for a moment i was all that i could be

My phone tells me it’s ten till 12 when I finally pull into the parking lot. I can’t help but smile at my lock screen; it’s a picture of the two of us at the botanical garden, where she’s leaning over to kiss my cheek. Stepping out of the car, the cold shocks my senses, helping me to wake up a little. It’s as nice as it is awful. I can’t wait for spring. Hm, maybe we could go to the botanical garden again. That’d be nice. A stroll, just the two of us, looking at all the pretty plants.

“Oh, just look at this one! I’d love to have one of these in my garden,” I can picture her saying as she points to some lovely flower or shrub or what-have-you. And I’ll ask her what it’s called, so I can remember to get her one later. No clue how she’ll fit anymore into the jungle she’s growing in our apartment, but I’m sure she’ll find room somewhere. It’ll be worth it to see how her eyes light up, that smile on her face, dimples showing…

“Ow,” I mutter as I walk right into our door. Its cold surface, combined with the pain, makes me jolt. Blinking, I take a step back, and huff. It makes a little misty cloud in front of me. Once again, I consider myself pretty lucky—nobody saw that.

No time to be getting lost in thought right now. I can always do that tomorrow. Hopefully without the embarrassment of walking into anything like an idiot. God, I really am tired…

After a bit of fumbling with my keys, I manage to get the door open, and step into the apartment. The lights are off. It’s kinda cold...she must’ve forgot to turn the thermostat back up. I’ll just—a yawn interrupts that thought. Mmm...eh. Oh well. Sleeping in the cold’s supposed to be better for you or something, anyways. I slip my shoes off, shutting the door behind me as I do.

I take a quick stop in the kitchen to grab a granola bar. Not really in the mood for actually sitting down to eat. On the way there, I almost slip a few times. Shaking my head, I try to wake myself up a little more, but I don’t really feel any less off. Just...need some food in me and some sleep. That’s all. So I eat my snack, and as I leave, I glance over at the fridge. I expect to see a note on it, saying that she saved me some leftovers or just a sweet, “I love you,” but there isn’t one. It makes me frown a little, before I shrug it off. She was probably busy.

Making my way into the bedroom, I note the her-shaped lump on the bed. As quickly and quietly as I can, I strip down, opting to just leave my clothes on the floor, figuring I’ll put them in the hamper tomorrow. Goosebumps rise on my skin, and I shiver as I hurriedly change into my PJs.

At long last, I climb into bed. Even here, under the covers, it’s not as warm as I thought. Another thing goes against my expectations when she doesn’t subconsciously shift towards me the way she usually does. A small pit starts to grow in my stomach. I try to ignore it. After all, it’s probably been a long day for her, too. So I shift instead, reaching out to grab her and pull her close.

Her skin is like ice under my fingers. I flinch.

“Honey?”

When she doesn’t respond, I hesitantly reach out again. The cold of her makes my hand sting.

“Babe.”

I try shaking her. She doesn’t move an inch. Like her whole body is frozen in place.

“Lucy…?”

Sitting up, I blindly grab for my phone on the night stand. It takes a few seconds, and each one makes bile rise in my throat higher and higher, but I finally get my hand on it. Fumbling, I turn it on and swing it towards her. There’s a brief moment of guilt, knowing that if I shine the flashlight on her like this, she’ll definitely wake up—but then it occurs to me that…

Snowflakes shimmer in the light, suspended in the air all around. Icicles glitter, sticking out all over the place. She shines brightest of all, covered in a layer of frost amidst it all. Her eyes are open, staring at me sightlessly.

I blink. Frozen. Swallowing the bile back, I squeeze my eyes shut. Take a deep breath. I open them. But she’s still there. Still…

“911, what’s your emergency?”

I don’t remember having dialed. I can’t look away from her. She’s still glinting in the light from my phone’s flashlight bouncing off the wall.

“My...my girlfriend, she...I…” “What happened to her?”

What happened? I don’t understand. How...how did this happen? Everything was going so well. We were happy. We were situated and together and she was good, and I was good, and...I don’t...I don’t understand. I don’t get it. How? Why? Why is she…

“Ma’am?”

“S-Sorry. I...I don’t...I’m not sure. I-I just...I came home, and—she’s—I-I-I…” “It’s alright. Is she still breathing? Can you tell me where you live?”

“...I don’t...no, she’s—she’s n-not. Um. I’m at...at 2414 Blackwell Street—uh, a-apa-apartment 3B.”

The operator says something about sending help. That everything will be okay. I don’t know how he can say that. How it could possibly be okay. Because Lucy, my Lucy, is gone, she’s right in front of me and she’s colder than that frozen lake I fell into when I was 12 and she’s just staring, staring at me, through me, covered in frost and she’s here, right here, yet she’s gone.

Everything melts away. His words turn to mush. The world turns into a lukewarm puddle.

this fic personally devastated me and left me heartbroken, and I couldn't get the ending scene out of my head. so I did the very normal thing of making a whole comic of it, probably my fourth one ever. well I definitely wanna make more so it was a good learning experience!