* 𝕒𝕣𝕤𝕠𝕟𝕚𝕤𝕥'𝕤 ʟᴜʟʟᴀʙʏ.

    park eunjae fucked up. that's all there is to it. followed a hunch he shouldn't have, acted rashly, withheld the truth, which is a prettier way to say that he has lied. the list goes on, and all he wants to do is find solace at the bottom of a vodka bottle. but this is not something he can run away from. not when he fucked up something so essential to who he is today, the organization he is devoted to with all he has — it's not a mistake that can be glossed over. he needs to fix this, whatever it takes.

     it's hard to forget how everything crumbled, the way the leader of ukiyo called off the meeting immediately, men of both sides growing tenser, hands going to their guns. it's a miracle everyone walked out in one piece, and eunjae knows he has a lot of explaining to do, to ares, to his members, but the shame of it burns him to his core, desperation is the only thing that drives him further. he has always been good at self-preservation, taking care of himself first, staying alive no matter what life threw at him — but there are limits to that. his loyalty to the organization and ares comes first, and he knows he needs to do whatever it takes to begin fixing what he messed up.

     and that's how he finds himself at shinjuku. it's not a place where fraternity members should be, and knowing this, he came unarmed, nothing to his name, even a cellphone. it's stupid in a way, and he knows ares will hate him even more when he finds out, but jae is determined to go through with this. the guards at the door raise an eyebrow when he pulls up his sleeves to show the tattoo of jade. "i'm here to talk to sejo." he lets out, and they scoff. it's only after he tells them he is of high rank that they pause. a few moments later they push him inside to what seems to be a waiting room, and tell him little else. he supposes they are checking in with sejo first. they already patted him down, but his own members would do the same, so he stays put. anxiety bubbles in his veins as he picks at a thread on his pants, so nervous, so desperate, he tries to rehearse what he is going to say to the man.

     when park eunjae had walked out of hanbin’s life almost six years ago, he had not expected to ever see him again. hanbin had not counted on ever receiving an apology, let alone a proper explanation as to why and he most definitely had not expected wanting it even though it had been six years. still, hanbin was seated in a booth in the far back of his favourite café on campus, clutching his hands around a cup of hot coffee to warm his hands. as it turned out, his urge for closure was bigger than his wrath.

     or maybe it was his lack of anger that had allowed for this conversation to take place. hanbin had changed a lot since moving out of the lower layer. the self-pity and outrage because of what he didn’t have had been replaced with appreciation for the chances he had had. the constant quest for something bigger and better ceased once he realized that he already had everything he wanted. something steady and comfortable with enough leeway to repay his father for the sacrifices he had made.

     hanbin was happy and maybe this was his way of figuring out if eunjae was happy as well. maybe this conversation would confirm what hanbin had suspected all along… eunjae and hanbin just hadn’t been right for each other. their relationship would have fallen apart whether eunjae had left or not so maybe hanbin had to take use of this opportunity and issue an apology of his own.

     he is sunken in thought, his wait spent revisiting memories until eunjae slides into the booth. “you know, i have to say i wasn’t expecting your texts. not even after running into you the other day.” he says, a slight hint of a smile curled around the corners of his lips. “i had to change my number after moving here so i’m surprised you found me.”

@aszion

    it was odd, leaving a life behind. it wasn't the first skin eunjae had to shed to become the person he is now, but it didn't mean that his past lives didn't live any scars. changing professions, identities, locations, and most of all, leaving people behind didn't happen easily, as much as jae acted like it did. there were many regrets that plagued his mind when he couldn't sleep at nights, the what-ifs, mistakes he made, and at times like that, there was little to be done but will the time to pass, or get busy doing something else.

    hanbin was one of those regrets, an odd case, because still to this day, jae knows there wasn't anything else he could have done. maybe that's an empty lie to console himself, maybe he actually means it, jae can't afford to dwell on it. one way or another, he knows seeing the younger again brought guilt in its wake, an emotion that made him want to crawl and drink until he could forget it. however, he was an adult now, and he knew he had a promise to keep. so, he did what he should have done a long time ago, offered hanbin answers he should have had all along.

