dad jokes pt.6
i’m on a seafood diet. i see food and i eat it.

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@asrithaa
dad jokes pt.6
i’m on a seafood diet. i see food and i eat it.

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dad jokes pt.5
why do seagulls fly over the ocean?
because if they flew over they bay, we would call the bagels.
dad jokes pt.4
i only know 25 letters of the alphabet. i don’t know y.
dad jokes pt.3
dear math, grow up and solve your own problems.
dad jokes pt.2
singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth. then it is a soap opera.

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dad jokes
i’m afraid for the calendar. it’s days are numbered.
dating shawn mendes would include...
→ summary: a shawn headcanon bc we all need a lil shawn in our lives WOW LOOK AT HIM OUCH
IM SORRY IT’S NOT TOM/PETER PLEASE DON’T KILL ME
→ word count: 482
→ warnings: none really
→ masterlist
what a babe
like wow
he’s literally an angel on earth
so, lets get this started..
so, he’d be super clingly whenever he’d be tired
for example, once he got home from tour, he was all over you
always wrapping his arms around your waist
small kisses peppered across your face
playing with his curls
o u c h ^
him humming to you every now and again
being the literal #1 fan of him
being there for him whenever the fame gets a little too much
ha, see what i did there?
he’d hug and kiss you forever if he could
but who would complain
going to almost all his concerts because you want to support him as much as you can
wearing his merch and rocking it like a pro
“is that the roses shirt?”
“so what if it is?”
“oh, i don’t mind, you just look incredibly irresistible in it.”
making him giggle
yes
g i g g l e
it was the cutest shit ever
always having contests for the stupidest shit
“i bet you can’t wash the dishes faster than i can.”
“oh, really? how much?”
“10.”
“you’re so on.”
and you’d be laughing as he shamefully handed you a 10 dollar bill
which you’d give back because you felt bad for him
he’d smile before kissing you and sneakily shoving it in your back pocket
just because
he felt like you deserved it
he’d carry you whenever you were tired
“shawnnn.”
“i’m coming, i’m coming.”
you’d smile whenever you’d hear his voice and guitar in the other room, writing some songs
him writing songs about you
and you absolutely swooning for him because i mean
just look at him
just listen to him
he’s literally such a babe
“i love you.”
“i love you way more.”
“not possible.”
“try me.”
“fine. let’s go. you, me, bed, now.”
you’d smile before the two of you made your way to the bedroom
whenever you’d get on his back, you’d grow a whole foot taller
“woah, this is what it looks like up here.”
he’d fake laugh,”ha ha, it’s pretty great up here.”
you rested your head on his shoulder as he looked behind at you,”how so?”
“i get to see you at a whole different angle of you than most people do.”
you, being the shorter one, would always have to ask shawn for help when you couldn’t reach stuff
“shawn, can you grab the flour for me?”
“why, your t-rex arms can’t reach?”
“okay, shut it you freakish giant.”
your hands being so much smaller than his that it looks like he’s a mutant
“i don’t trust mutants.”
“y/n, what the fuck? i’m not a mutant.”
“look at how huge your hands are, shawn! it’s not normal!”
but, overall
you + shawn = in love forever
the universe couldn’t tear you guys apart even if it tried
tagged: @potterhead1265 @tmrhollandkay @behxndthemask @five-foot-two-joanne@tsukishiromiki @i-love-superhero @scorpiostunner1027 @queensholland@lostamongstthecosmos @feeling-straange @lauren2408 @kaitlynthehuman @cutehollands @zpidey-sense @maggie-starz@heyrogers @jonahmaraisgirl @peterparkeroos @stephie-senpai @lol-you-thought @cutie1365 @avengersgirllorianna @jesstinydancer-blog-blog @noakantor14 @one-upon-a-walking-wolf-demigod @hista-girl @casualprincess77 @keithseabrook27@ravismorgue @game-of-spidey-imagines @tomhollandsmouthfr0g@theconscientiouswriter
sorry it’s not tom/peter omfg!!!!!
Piper: When boys smile, I die.
Reyna: When boys die, I smile.
Piper:
Piper: Oh.
Leo: Piper smiles. Pieper McBean.
Leo: Piper gets too hot. Piper McSteam.
Leo: Piper falls asleep. Piper McDream.
Piper: Say one more all I'll kill you.
Leo: That's was very-
Leo: Piper McMean.

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Knock Knock Joke
Percy: Knock knock!
Frank: Who's there?
Percy: Who!
Frank: 'Who' who?
Percy: Aw, come on Frank! Don't tell me you turned into an owl again!
Annabeth: *facepalms*
Chiron: Where's Mr. Jackson?
Jason: Doing stuff
Chiron: I don't like the sound of that. Where's Ms. Chase?
Jason: Trying to stop Percy from doing the stuff
Chiron: And Mr. Underwood?
Jason: Trying to stop Annabeth from stopping Percy from doing the stuff
Chiron: I see. And what are you doing here, Mr. Grace?
Jason: I'm supposed to stop you from stopping Grover from stopping Annabeth from stopping Percy from doing the stuff
Jason: Will and Nico sitting on a tree-
Nico: Jason get away from me
Percy: First comes love,then comes marriage-
Will: And the son of Poseidon with a spinal damage
Jacob Philipp Hackert (1737–1807) - Porto di Napoli con Lanterna e Vesuvio in eruzione | Port of Naples with Lantern and Mount Vesuvius erupting (1771)
🎶 Listen to our December staff picks from the Tumblr team 🎶

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SELENA GOMEZ in ONLY MURDERS IN THE BUILDING 1.02
Solo Artists
Solo Artists (Year in Review’s Version)
Taylor Swift +1
Harry Styles -1
Lil Nas X +9
Louis Tomlinson -1
Taemin
Britney Spears +29
Ariana Grande +2
Megan Thee Stallion +5
Lana Del Rey +1
Jennie
Rihanna -3
Lorde +15
Hozier -9
Shawn Mendes -9
Mitski +31
Lisa
Selena Gomez -10
Halsey -7
Baekhyun
Doja Cat -3
Kai
Niall Horan -16
Beyoncé -9
Billie Eilish -9
Dua Lipa +1
Key
Wonho
Paul McCartney +4
John Lennon +1
Grimes -2
Luke Hemmings
The Weeknd -12
Zayn Malik -11
Joji +15
Lady Gaga -17
George Harrison +4
David Bowie +5
Miley Cyrus
Sunmi
Nicki Minaj -17
Jackson Wang
Justin Bieber -11
Demi Lovato -2
Madison Beer -10
Lil Peep -29
Cardi B
IU
Machine Gun Kelly -23
Elton John
Frank Ocean -6
The number in italics indicates how many spots a name moved up or down from the previous year. Bolded names weren’t on the list last year.