’t need anyone, but seeing the faces of the patients that were surrounded by so many people? It tugged at your heart incessantly. But there was nothing you could do. 

The nurses were kind though. When lunches were free, and there was no one in danger, they would congregate around your room, updating you of the world outside. They were the closest things you had to friends. Nobara loved celebrities, and she would tell you about all the trivial, stupid gossip she revelled in. Maki gave you all your music, and show recommendations. She always gave you shows that you liked. Megumi was intelligent. He was passionate about things like politics, superheros, and books. He was quiet, and a change from Nobara and Maki’s chaotic interactions. He always came into your room with tens of different books. You looked forward to his visits especially. 

Even if they tried their best to include you in their meet-ups, there was always something missing. They could meet up outside. They could see the newest movie, or try the new cafe down the corner, or have long movie nights at each other's places. You couldn’t. You were stuck as the outsider, the out-looker looking in. They were kind, and you were grateful for that, but the whole living part of life was something that caused your heart to ache. Maki and Nobara lived together, and you craved their love. Megumi had the loveliest boyfriend, Yuuji. They’re love was something out of a romance novel. You had met him before, though he worked in ER rotations most of the time. He was the opposite of Megumi, he was pure excitement and childish wonder, but his taste in books was more occult- spirits and such. He and you didn’t take it too seriously though, everything was all in good fun. 

You were thinking about Megumi and Yuuji this morning. They had dropped off some more books for you. These ones were about a king from long ago, a curse that was pure evil. Four arms, four eyes, and a mouth on his chest. He accepted virgin sacrifices from villages just for the fun of it. He killed all of the sorcerers that tried to stop him with ease. He was pure muscle, brains and pure unadulterated evil. 

You couldn't deny that your heart fluttered when you read about him. 

It was a stupid crush, something to think about when you had the free time. But thinking about him, the King Of Curses, as the author dubbed him, made your cheeks heat up. 

The author didn’t name him in the book, but it turns out that the king was a fairly popular subject in the occult community. After some research, you found out his name. 

Ryoumen Sukuna. 

The name was powerful. You liked the way that it rolled off of your tongue. He was rumoured to be 8 feet tall, with broad shoulders and tattoos that covered his face, down to his abdomen and his arms. He was terrifying to read about and yet he was inviting. It was baffling. A little irrational part of you wanted to meet him, but you tried to stop yourself from fantasising. That would only lead to hurt and confusion. and he's a legend a long forgotten myth. 

he is not real

he could not save you

The cherry blossoms were going to bloom again. It's going to be two years since you got admitted. Nothing has changed with the seasons. You sighed, and looked at the book in your hands. There is nothing you could do. 

—-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

He watches you with a smile on his face. 

You confuse him. People don't generally obsess over him like you do. But then again, the fan-peoples that he has had haven’t really been in your situation. 

It's a little perverted, how he watches you-making himself invisible and sitting in your visitor chairs. Like how a hunter would watch its prey. Like how he would hunt, except he didn’t bore any malice towards you. 

That was what confused him the most, he thought. How he didn’t hate you. Physically, you’re weak. He could kill you so easily it would be worse than pathetic. But something about him enthrals him. It enthrals him so much that he abandoned following that Megumi boy to follow you. 

You’re beautiful he thinks to himself. But immediately berates himself for thinking so. He’s powerful. He doesn't have time to be smitten with such a lowly person. Yet he still stays, observing you. 

You're disappointed. He can see it in your eyes. How you look at the faded, peeling cherry blossoms painted on your walls and how you look at disdain at your small window. It tugs at his heart. He feels himself swell with pride when you gush about him to Maki and Megumi. The way you look so animated talking about him, Ryoumen Sukuna. He wanted to be yours. He wanted you to be his. He scoffs, the King of Curses pining over a sick human. It felt wrong yet he felt so good. 

He comes to a decision. When your pesky friends leave, he will reveal himself to you. He’ll whisper sweet nothings in your ears and make you his and only his. 

