Astha 🏳‍🌈

That time my “dad” hit me across the head and screamed at me when we were on a walk. I was six and had just thrown a snow ball at him. He said that I was being sly because I was mad.

That time my dad had a fit over the butter knife still having some butter on it and threw it across the room. Wedging itself into the cupboard by my sisters head, theirs still a hole there.

That time my cat was missing so my mom hit me on the back of the head and screamed at me that it was my fault that he got out and that he was going to die alone and afraid outside because of me (he’s ok, we found him three days later hiding under a bush safe and sound)

The time my mom yelled at me for a hour straight because I told the doctor I called the suicide hotline. She yelled at me the entire car ride and at home. So much screaming and hitting it scares me still. I had a break down over it just yesterday and she yelled at me to get over it and started to complain about her problems and told me how she didn’t need to deal with my emotions. Because it’s not normal or important to cry over trauma.

That time when I was four and my mom had a fit of anger and pushed my head into the bath tub so hard because I didn’t want to take a bath and I almost thought I’m going to die. I was screaming and crying and she didn’t stop till I almost passed out.

My mother got so mad at me because I woke up and got out of bed on my own. She was angry, put me back into my bed, hit me 3 times on the left side and broke my ear drum. Had to take me to the doctor because of it. The pediatrician called the police on her while I was in her office. I was 3. I remember allllll of it .

I’ve been having a lot of flashbacks to this lately: When I was 12 and lived in a rural area, the kids who lived near us called us for help because they were home alone and someone was trying to get into their house. Their house was about a 5 minute drive away. My mum took me with her, drove her car around their property for a bit, said she saw no-one, then left me there with them and told me to call her if anything happened and she went back home. No mobile phones, no car to escape, just 3 kids on their own, miles away from anyone else, and I was in charge. Luckily the rest of the night was quiet, but funny thing, someone was actually trying to break in, they found him later. Thanks for taking such great care of the kids, you a-hole coward.

That time when my EX- therapist accused me of faking being abused and having PTSD because I was bitter at the person I was making “unfounded accusations” against. She said this to me during my emergency meeting, as I had been in the ER for suicidal thoughts the night before.

My father threw me into a fan while tossing me up in the air. He told me to get up and walk it off. I was 4. 

The time dad #2 dragged me from under the bed and beat me until I have my first panic attack and almost stopped breathing at age 5.

The times “stepfather” would lock me out of the house, in the cold, and sit there and laugh at me, and get my sisters to laugh, while I screamed and cried, begging for them to let me back in, terrified and furious and alone.

The time my dad at 8am, decided to come into my room and dump trash on me while I asleep in my bed because I didn’t take it the night before. I had to wash my sheets, cleaning my room and scrub my floor in only an hour before I had to go to work when I was 14.

The time.my dad would lock me in my room for days on end while I screamed and begged to be leg out for the bathroom and for a drink.

The time my dad choked me in Aldi’s because I stood up to my mom while she was publicly harassing me.

Besides the occasional beating I got throughout my childhood for my own "benefit" as they still say. This one time my "aunt" held my 4yr old body between her thighs and force fed me tomatoes because I left them again on my plate. I was crying and screaming mess while my mother didn't even bothered looking away from the TV to help her own child.

Reblog if you would also like a to be a little pool cleaning robot, with only the capacity to appreciate your surroundings and feel the satisfaction of a job well done.