astrovisionary

i really love bts though. i don’t know what that means. it’s easier for me to love artists that much instead of regular people. i have too much love. only something unreal can take it. i can just love other people a normal amount of “a lot” instead of the magnitude of my real capacity to love.

if i love you, you will never be loved the same way, the same amount, ever again. but not everyone wants that, or can handle it. and ultimately i can never be loved the same way back, except in the surreal way an artist can love the phantom, obscure you.

both my favourite bands before have loved me that way. but the older i get, the more experience i have, i appreciate grounded things more. the romance in the every day; a romance that is not necessarily poetic or beautiful. something more naive and earnest.

more and more i think about the end of my life, and when it’ll be, as my youth fades away. being smart makes me sad. sometimes i wonder if i could have been more useful to the world. but everyone disappears, in time. am i really that important? no. sometimes i’m ok with that and sometimes i’m not.

i feel like anything is possible and i’ll be ok.

i’ve been healthier and more focused. sometimes i feel old… but i think that’s normal.

it would be slightly less creepy that i still want to marry him.

have you ever hoped for a place you didn’t have to hold back? or hoped you didn’t care that you do.

i really do enjoy extreme. i enjoy the dream. the fantasy. but real.

the last week i’ve been telling myself i’m deluded. really deluded. just to try and get me to be more normal. and then i ask myself “what’s so good about being normal?”

i’m getting older but i stil look young. and to be honest id rather burn out than fade away. i’ve been weak for 4 years. can i dig myself out of this?

it’s nice when someone likes you to act like they like you. and it’s not weird.

because i’m so sick of you acting like you like me and telling people you like me but then just being weird!! i already said i liked you!! unless it’s just a game.

i’m tired of thinking “you’re not the one. i’m not the one”.