He settles deeper into his chair. Yes, that sounds good.

—-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Megumi has gotten you some new blankets. Well not him, but he said that they were addressed to you and left at the nurses station. The gift was welcome and by God were they comfortable. They enveloped you, and were cool to the touch, and also warming at the same time. It was amazing. It didn’t really matter who gave you the gift, it was probably a surplus of supplies that landed you the gift. Megumi and Maki had long left and left you to your own devices. You were reading about Sukuna again, this time a book with pictures. It was a hard find, and you thanked Megumi for the gift. 

There was one difference though. 

You couldn't shake off the feeling that you were being watched. Like someone was sitting in the shadows, waiting to reveal themselves. *How childish* afraid of monsters in the dark. You were old enough to know that those fears were stupid. 

The gift of blankets had seemed fairly personal to be a coincidence. The hospital sheets were far too thin to be comfortable and were an vomit green colour. These new sheets were thick, and smooth. What struck you odd was the colour of them. Dark crimson red. And then it struck why the colour seemed so familiar. 

it was like the colour of Sukuna’s eyes.

A chill ran down your spine at that. What an odd coincidence huh?, you thought to yourself, staring intently at the sheets. 

”Do you like the colour? I picked it out after noticing you liked those books with those pictures of me in them.” 

Your heart beats loudly in your chest, heat coming to your cheeks and mouth getting impossibly dry. Oh dear god.

You turn to face him. The king of curses himself, Ryoumen Sukuna. In your bedroom. Sitting on the visitor chairs in your room with a smirk on his face. 

“Well? Answer me then. Do you like the colour?” He asks again. He doesn't sound irritated, it's almost as if he enjoys making you feel small. 

“I-i’m hallucinating aren’t i? You’re not real. I'm getting sicker.” you say, with increasing panic. 

He furrows his eyes at that. You stare him down, wide eyed as he gets up, and walks towards you. He cups your cheeks with his hands and stares you down. 

“Does this feel like a hallucination?” he asks. A sinking feeling in your stomach develops as you realise that this is real. He is in front of you. 

“What are you doing here?” you whisper. He squishes your cheeks together as you speak, loving the way you try and squirm from the discomfort. He’s not hurting you, far from it, you realise. He's maintaining a lot of self control for someone who could quite literally squish you like a bug. 

“Watching. Watching you” 

“Why?”

He pauses, looking away for a moment. “I don’’t know.”

You both don’t talk after a second. 

“Are you going to kill me?” you whisper. 

He scoffs. “If i had wanted you dead, you would be dead already.”

“Then what do you want?” “That depends on what you want. What do you want?” he says. You cock an eyebrow at that. He sighs, “what do you want the most in this entire world. I’ll give it to you. And don’t ask why. Just say it.

”You pause. “I want to get better.” He still has your face in his hands, making it impossible to look anywhere but his eyes. It makes you feel all the more shameful. “I want to live a disgustingly normal life. Like Maki and Nobara and Megumi and Yuuji and i…I want to be happy.” Tears stream down your face, wetting his hands. Your breathing is heavy and your eyes burn. His expression doesn’t change at all. 

“Is that all you want?” he asks, almost surprised. You nod as much as his grip on his hands permits you to. “No riches? No power? No…love?” you don’t even hesitate as you shake your head. 

“Hmm. I see. If that's what you want then I will give it to you. He lets go of your face and closes his eyes, hands gripping your arms. 

“Wait! Before you do this…” He opens an eye to look at you. You can’t tell if he is annoyed or irritated. “Can I go outside first? To see the blossoms?” You whisper. 

“What stopped you before?” “Maki never thought it was a good idea for me to go out sick.” 

“Hmm. I’ll take you out then.” and before you can speak, he grips your hand, and before you know it, you’re outside.

 —------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“I haven’t been here in a long time. I think the last time I’ve seen these in person is when I got admitted in the hospital” You say, looking up at the big strong trees. The flowers had just bloomed, and yet the street was still littered with small pink petals. 

