aaa

whenever i see a baby in public i wish i were like a powerful faerie god mother character who could give the baby a gift like “you’ll never get a cold” or “math will always make sense to you” or something like bein’ great with string instruments but I don’t have any powers that I know of but it doesn’t stop me from trying so every time I see a baby in public I tell the adult with it “what a beautiful baby” and it makes them smile and then I pretend I can take the goodness of their smile and I look at the baby and I think very hard “you will have a good life, even if it’s hard, you will end up happy” and I’m just hopin’ the magic kicks in at some point

i'm tired of flirting. let me know if you want to eat pizza and sleep together

Oh cool, we're back to c. 2012 Tumblr "touch my butt and buy me pizza" posting, good to see we've come full circle!

you’re telling me THIS guy’s voicing Mario?

chris mclean could do saw but jigsaw could never do total drama

ra ra rasputin is objectively the funniest song ever written it's like "rasputin was an advisor to the romanovs and honestly he was a bit of a power-hungry conman (oof)... but you're not here for a history lesson! you want to know how much he fucked, don't you? well i'll tell you: he fucked. he fucked often and severely."

and it's a banger

Scientists uncover a stone with writing on it that no one can make sense of. When you see it for the first time, you can read it perfectly.

this meme is like 2 years old please let it die

happy 13th birthday to this icon

The fact that Dante created the most popular image of the afterlife with absolutely no theological basis for it will still be the funniest thing to me