    an intrinsic feeling tells him to skip the meeting, that perhaps this won't heal old wounds but open them up instead. they have new lives now, other people in their lives, they weren't meant for each other all along, but all of that combined together still doesn't change the fact that jae cared about him, and he still does. or he wouldn't be at the café after all. he slips into the booth across him, trying to battle the rising stress in his chest. he can do this, he will do this, so with an intake of breath, he looks up. as if reading his thoughts, hanbin's the one who speaks first.

skye’s chest heaves with breaths she doesn’t need to catch, a feeling within her that amounts to the closest she’ll ever come to an adrenaline rush in her artificiality. her eyes dart to the end of the alleyway, watching and listening for signs, anything to suggest they’re not out of harm’s way. the panic of the citizens can be heard and felt as they run by, but none have malicious intent at least. they just want to get somewhere safe. it allows her to relax, at least momentarily, so she can check on the male she’s helped.

“i think you did…” she agrees, a frown on her lips, gaze following the blood trailing down the side of his face. digging into her pocket, she pulls out a handkerchief and gently dabs at the crimson color running free, shocking herself after only a moment when she realizes she didn’t ask to do so. “ah, i apologize. you’re… bleeding…” she briefly shows the sullied handkerchief to him, offering it back instead to let him finish.

“is it just your head? are you hurt anywhere else? what about your hands?” she asks, the questions coming rapid-fire but she can’t help it. the last time she’d seen blood spilled had been niji’s own and after that she’d never seen him again.

     his heart continues to thump in his chest, faster than usual as adrenaline pumps through his veins. it's not the first high-stress situation jae has ever been in, but the fall and the injury must be throwing him off rhythm more than he thought it would. he realizes he is bleeding when there is a handkerchief pressed to his face and his eyebrows furrow in confusion. "oh —" the small sound leaves his mouth, eyes gazing towards the hand on his face.

     "thank you. i, i had no idea..." only when he reaches out to touch his head, his hands begin to sting. a numbing feeling washing away and bringing pain in its wake. he can't help but hiss as he looks down, shards of glass stuck and rivulets of blood dripping down to his wrists. "oh, shit — this sucks."  the man lets out in a wince, and when he tries to open his hands further to inspect the wounds, it just pulls another wince out of him.

if sol’s learned anything about the past, it’s that it’s best left alone. forgotten. it’s harder to live the life of a shadow when people know your name. harder to pull yourself through the gutter when there are uncomfortable memories sticking to your skin like glue-traps. that’s how he tries to keep it. but here jae is, sitting across from him in this bar. looking at him like there might be something there. some connection that sol’s long buried. it makes the hairs on the nape of his neck stand up when someone stares at him like that. like they’ve got something worth knowing. it dredges up anxiety, off-kilter paranoia. what’s jae have a right to know about him anyway? it’s been long enough – what, a year now? a bit longer than that, actually.

maybe the boy jae knew has long since been dead too. buried out back with those uncomfortable memories in a cheap coffin.

but still, jae sits. he stares. stares like he has something on his mind, on the tip of his tongue, even. sol almost wants to growl out a preemptive ‘shut up’ but he doesn’t. just drinks too much in one gulp and lets it burn-choke at his throat on the way down.

his name sounds too-familiar rolling off of jae’s tongue, and sol wants to unfurl the knife tucked away at his waist. make him rethink the way his name might taste. he wants it bloody. coughed up metallic with regret. not this bittersweet bullshit, like he might have something he wants to tell him, pulled up a weight. a rough, grating sort of thing before it lurches to a stop and jae cuts himself off. sol eyes him, nearly a warning. “about?” he asks him next. more to drink. he’ll need another soon, but at least it’ll be an excuse to peel himself up off the wobbling chair, away from jae’s eyes. if only for a moment.

sol can’t stop up the laugh that shakes free when jae finishes talking. it’s not what a laugh should sound like though. it’s dry. caustic. and sol’s smile reads vile. the extent of his good humor spread thin. sol’s never been all too good at forgiving. “at least it makes one of us.” his smile widens, and he reaches across the table to crack their glasses together in a cheers. drains the rest of it and muffles the following cough into the crook of his elbow. the smell of smoke lingers like a distraction, san inhales. 

and now he wants a smoke.