“What will you do now that you’re out?” he says. You turn to look at his face. His crimson eyes stare straight ahead.

“I don’t know. I’ll have to work. And buy a place to live. But I’m excited.” He doesn’t say anything at all. 

You both had been sitting outside for some time. He still had your hand in his, and he let you lean against him for warmth. It was starting to drizzle as you sat. 

“Why did you help me?” you ask him. He bites his lip and looks at you. 

“I don’t know” He says. 

“You’re Sukuna. The king of curses. Why would you help a sickly mortal?” 

“I don’t know.” He repeats. Same tone, same straightforward look. “There's something about you that I like.”

Your cheeks heat up at that. 

“Are you saying that you…like me?” you say with wide eyes. 

“Maybe I am.” he pauses. “Does that scare you?” 

You purse your lips and think. “No. I think that I like it.” you pause. “I think I might have some space in my new house for another person?” you say before you can stop yourself. 

When he doesn’t respond, you understand the gravity of what you asked him. You open your mouth to quickly beg for forgiveness but he cuts you off. 

“That sounds nice. You will need someone to help you adjust to civilian life again won’t you?” he says, pushing you closer to him. You shakily nod. 

“We should get you back. I don’t want anyone to worry for you.``He takes your hand and helps you stand up. 

“Thank you” you whisper. He nods, so small that you almost miss it.  

Just as you begin to walk back inside, he stops. You watch as he pulls down a branch and breaks off a small branch of flowers. You gasp but it quickly dies when he tucks it behind your ear. 

You and him had gotten closer since the first time you had met. 

Walks outside turned into movie nights and face masks. Or walks in the park to try out a new cafe in the better parts of Gotham that he found himself in g doing much against his better judgement. You made a friend, and it didn’t feel forced or awkward. You weren’t worried that he was going to stop hanging out with you, or start treating you any differently. Friendship felt nice.

But it never ever really was only friends right?

He made you feel good. The feelings you felt for him progressed from platonic, and you felt so guilty for feeling so. He had told you about so many things, his childhood, his death, his nighttime activities that caused all his bruises. He had opened up to you to show you he was vulnerable, and falling for him felt like you were taking advantage of him in some sick twisted way. 

You felt like a child when he made your cheeks warm up, or when he made you feel giddy. The infuriating part was that he wasn’t even trying. He just made you feel better about yourself. 

You hoped that he would feel it too. You hoped that every time your hands brushed as you walked, he felt the sparks too. You hoped that every time that your movie nights ended in cuddling and you were sleeping over, he would crave your body heat just as you craved his. 

You had hoped that he wanted something more than what you two had. You had hoped that he liked you as much as you liked him. 

Every time you looked at him, you thought about telling him. Telling him how he makes you feel. 

How he makes your day better and brighter. How you crave intelligent conversations with him, or conversations where you both can talk about your feelings safely. Where you can feel at home in a city and place that screamed unwelcoming. He made your house a home. He made this city a little bit brighter. A little more...human.

Every time you looked at him, you thought about telling him how you felt. And so this was the day that you did. The day when you came over to help him make cookies for whatever reason.

“I think I love you Jason”

The words slipped out of your mouth. You didn’t really mean to say it, but he looked angelic standing in his kitchen, flour on his hands, and the sun peeking from the clouds shining on his face. He was heaven himself, and it baffled you how people had it in themselves to dislike him. 

He stopped dead in his tracks, and you knew that you had made a mistake. He looked as if you had told him he was dying, not like you had professed your feelings for him. You could feel your heart break in your chest, and drop to your stomach. Oh god no. You ruined whatever perfect relationship you had with him. 

You got out of there as fast as you could, running out of his flat and into yours, locking the door behind you. Though it would not matter, Jason could pick the lock if he really wanted to. And get into your flat at least six other ways if he really tried. 

You tried to block him from your mind, so you crawled up on your couch, trying not to cry and trying to distract yourself with some TV. 

It didn’t work. 

