aspen ! ⋆˚꩜｡

Vin🩵

Me: “you should read Mistborn :3”

• she takes you with her on a pheasant hunt, but she leaves you alone for too long and you start whining

• the neighbor's chickens are squawking loudly and you just Have to go take a look

• 3 hours later and youre covered in chicken blood and feathers, you don't know what happened or where you are

• kristi starts yelling at you, drags you back to her car by the collar

• she pulls too hard and you can't breathe, so you bite her arm to make her let go

• she screams and hits you, you've failed, you're a bad dog and she doesn't love you anymore

• she isn't even looking at you

• she puts you in the car in the backseat and starts driving

• an hour later she pulls you out of the car into a gravel lot, she's holding something in her other hand

• you look up at her, begging for affection, for a pat, anything. she scolds you (for believing you could be loved)

• as you stare into her eyes she raises the object and places the small end between your eyes

• she lets go of your collar

• you are still bloody and your lip is split, and you can't remember what you did or where you came from

• she's all you've ever known. her and the children and the man who smelled like smoke and alcohol. your backyard. dog food in the kennel, cold water on a hot day, all 14 months of your life flash before your eyes

• why couldn't she love you?

• what did you do wrong?

• "sit for me, puppy"

• you sit, tail tucked awkwardly under you. it hurts to stay still on the harsh gravel, but you would do anything for her. anything so she would love you.

• "now stay. be a good girl & stay right there for mommy."

• even as she's backing away, you don't run after her. she told you to stay, and maybe she'll love you again if you just do what she says. (you just want her to pet you again)

• some loud sound, like the doors slamming on the nights the man gets home late, pierces the air and then

• you feel intense pain, like the time kristi kicked you in the ribs after you stole her bacon

• pressure is building inside your head, and you cannot move or breathe or think or bark or whimper

• and then the pain is gone

• you stand up shakily from lying sideways on the gravel, (when did you lie down?), and kristi is just staring at you

• you stare back at her, tail still tucked, ears down, stunned

• she turns and starts walking away

• you cannot decide whether or not to follow her back to the car. she told you to stay, but then there was a loud sound and she's leaving

• you can't make yourself move. she's walking away and the car just beeped and you can't make yourself follow her because she told you to be a good girl and stay, and you want to be good. all you have ever wanted is to be good.

• but what if she doesn't come back? isn't it better to be safe?

• your paws have already started moving, and before you know it, you're running. you reach the car just as it starts growling. the window to the front seat is still open.

• you jump, but you realize too late that the window is too high. even trying to get your paws over the ledge is too far, and you never even touch the door.

• then, though, you realize the door must have been open, because you're in the car. on the passenger seat, where she never let you sit

• she doesn't even look at you.

• you yip at her, just so she'll notice you, see you, touch you even if only to hit you. she stares at the road.

• you nuzzle at her arm, pushing your nose into the soft warmth of her shirt, but she doesn't even blink.

• maybe she's still mad at you?

• you look out your window, back to where you just were

• there's a small, furry thing laying on the ground, with a dark red stain under it. poor thing. it looks like someone shot it, and just left it for dead.

• you feel suddenly grateful and guilty. you feel so bad for misbehaving, making kristi's life harder, when she could have just shot you and left you somewhere. grateful, because she didn't, and guilty for how rude you were to demand her attention when she owed you nothing.

• the car starts moving, and you brace yourself like you always do.

• you tuck your tail and curl up on the seat. maybe if you behave, she could love you again. yeah, that's what you'll do.

• the ride is longer than any other. you can't even put your head out of the window, because it's rolled up.

• at some point the car starts playing music.

• the music cuts off, and you realize you fell asleep. you yawn and stretch, waiting for kristi to come around and open your door for you.

• she just walks into the house.

• you wait.

• she should be coming back eventually, right?

• the car is getting hot in the evening sun, but that's okay. you could stomach anything for her.

• an hour, maybe two, later, and she comes back out of the house. you start barking frantically, you knew she would come get you!

• she opens your door and you hop out, twining around her legs. you bark and yip, thanking her.

• she's not paying you any attention, though. not even a moment to scold or kick you. she's grabbing something from the seat.

• (you want her to touch you, even just to cause pain.)

• she won't look at you.

• she turns with her purse in hand away from the car, slamming the door.

• you follow her into the house, stopping to sniff the pavement before running to make sure she doesn't lock you out.

• the door closes a second after you slipped inside, and you run to greet the children. they never hurt you, and even if kristi is mad, they won't be.

• you run up to them, playing with small wooden blocks (kristi kicked you in the head for chewing on one, but you deserved it, it's okay.)

• they don't look up.

• it's like they don't even see you.

• oh.

• you really fucked up this time, huh? you ruined it.

• they're all mad at you. that's ok, you probably deserved it. that's ok, it's ok. you can fix this.

• they loved you back when you were good, right? so if you're just good enough, they'll love you again. they'll love you again, you know it, they'll have to.

• you turn and run to kristi, hoping to appeal to her. she's in her bedroom, door closed. okay, okay.

• she always hated when you pooped in the lawn, so maybe poop in the shrubs instead? even though it's further to walk, and the sticks hurt your butt, if that's what it takes to make them love you, you'll do it.

• the kids always tripped over you when you stood in doorways, so don't stand in doorways.

• they would yell at you when you barked, so don't bark? even though holding in a bark is painful, you'll do it.

• maybe your habit of sleeping in chairs bothered them?

• maybe you ate too much food, they always scolded you for begging at the table.

• maybe you just need to change!

• you stop begging at the table.

• you stop barking when the postman comes, you start sleeping on the hard floors too.

• you've been pooping in the shrubs, even though it hurts.

• it's okay, though, because they're going to start loving you again. they will. you'll be good enough for them soon, good enough for her.

• she won't look at you.

• she doesn't hit you either, so maybe she doesn't hate you anymore. maybe it will just take time for her to forgive you.

• she won't look at you.

• it's been months, now, and they haven't fed you, but maybe it's because you still don't deserve it.

• she's looking at you!

• oh, she's looking at you, why does that feel so nice? you're standing in the corner while she's eating alone at the table, and her gaze drifted over to you.

• she looks back at her food, and your heart drops again. it's ok, though, that's progress.

• she'll look at you again, though, you just know it.

• maybe you should hide today, keep yourself in her good graces. she's been so kind to you, so you should repay the favor. don't take advantage of her good will.