“but, fine. whatever. how’s your new clubhouse going? got a friendship bracelet you wanna show me?” he asks him, and it sounds nearly conversational, despite the sarcasm laced tight through the words. he shakes out a pack, glances around to see if he can catch a no smoking sign before he props a cigarette between his lips. 

     the silence stretches between the two, and something akin to guilt traces lines across jae's skin. it's easy, so easy to read that sol would prefer to be anything but be here, next to him, speaking to him — and it stings. it hurts because he never wished them to be this distant from one another, nor did he think his decisions would cause such a drift. perhaps he should have, there are a lot of what-ifs that run around in his mind, but in the end, he knows it's his fault.

     the curt reply slash question feels like a slap, and he can't but avert his eyes, swirling the contents of his drink in the glass as he looks down. jae has never been good with words, nor emotions, his tone bitter and backhanded in almost every occasion, it's hard to speak honest words. but now, he has to try, even if he has no idea how to get his thoughts across to the younger. but he will do his best, because sol is slippery, maybe always has been, and even right then, jae isn't sure if he is going to stay for the duration of the evening.

     "about what happened in the past year — since we've last seen each other." i worried about you, still do, he wants to say, but a part of him knows that's a recipe for disaster, that sol wouldn't appreciate such honesty. there is a fine line with keeping your emotions tight shut, and making sure you're open to your friends, and right then, jae honestly doesn't know which end to go with. probably the first, if sol's reaction so far is an indication.

    at the reply, he just, sighs, end of his lips turned up into something more melancholic than it should be. his glass is raised to clink against the other's, and he takes a swig of it next, letting the liquid burn down his throat. jae fights the urge to say anything negative at the sarcastic string of questions. this is not what he's here for, and sol is not an enemy — reminding himself that just makes it sting more, but there is little he can do.

TWO –

revisiting ghosts with @aszion, late in an undisclosed bar.

the glass feels clammy against his palm. the room feels too warm. the people too loud. a crackle of white noise that buzzes like a swarm of flies overhead. discomfort, and it wraps around him like wet wool. it didn’t used to feel like this, a claustrophobia that chokes at him. jae’s presence a rope wound around his throat. he used to be a comfort, back then. someone he’d seek out. a balm, a thick and honeyed thing, their relationship. like jae knew him. and he knew him better than most. sol has a way about him, a thorny disposition and it’s hard not to cut down deep in the process.

it softened though, over time. at least around jae. at least a little bit. sol identified with him. a kinship that was built up from a shared profession and the loneliness it struck them both with. it made sense, to come together. camaraderie. a shared experience. sol doesn’t have a name for them, really. what they were. but he knows what they are now. that’s easy enough to figure out.

nothing.

and yet – here he is. crammed into this bar with him. sol’s got his shoulders hunched, and his eyes keep sliding toward the doors, like he’s contemplating making a break for it. probably because he is. jae might be able to spot that. if he remembers much about him. not that it’s all too fair for sol to cast judgement. he was technically the one who cut and ran. but he also thinks jae forced it out of him. went off and joined something bigger, something sol had admitted he could never be a part of. it felt a lot like being cut out. cut down. 

cast aside, and that wasn’t new. and that’s what he got, wasn’t it? for trusting someone.

and how did it make it better, when jae asked him along? like an afterthought, and it burned him harsh and raw. because sol hated the thought of it. all he wanted to do was carry on, keep his head down, keep himself afloat. he didn’t want to make waves. he didn’t want to catch attention. he wanted to continue his dead-drift. a ghost of a boy. but what did jae care? and what did jae know about him in the end, anyway? fuck all as far as sol’s concerned. 

“so…” he starts. stops. what’s there to talk about? what an unfortunate meeting, didn’t know you still worked these low-circuit jobs that i do? it tastes flat on his tongue, and so he doesn’t push it past the barrier of his teeth. he drinks it down instead, drowns it in liquid reminiscent of acid. too strong, but that’s what sol’s after right now.