And it didn’t help that he could probably hear you cry through your shared wall.  

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jason Todd is obtuse.

He very well was the valedictorian of his class in high school. His intelligence very well mirrors Bruce and Tim. He was a genius. He very well may be one of the smartest people you have met. 

Except when it came to you. 

He likes to think that he thinks rationally. There is and there isn’t, nothing in between. And he thinks that you fall neatly in the categories “is and isn’t” 

He is attracted to you. Irrevocably and unconditionally so. But there isn’t anything he could do about it. You were his friend and his friend only. He didn’t know how you felt about him. And he wasn’t going to say anything rash to change your relationship status. 

And then you told him how you felt. The words still ring in his head. 

”I think I love you Jason”

And him being as obtuse as he was just stood there, mouth gaping open because he felt like all his dreams were coming true. But he didn’t act fast enough, and now he can hear you trying not to cry because those god-awful walls in your flats were paper thin, and because he didn’t tell you he liked you too. 

What was he supposed to do? He couldn’t just break into your house. He could but he wouldn’t. That would just be wrong. He could just try knocking on your door and hoping you didn’t hate him enough so that you would answer. Yes, that sounds good. 

He walked a few short steps to your apartment. The room across the hall was irradiating noise. Jason could pick up at least two people talking and some classical music from the cacophony of sounds. He tried to ignore that, and he knocked lamely on your door, hoping that you could answer. He heard shuffling from the other side of the door, and slight metal clinking as the door creaked open. 

Your eyes were puffy as you looked at him, and back at the floor. Embarrassment flooded every inch of your body and his too. 

“y/n i-”

“No- it's okay Jason, we don’t have to talk about it. Just ignore that I said that.”

“I can’t ignore it y/n. We have to talk about it.” he tries to plead with you. 

“So you can rub salt in my wounds? That's why we have to talk about it?” you said snarkily. Anger started to take the sadness's place. 

“So I can tell you I like you y/n” He said softly. 

Now it was your turn to stand still, flabbergasted at what the other had said. He…liked you too? 

“Don’t screw with me Jason-”

“I’m not! I’m being genuinely serious. I like you.”

You pause, looking at his face expecting to see him lie, but you can’t see it. He genuinely likes you. 

“Oh. Oh” 

“Yeah.” 

You both face each other for a second before you speak.

“So…what now?”

“I mean…i could take you out on a date?”

“Now?!” you say confused. 

“Well after I botched up that amazing confession of yours, I think that i owe you.” 

You smile and take his hand. 

“Hm. Maybe.. let’s see how you do” 

You weren’t sure how you fell for Jason. But nonetheless, being with him was like being at home.

As you tried on different date outfits in front of the mirror, you wondered where he would take you. You had offered to plan today out, knowing how flaky his job makes him, but he immediately refused, saying that he would take care of it. You have nothing but complete trust in him (most of the time) and you know he would make today the day of your dreams. 

Your footsteps echo across the empty fields of the school. Albeit the clouds, it's a nice day. Satoru had texted you earlier, giving you the address of where you two would meet. Some street in the middle of the city. He was probably going to walk you to the venue so there were spoilers to where the date was set. You rolled your eyes at his antics. 

As you were exit the compound, you hear Yuuji call out your name-

“Y/n! Y/n! Where are you going?” he runs up to you and pauses to catch his breath. 

“Oh I…I’m going to…” you hated lying to him. He was becoming something of your friend these past few weeks. You hadn’t told anyone of your relationship with Satoru because you both didn’t want anyone to think he was boosting you up. 

“Where?” he said, cocking his head. 

“Just in the city. To meet up with a uh-a friend” your cheeks felt warm as you said those words. You weren’t sure if they were from lying or from the fact you had referred to your boyfriend as your *friend*. 

“Hmm. That's weird. Gojou-sensei was also going to the city to meet up with a ‘special’ friend.” 

You both stare at each other. He doesn’t seem to realise the connection between the both of you. 

“Are we still on for movies tomorrow?” he asks. 

