a place for words

And, again, just like that, I am lost.

I hope this is real. But even if it isn’t, It will have been worth it for what is now. 

I know all the music, I’ve seen the faces in other films, I know the words, but I don’t speak them yet. I’ve seen the steps, but I don’t dance them yet. I can be in this picture, Without having painted it, Leaving a mark the size and shape of me.

I'm leaping. I'm leaping off and I know I will land, with both feet, intact. I'm pointing in the right direction, And all I have to do is keep walking. Walking. Walking. Walking in the right direction. I'm walking forward. Forward. I'm moving forward. I'm propelling myself forward, And it's the sweetest life.

She said her family says she needs a plan, and that even I have a plan. I said, no, which is a lie. My plan is to ask for opportunities, wholeheartedly, and see what I get, and follow it to wherever it is and hope I have the mettle to pop up a life there. My plan is to live so openly and courageously that I only attract people, friends and men who are living their lives wide open too, with the pits of their guts exposed to the world. My plan is to be where I’m at, and then to try and create opportunities to go somewhere else and be there. My plan is to live more creatively and make my heart, mind and body sing. I am not afraid of those without courage. Their expectations mean nothing to me. They just whizz past in the air, not sticking, not changing me. Just gone by.

It’s a funny little life I am in.  With my socks hanging on the rack. And my Saturday morning groceries and wander through Kings Cross.  My lifestyle and where I am. It’s my life right now.  I’ll look back on this time and it’ll be like a movie. An environment.  A theme that won’t apply any more.  Sitting on the floor, at my coffee table, writing pages, with a glass of wine and Double J,  jasmine on my window sill, my favourite ripped-at-the-inner-thigh jeans that I won’t have any more. This will be like a movie I watched, that I won’t have seen in ages.  I won’t be here forever,  and I’ll never get it back, not exactly the same. But this is where I am, and it’s fucking beautiful.