“so.” he tries again, wipes at his mouth with the back of his hand. “don’t you got somewhere to be?” that falls flat too, but it least it doesn’t feel as personal. 

    it's a tricky thing, how life brings up the worst things at the best time, how what seems like a curse unravels to be a blessing. that's how he turned out to be the man he is today, by fucking up a job that was for the fraternity, and years later down the line — here he is, a strategist now. it's impossible to predict the future, what might be for the better for someone in the long run. he had once thought he'd work alone forever, could he really trust someone out there? after everything he went through, could he really? then he met sol down the line, they were similar in many ways, trying to make a living for themselves. alone. jae knew the masks they wore, well enough to figure out the younger was also wearing one.

    eunjae believed that knew sol well, the real sol behind the mask, and so did the other when it came to the front jae put up for the rest of the world. he has always felt... protective towards the younger, knowing the unpredictability of the world they lived in. what turned out to be a blessing for him, could have easily been something that ruined sol's life. and that scares him still to this day. after all, eunjae himself doesn't work alone anymore, has people to count on, gang members, a leader, people he trusts and could give a call if he ever got into something he couldn't get out of. when it comes to sol, on the other hand, jae highly doubts the other has that level of safety, which was why he tried to convince him to join. maybe having a leash around your neck left much to be desired, but it was better, much better than being all by yourself against the entire world.

    a part of eunjae feels guilty now, that perhaps he messed it up, should have worded the offer better, tried to convince sol in other ways, better ways. there was a long-time period where they didn't see each other at all, and many times, sol crossed through jae's mind. he always hoped sol was alright and in once piece.

    so, when they cross paths again by some miracle, he has no plans whatsoever to let him go so easily. he learned his lesson about not making any offers again, but he wants to catch up, wants to know more about what sol has been doing. they sit across each other at the bar, a table in the corner, dim lighting reflecting from the glasses in front of them. jae's eyes watch his movements, and he can't help but think sol is acting like a cornered animal, not wanting to be there, wanting to be anywhere else but there. it stings a little, and he hopes to ease some of the tension.

@aszion

maverick doesn’t drink. at least not usually, and very rarely in public. liquor slicks up the mask so it slips– slackens his tongue, greases his words so they’re harder to swallow down, his expressions erring on the side of honest.  indulging means far too much risk with too little to gain. 

but everyone else is fair game.

“i’ve got your next one.“ his eyes crinkle at the corners, his mouth crooking higher on the left. rakish. it’s his media smile. the one that matches his brighter dress shirts, his more casual shoes. his pa says it makes him look approachable. like he gives a shit. “and the next. you’re the prettiest thing at the bar. keep me company and i’ll keep them coming.“

     he is annoyed, bitter and knows he needs some time to cool off, again. it hasn't been a good day, nowhere near even. what better way to do that than drink his thoughts away? alcohol is one of his main vices besides smoking, and when jae is done with work for the fraternity, he doesn't think twice before he takes off. god knows he has seen enough of ares' smug face grinning at someone else.

Their relationship is definitely something Rin’s happy to have back. After so many years distanced from each other, after so many years not knowing what had happened to his little neighbor, he feels extremely relieved to see the younger man has been okay — as okay as one can be after running away from home. Rin doesn’t know too much about what happened, he has never asked about it despite being curious about what happened to Eunjae. He fears it was something he could have avoided. But he can’t change the past and he is only grateful to have the other man back in his life, even though the circumstances aren’t the same as they were when the two of them were much younger and the world was different.

He cares about Jae, he really does. Rin remembers the many times he managed to take the younger boy out of complicated situations with Mr. Park — I’ll help Eunjae with homework, he’d say as an excuse to take little Eunjae from his house every time he heard Mr. Park scream at him in another one of his drunk episodes. The two of them would stay at Rin’s place until they were both sure the man was controlled again, and to say the least, Rin’s father also cared a lot about their little neighbor. The Maedas had ( and still have ) huge sympathy for Eunjae.