“Oh yes, for sure.” you say with a relieved smile on your face. 

“Okay! Bye then! Have fun with your friend!” he heads off and you breathe a relieved sigh. Just as you open the gates to exit he turns around and says,

“It would be weird if you and Gojou-sensei were meeting each other wouldn’t it?”

Your heart freezes in your chest.

“Ah-it would be really weird. Good thing I'm not meeting him,” you chuckle nervously, but he’s already running off to meet with Nobara. Could he know something? no…No he couldn’t have. 

You pushed down the doubts and made your way into town. 

The alleyway that Satoru had picked for you was in true Satoru fashion. Dirty and decrepit, and seeming to be littered with cursed energy. You rolled your eyes. He is ever so dramatic. And speak of the devil, he will appear. Satoru walks down the alleyway like it isn't teeming with dirt and disgust. You smile, excited for the night to come. 

“Well! If it isn’t my student y/n! What a surprise meeting you here.”

You giggle.

“If it isn’t my teacher. What are you doing in this part of town?”

“Ah well, I have a gorgeous date waiting for me someplace around here…” he says, looking around. Your smile grows wider. 

“What a coincidence. I do too.” 

“I might as well walk you to where you need to be then huh? Dangerous streets like this…you never know what can come up.” before you can answer, he links his arm with yours, leading down further the alleyway. 

The night is peaceful as he leads you eventually to the outskirts of the city. It's a sidewalk that branches out onto gravel. The walk to the place was far, about thirty minutes but it was enjoyable. It was hard to get time for just you and him. 

Gravel crunches under your feet as the trees start to get thicker and thicker, and the sky darker and darker. Before you know it, you’re deep into a forest. Water rushes close enough that you can hear it, and animals chirp all around you. You’re a little confused, as you were expecting a venue more conventional than this, but you trust him. Sometimes. 

“Where are you taking me?” you ask, pulling on his arm.

“My cabin in the woods.” he winks, and smirks at you. You’re not amused. 

“Actually! Where are we going?!”

“There’s a little spot I go to unwind after long days. It's really romantic. I’d think you like it. When we get close, I’m going to have to cover your eyes” Just as you open your mouth to argue, he interjects-”No arguing. It's just what's going to happen.” 

You guys continue down the same path, looking at the fauna that passed you by. Until, without any notice, he covers your eyes, and pulls you along a path that starts to get mushier and mushier. You hold onto him as tight as you can, until you feel his hands ease away from your eyes. 

Before you lay a river-the one you must have heard earlier. It cascaded like a waterfall, with many levels, and fish that danced up to the surface. The evening light reflected off of the river making it all the more beautiful. 

It was beautiful. 

“So…what do you think?” he asked you almost breathlessly. 

“I think this is perfect”

“You don’t mind that this isn’t a conventional anniversary date?”

You look at him incredulously.

“I think any date is perfect as long as we have time for each other. Including this. This is…beautiful.”

“Thank you y/n.” he pauses. 

“I come here when I feel lonely. When it gets hard to be around people. I’d like to consider this place a piece of my heart…” he looks at you with a small smile on his face. “And now I get to share that with you.”

Your heart beats faster, and your cheeks flush with heat. 

He takes your hand, and starts to rub his thumb along yours. You flush at the action. You pause, looking at the sight of the flowers and trees that surround you. Rising to your feet, you take his hand, and drag him up with you.

“Wait, what are you doing?” he yelps, surprised. 

“Taking you across the river.”

“Wait but y/n it’s so cold and-” you ignore his cry, and step into the water.

Its freezing. Thank God that you had removed your shoes. Satoru wasn’t too lucky. He glared at you with mock frustration. You giggled. He retaliated with flicking water to your face, and you did the same. 

The fighting stops when you both are completely drenched. You find yourself huddled up next to him, trying to dry off, and staring at the constellations in the sky. 

It seems like time is in slow motion as you lay next to him, thinking of bigger things than the both of you. 

In the end, entering this new life was the best thing that you could have asked for. 

