The How-To Guide: Building Instant Charisma
When you look in the dictionary for charisma, you may just find a photo of Former President Bill Clinton. Whether you agree, disagree, or despise his politics, there’s one thing we can most all agree on: he exudes charisma from every pore of his body. What makes him so charismatic? Is it a reality distortion field? Was he born that way? Well it turns out that contrary to popular belief, charisma can be learned. In her book, Olivia Fox Cabane discusses how modern research has dispelled the Charisma Myth. In this post we’ll reveal our favorite tips for being charismatic.
Contrary to popular belief perceptions of charisma do not fluctuate by the length or content of the meeting, rather it’s how present you are in the conversation. At the end of the day, your aim should be to project power and warmth. While power alone comes off as cold or arrogant, warmth alone can appear desperate or subservient.
1. First Impressions Matter…a lot
You’ve surely heard the expression, “You only get one first impression.” While cliche, it’s true and important. When we first meet someone we judge him or her on tons of different things. We then spend the rest of relationship trying to prove those things correct. At first, be sure to direct attention towards them by answering their questions with a fact and personal anecdote/note, then turn the question on them. In the end, what you talked about - the words and content - doesn’t matter, it’s how they felt speaking with you.
2. Shake it like a polaroid picture
To ace a handshake, make sure to stand up, smile briefly but warmly, make significant eye contact, wrap fingers around the other person’s hand, lock your thumb down once contact is made, and firmly shake from the elbow. You can give your handshake extra warmth by extending your index finger onto the inside of the person’s wrist as you clasp hands.
Body Language Speaks Louder than Words
In high stake situations and conflict, we tend to trust nonverbal signal over verbal signals.
One of the most powerful techniques in using body language is “mirroring.” Mirroring a person’s body language activates feelings of liking and trust.
Beyond mirroring, when meeting someone, where you sit is also important. While it’s common to sit on opposites sides of a table when meeting someone, sitting in 90 degree angles is far less confrontational and less conducive to an argument.
The last body language tip is to assume an expansive pose. It turns out taking up more space actually affects you mentally. Expansive poses increase testosterone which in turn make you feel more confident and more powerful. Just watch how more senior people act in a restaurant or board room. You’ll likely see them drape their arms over an adjacent chair or lean back. It works!
Hacking the Charisma Within
There are two invaluable tricks that can help you prepare for meeting and refocus you when you feel yourself getting distracted.
Our minds are constantly adrift. Evolutionarily speaking, paying attention to multiple things was essential for our survival. Now with the advent of smart phones and social media our evolutionary tendency for wanting to keep track of multiple things often exceeds our limits, so we zone out and lose focus. The next time you find your mind drifting mid-conversation, bring yourself back by quickly concentrating on your toes. Being mindful of your toes will force your mind to sweep through your body and as a result, you’ll become more in tune with the moment.
2. Deploy Jedi Mind Tricks…on your self
There’s a reason top athletes like Tiger Woods, Michael Jordan, Wayne Gretzky swear by visualization. Imagining oneself performing an activity or tasks activates the identical parts of the brain that are used in actually performing the activity. That sounds great, but you're probably wondering how does that help me in my day-to-day?
Feeling anxious or unnerved? Visualize a 20-second hug to get a solid dose of calming oxytocin - the neurochemical responsible for reversing the arousal from the fight-or-flight response.
Feeling overwhelmed or defeated? Imagine an experience where you felt triumphant. See the smiles, feel handshakes, and hear the sounds.
Feeling ungrateful? While slightly morbid, focus on three personal abilities, imagine your eulogy at your funeral, or narrate your autobiography in third person.
Feeling a lack of compassion? And if you're not feeling morbid enough, put yourself in their shoes and think about what you would say at their funeral.
Now all these tricks and tips might not be enough to get you to the Whitehouse (though, maybe?), but they are empirically proven to increase your charisma. So start putting them to use and please let us know how they work!