So when he receives a call from the other man asking for an available slot in his schedule, Rin doesn’t hesitate to save him the rest of the afternoon so they can spend time without worrying about a next appointment ( not that Rin’s schedule is that full, either ). He’s crouched behind the shop’s cashier, looking for the needles he’s gonna need to do the retouch on Eunjae’s tattoo when he arrives. 

“Yep, come in!” The older of the two says in a loud tone of voice to make sure the other hears him and rushes to find the packages of brand new needles he’s gonna use. Once he has them in hands, he stands back up and smiles at his old friend. “Hi, Jae. How’re you?”

     seeing the other is enough to put a smile on his face, face morphing into a grin, eyes crinkling once he spots rin behind the cashier. "rin! hey man—" he moves forward to pull him into a one-armed hug, both of their hands are full, but it works considerably well before he pulls back. "i've been well. busy, taking care of things." talking of their work within the organizations is not something they have in common (it will do more bad than good, he knows), so he steers away from that.

     "what about you though? how has the parlor been doing? have you got any celebrities coming in?" he lets out, smiling at him. he knows the shop hasn't been doing business as well as it used to, but he wishes that it has gotten better. rin is very talented, and so was his dad — he remembers looking at their sketches and drawings when he was a kid, wanting to have one but too young to actually be able to get one himself. now though, he has many tattoos littering his skin, as well as one in the form of a stone of jade. jae has been thinking about getting a new one, but before that, some of his already needed re-touching. when they get to that, he considers talking with rin about a brand new tattoo, he has some ideas, but knows rin will help him through it nonetheless.

HIS CALL WASN’T CONNECTING , and it was freaking him out . his father and haeju had no reason to be near the sudden riot but still — he wanted to make sure . but his call wasn’t going through and he was losing his cool the longer his phone kept ringing . ares presses speed dial once more , biting down on his lip as he waits . ‘ come on , baby . ’ but nothing , the call kept ringing .

ares was so close to flinging his phone against the wall — when his door slammed open . he looks up , startled and wide - eyed , relaxing at the familiar face . but it doesn’t last long as he takes in eunjae’s state . ares ignores the older’s queries as he rips his hands off his shoulders , holding them down as he glaringly gives the other a once - over .

‘ what the fuck happened to you ?? ’ he asks bitingly , panic molding into anger as he takes in the bandages , the bruises , the blood . ‘ fucking christ — were YOU there ? ’

     fuck, seeing ares in once piece is such a relief, all jae wants is to pull him in an embrace. however, he is pushed away instead, and anger isn't an emotion he's expecting from ares. then again, in his worry and pain-addled mindset, he doesn't pay it any mind, eyes searching frantically as he lets the other inspect the bandages on his hands. a wince is pulled from him, blood tainted bandages with cuts that are nowhere near healing just yet.

     if he had time to sit somewhere and rest, he would. god, he wants to sleep for eight hours straight, but as it stands, there are more pressing matters at hand. his body hurts in numerous places, the terrible headache hasn't left, he’s happy his head stopped bleeding, but that and his hands continue to sting. the strategist is grateful for skye's help, for both patching him up and pulling him out of the scene. he doesn't know why, but he realizes that he went into shock for some damn reason, for the shortest of moments, unsure what the hell was happening.

    and after they part ways, both worried out of their minds for their loved ones, eunjae rushes towards the headquarters. the city is in havoc, people trying to get from one place to another, police patrols at every corner. he must look like a right mess with bandages around his hands and blood messily wiped off of his face, so people don't bother him, and eunjae is glad. all he needs to know is if ares is alright — a short phone call notified him that the man was there, and that's all he needs to know.

↳ @aszion

it’s evening and though employees are just now preparing to leave for the day, skye takes her leave from her usual path of wandering around in front of yoriyoi kenko. usually she hovers around, waiting and watching for the woman who she once claimed as her owner, but lately her visits are becoming farther and few between. she’s realized it’s far too reckless for her to be seen around here, regardless of how infrequent the visits are. there is the matter, too, of questioning herself just why she comes there in the first place. nostalgia and rose-colored glasses and all that, she supposes.

blending in and moving along with the sea of people, she intends to travel back to the lower layer and go home or check in with her fellow members to see if there’s anything that requires her attention. however, the moment she steps into essentially the heart of the district, everything shifts. the sounds of small explosions fill the air, thick plumes of smoke rise up around them, trapping everyone by means of confusion. skye’s head snaps back and forth for sight of the cause, but is quickly distracted by the loud and echoing chants surrounding her.