Sugawara didn’t question why you would be an hour late from work every Friday. He knew that taking time for yourself was important. But a little part of him did wonder if he could go to your special place. He’d heard you talk about it, a pristine meadow with an old billowy tree with shiny, glistening waters. He was happy there was a place for you to unwind. 

And you really did want to show the place to Koushi, but the occasion had never come about. Conflicting schedules, turned to long weary nights without each other. And the tension was apparent. When there is tension, there’s fighting. And there was a lot of it.

It must have been the worst fight you’ve ever had. It was over something stupid and trivial you couldn’t even remember what you were fighting about as you two tried to prove the other wrong. Fighting is always tiring, that never changes, but you know that this fight doesn’t matter. You care for Koushi, and you know he does the same for you too. 

That's why, one long night, you took his hand and led him to your place. The picture- perfect serene place that can hopefully help seal the drift that has happened between the both of you. 

Koushi knows that you bringing him here is like you are bringing him a piece of your heart, and all the animosity he felt towards you in the past few days fades as he sees your face light up at the sight of it all. 

Ducklings approach you, used to your presence in the past few months, pecking at your feet and quacking at your face, seemingly unaware of Koushi. Or at least not threatened by him. You kneel down, giggling at their antics. He feels his heart melt. 

“y/n” he whispers, kneeling down next to you. You look at him with a smile on your face at the serenity.

“I-i’m sorry. For everything these past few days i-”

“No, I'm sorry. I didn’t even know what the fight was about, I was just lonely, and tired and I missed you.” 

You guys look at each other's faces, your grin mirroring his. 

“This place is perfect. Thank you for sharing this with me y/n.

You open your mouth to speak but the ducks peck at your and his fingers eliciting a laugh from the both of you. 

There is a old willow tree that sits on a meadow that you pass by every day, except now, every Friday instead of heading to the shimmery waters by yourself after work, you take Koushi with you, and boy is it perfect. 

It was hard not to notice him. Something about him demands everyone's attention. He had this level of cockiness and what was irritating is that it is well deserved. There's no one you know who can combat him, or outsmart him, or get under his skin.

He is perfect, and it was enthralling. It was mesmerising. At least to you. Whenever he speaks, as childish as it may, butterflies float around in your stomach. When he talks, your attention is on him. When you’re hurt, he's the first person you go to, even if Shoko is in the room. 

Maybe the infatuation was childish. Not maybe, it is childish. 

But it was so hard to stop. 

It wasn’t fair. 

You stand up, and walk away from your seat on the stairs. Your training was over, but training for the first and second years were yet to begin. Gojou sat on a bench overlooking the training students. You tried to walk away to your dorm without disturbing him, but he still calls out loudly for you. You turn around to see him waving you over to him to join him. You stand idly for a minute before suppressing your fear {and the butterflies} down and join him. 

He slings his arm around you casually. You hate how you tense at the simple motion. You hate the space between the two of you. You hate his voice and his absurd unique-ness. Hate it yet crave it. 

“So Y/N. hows the jujutsu life suiting you.” he says looking completely ahead. Deservedly so. Yuuji is sneaking up to Megumi as he’s brooding. That would never go well. 

“Its okay.” you say, managing to keep your voice steady. You don't want to tell him your doubts, and your fears.

Maybe it would be okay to tell him. 

He would understand right? Or at least empathise,,,

No. that's a bad idea. 

You hate how he can read you, without even looking at you.

“Liar.” he says. 

“W-what?”

“Liar. you’re lying about it being ‘okay’’

“I’m fine. I swear.” you say, trying to make your voice more firm. He looks at you for a second, and his stare bores into you for a good couple of seconds, until he turns around and looks back at his students. 

“Its getting late.” he says. 

“You're right. I should get going.” 

“Let me come with you.” he says, standing up, pulling you with him. A small part of you wants to argue with him, tell him you’re fine on your own, but it would be worthless. He seems to have his head set on walking you to your dorms. Yuuji gives you a wave, and you return it for a second before he gets distracted by Panda. 

