Fanon vs. canon Peerless Cucumber

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@astrojamin
Fanon vs. canon Peerless Cucumber

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Let's be real, his job is to be online...
clicking Mark’s new video and him ending it with “I can finally escape the blood ocean and curl up into Ryan Gosling’s arms” made me put my head into my hands.
It makes me feel like this
shipping a consensual, safe & sane pairing all the while i'm shaking my head in disapproval so the audience knows i still love wildly toxic abusive fictional dynamics
tragedy protagonist categories:
yknow what yeah I think that's just about how anyone would react in this situation. fair enough.
alright this isn't how just Anyone would behave in this situation but I'm humble enough to admit that there have been times in my life when I was doing badly enough that I'd probably also fumble it like this
babygirl what the hell are you even doing
thank you hamlet prince of denmark for being the character ever for the 437th year in a row

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more characters with psychic powers who get migraines and seizures after they use them. i wanna see someone kill a bunch of ppl with their mind and then lay in a dark room vomiting for two days
like the betrayal’s always going to be worse if they cared about you and it didn’t matter. someone discards you because they didn’t give a shit, then you can be angry about that, you can feel vindicated in that, you can get over it. but if they can look you in the eyes and say “I love you. I would make the same choice again.” You will never sleep peacefully again, is all.
“I thought they cared about me, but they were lying this whole time.” <- tired. boring. removes all the nuance of this relationship to make it easier to move on from.
“I thought they cared about me, and I was right, and every minute they were there for me, every time they said they were proud, every laugh we shared leaning against each other bruised and breathless, all of it was real. and they still left me behind. They could put their love aside. I couldn’t.” <- insane. will never leave you alone. reminds you that even the worst people are still people and can still care about even the ones they hurt the most and that undoes neither the harm nor the love.
My silly text post art almost always ends up being Cumplane related…ig its because they’re the Shitpost Brothers
Possessiveness is awesome.specifically if the possessive person is kind of embarrassed and ashamed and turning inwards about it
Alpha boyfriend beats the shit out of some guy for touching his discord kitten or whatever <- unfathomably unsexy
Repressed freak has private breakdown about other people being affectionate with their favorite person on earth and has a guilt spiral about it afterwards <- awesome and sexy. To Me.
Repressed freak does all of that and then is forced for some reason to say, out loud, with their words that yeah basically I feel like you're Mine and it's very upsetting to me when other people touch you or make you smile or laugh sorry I try not to feel that way I know it's wrong of me sorry sorry sorry <- REALLY AWESOME AND SEXY. TO ME.
what if we kissed and we were both tyrannical rulers and girls
can i interest anybody in my old lady yuri

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Remember that one disney channel movie where the kid found out his mom's family were all leprechauns and he was half-leprechaun and he had to beat an evil leprechaun in a set of three challenges with the condition that the evil one would be banished to "The land of my father, on the shores of Erie" if he lost. And then the kid won and the evil leprechaun was like "joke's on you, once I return to Ireland I will become more powerful than you can possibly imagine; by the way, it's pronounced 'Eire'!"
And the kid goes "No, no. I said what I meant. My dad's from Cleveland. You are going to Ohio."
it’s so magical and beautiful that there are sprawling interconnected cave systems carved deep into the earth by various geological forces and you don’t have to go in them. there are miles and miles of stone passageways in total darkness that require you to exhale all the air out of your lungs to squeeze through parts of them and you don’t have to be there. some of these squeezes are underwater and require cave divers to take off their oxygen tanks and push them through ahead of them and me i am above ground looking at the sky as we speak. there are untold subterranean wonders no human has ever seen and i will not be the one to discover them #grateful #blessed
cave divers when they are happily married with kids and beloved by their community but theres a crack in the bottom of a lake called The Devil’s Rotting Esophagus where 57 people have died
I wish Mythbusters was still around so we could see them fuck up a Cybertruck
I wish Mythbusters was still around so we could see them fuck up a Cybertruck
I wish Mythbusters was still around so we could see them fuck up a Cybertruck

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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I wish Mythbusters was still around so we could see them fuck up a Cybertruck
I wish Mythbusters was still around so we could see them fuck up a Cybertruck