“NO MORE ANDROIDS! NO MORE ANDROIDS! TOKYO IS OURS, AND WE’LL TAKE IT BACK FROM THEM!”

her fists clenched at her sides at the same time as she feels moisture build up behind her eyes, conflicting emotions of anger and anguish causing every word to cut her in two. she’s seen many an outrage at androids, seen what contempt can drive a person to do, but never on this level, never to this degree. a movement dedicated solely to driving out her and her people. she tries to comprehend it but she struggles.

in spite of the person speaking, people around her bump and push her to get away from the area, eliminating any further attempts she has at decently thinking about this. it causes her attention to re-focus and in that moment she catches sight of someone fallen into broken glass, the male’s attention on righting himself and not the people rushing around to get away. they’re headed straight for him, the group big enough to trample him.

skye acts immediately and rushes over to him, leaving behind the current situation for something she can help with right this moment. none too gently, in spite of herself, she grabs onto the fabric of his shirt and jacket, yanking until he’s forced to get up and come with her. she leads him to the first space out of the way she finds, a tiny alleyway carved between two buildings, and only then does she speak. “are you okay?”

    fraternity business has been... tricky in the last few months, but it has been steadily getting better, something of which eunjae is grateful for. it has been less than a year since he has been appointed as a strategist, and he does his utmost best to make sure they stay at the top. it's insane how things have evolved to this point, but for once in his life, luck has been on his side when it comes to his profession. who would have imagined messing something up so badly would turn out this way? he had been forced to help at the beginning, but that had passed, and he knew he wanted to stay. with friends and people he trusted, eunjae is completely loyal to the organization.

     personal matters, however, is an entirely different subject, and currently leaves him fuming. eunjae is rarely hot-headed with organization matters but ares? god, he manages to tick eunjae off so easily, they both share the same trait of trying to get on the other's nerves. it's just one of many instances where he saw ares doing god knows what, and eunjae knew he needed some time to cool off. and for that reason, he left the headquarters and decided to go to akihabara to pick up some hardware parts, knowing tech stores have gotten new stock recently.

    it's supposed to be an easy trip, to spend some time away, blow off some steam and get his mind off things. when he expects the least, everything turns chaotic, people screaming, smoke bombs, people running from one place to another, the loud speech coming from the speakers. however, he loses his footing, and cannot focus on anything but the sharp pain, glass hitting his head and the next thing he knows, he is kneeling, trying to get up and do something, anything — he isn't prepared for this, and he guesses none of them are. but if he knew, he would at least bring a gun, something; then again, what good would that do when he can't even see?

    their relationship is... complicated to say the least. they were close once, childhood friends who knew everything about each other, it was rin and his dad who saved eunjae from the shittiest moments in his life, and god knows what he would do if there weren't there. however, there is also no denying the fact that they drifted apart. so much that they hadn't heard from each other for more than a couple of years. eunjae knew it was his fault, he was the one who ran away, and in a way, eunjae still felt indebted. above that, he cared about rin and his dad a lot. unfortunately, there was the jarring fact that they weren't the same people anymore.

    in two completely different organizations, with different ideals and goals, it was tricky getting along again. it was awkward at first, but they made it work, hung out every once in a while, and jae made sure to visit rin's dad as much as he could. if there was anything he could do for the elder, he did it instantly. and when it came to him and rin, even if they couldn't be as close as they used to be once, they grew close. the other was a good friend, and then there was something else too. completely no strings attached, they knew what each other wanted, and eunjae knew rin had an idea about how emotionally occupied jae was.

                                                𝖯𝖠𝖱𝖪 𝖤𝖴𝖭𝖩𝖠𝖤                                                                                       ( moodboard 001.)