Walking alongside Gojou is hard, since his legs are so long. He doesn’t seem to notice you lagging behind him, but you certainly notice your limbs crying out in pain from the training before.

“Shouldn't you be there for your students' training?” you ask once you match pace with him.

“They can survive for a few minutes without me.”

You don’t reply to that. 

The trees surrounding the dorms are beautifully green. Nothing like where your college was in some broken down area in Roppongi. It was the best education that your limited budget could get you. You pause at the entrance to the building and face Gojou. He’s invested in something on his phone. You wonder what his eyes look like behind the black blindfold. You know why he wears it, but you’ve never seen his eyes.

Maybe you could ask him to show you? 

No, that's pathetic and weird. 

You hardly know him. But he knows a lot of you. That's how he found you. That's how you got sucked into this life so late in your life. He showed up one day, told you of the hidden world, and you, not knowing any better, said yes. 

Maybe the feeling you felt right now as you think of your past life was regret.

Maybe telling your teacher/mentor would help. 

Maybe it would. 

“Gojou?” you ask. You’ve stopped calling him sensei ages ago. 

“Yes my dear Y/N chan?”

“Maybe i'm making a mistake with this. I'm not strong enough to actually do this.” you say. You can’t meet his eyes. {or where his eyes would be} 

“A mistake?”

“With...this lifestyle.”

He pauses for a second. 

“That’s dumb” 

“What?”

“‘You making a mistake being here’. You ‘not being strong ‘enough’. Even without a cursed technique you are the strongest person here. You work five times harder than everybody here because you were late to enter this life. Anybody who tells you otherwise is wrong.”

You falter. 

“But-I can’t keep up with Megumi. Or Yuuji. Or anyone here! They’re undoubtedly more talented than I am.”

“Your worth and potential is not measured by how you keep up with the others around you.” he stops to look you dead in the eyes. “You have one of the most intelligent minds I've seen in combat. Results will not happen in a day, a week or maybe even a month. Give yourself time y/n. You’ll get yourself at the level you want to be soon enough.” he turns around suddenly, and points to a flower growing in the distance. 

“You see that flower? Over there?”

You nod in affirmation.

“You think it would grow into something beautiful if someone kept tramping it?” he cocks his head, waiting for your response. As soon as you open your mouth to say something, he continues. “That flower has lived through all the seasons, harsh rains, cold snows, crisp mornings and harsh summers. Yet it adapts. But it can only adapt with time, and patience. When it learns to adapt though the harsh conditions, then will it become beautiful and strong. Then relate that to your training. You have the potential in you to be like the flower, you just have to wait and train. Then when it is all over, you will stand strong.”

You stop for a second to process that. It doesn’t make complete sense just yet, but you get the gist of it.

You watch as he walks over to the flower. Bending down, he wraps his fingers around the stem of the flower. In a swift motion, he plucks the flower out, roots and all and saunters to you. Your eyes are wide in disbelief. This man. 

He strides over back to where you are. The butterflies in your stomach flutter restlessly as he tucks the flower behind in your ear. 

“Don’t be too hard on yourself loves.. You’ve got this in you. I know it. I hand picked you for a reason.” his hand stays in your face area, softly leaning against your cheek. 

And then he turns around and leaves you to stand by yourself, feeling like a teenager in love. 

Some part of you finds some disappointment in him leaving you, but then again, he seems way out of your league. Just as you start heading back to your dorm, he turns back and calls out to you. 

“y/n chan?! I forgot to ask…are you free tomorrow night by any chance?”

“I…I am? Why do you ask?”

“Oh there’s this new cafe near here I wanted to try out. I’ll pick you up at five?”

You try to ignore your face burning up. Is he asking you out?

“Ah-okay then!”

“It’s a date then! See you then!” 

And he runs off. 

A date? So he is into you!

After the talk, and finding something to look forward to makes you think that even though this lifestyle may be tough, there will be some light at the end of the tunnel.