The whorehouse

I was driving and got stuck. The herd of dead men and woman out numbering me at least 100 to 1 as I hyperventilated in the stuffy armored truck. I could feel them hitting me from all sides, pushing and clawing for my flesh. It was too much and the revolver in my passenger seat sung to me to end myself before they could. I looked away. I wanted to fight; I wanted bravery to be as easy to grab as…

For months he told me he loved me, it never felt genuine though. He liked me for all that I was and for all that I was not, but love, he had said, was a bit inaccurate. I had uttered the 3 words first and I still remember how confused and honored he looked. His breath caught in his throat and he stared at me as if every star was in my eyes calling his name. Then he asked what it felt like, I…

There was a hole where his heart should be. When I asked him about it, he said that everyone is missing a part of themselves these days; I wondered what I was missing and gave the question to the digital eyes staring back at me. The robot asked what I felt I lacked, I told him lunges to speak with. He said that was impossible, I told him metaphors often are. “Oh.” He responded, hands removing…

Regret came to me in a dream and asked if I would ever open my heart to him. I said that I would never. That confidence is an emotion he has never felt in his life and I could not be with someone who sees themselves as only a list of do-overs. He was quiet as he thought of a retort, yet he couldnt find one, and with a whip of his hand he slowly dissipated into air, claiming that he would be…

I walked in the snow with dissapointment in my chest. I had lied again and told my struggling roomate what she wanted to hear. Do you think im a good person? She had asked, each of us at our room doors staring at the other, pretending to see deeper than the skin we wore. I had been living with this woman for a year and I had gotten used to seeing the hope in the creases of her face, the hope…

A man came to me in a dream and asked why we humans have so many words for love. His eyes held stars and his hair matched the color of a eclipse. As we sat together on the edge of the world, sand at our feet, I sighed. Humans, I said, have a lot of words for everything. Why do you just want to know about love? He said it was because love was something his people could not feel. That they sat in…

I pick up the cup from my windowsil. Inside it are a few leaves of my dead transcdentia, theyre growing new roots and trying again. Taking in sunlight and becoming anew. As i stare at them and move the remaining water around the circular shape, I wonder if i could grow just as easily. If I were to cut off the dead parts of myself could I rebuild them from the ground up. Become an array of a past…

I couldn’t believe that she was parenting now, out of all times! It was phenomenal how well she went from delusional drunk to overprotective parent. I was so annoyed that I barely registered Slicks voice as he spoke. “I can dr-“ “I raised you! You ungrateful brat! I dealt with your tantrums and shitty diapers, I DID THAT!” I looked up and laughed, the fucking Audacity, raised me? For real? “I…

How an empire breeds inequalityDownload

“You don’t want love, you want admiration, and that’s not quite the same.” “Really?” I questioned, another query already gracing my lips. “Is love not a kind of admiration though?” My friend sat on the bench with low eyes as she threw another handful of seeds at the pigions praying in gratitude at her feet. She was wearing her signiture gold jewlery with a yellow and green sports jacket,…

Now im just silence and solitude. Even in this field of reporters and witnesses ready to splash my death on 100 screens, all I hear is the ship. Theres a faint scent of words being said around me, Duck. Run. Freeze. But I cant hear any of them. Maybe I should be scared as the mechanics in front of me shift and warp into cogs and shapes of advanced tech, but I didnt come all the way here just…

And when the mask people put down their faces and reach for the god they made from clay and insecurity, he will not take their hands. For when he looks at his own and sees no life lines or scars from a existence well served he will be disgusted by his maker for giving him a purpose and no soul to go with it. I hope when this happens that the mask people can forgive themselves for trying to…

I want to be confident in myself. I’m already in love with my soul but love is not pride, love transcends flaws and regrets and I want to see me as I am and stand tall. Raw in feeling and bare against my own inspection as I look for words that define me. I want to be honest about my mistakes. I am a multi-cellular clump of experience wrapped in a physical body and I don’t want to only find…

Gardens of green ivy and regret. The footsteps you see are one of your own, and the path you walk has never known love. There has been people before you, crying guilt and shame on withered wills but thats just what the garden does. Every emotion you try to squander has already been grabbed from your heart and twisted to the surface before you get the chance to scream. This is how you grow with…