The League of Nerds

The Art Nerd takes you step-by-step through the process and scheduling of making art.

Hey Art Nerd, How long does it take to make a piece of art? *** Yeah, I bet y’all thought I was dead. Can’t exactly blame you, but no. I was busy finishing up my degree and experiencing severe existential dread and living in poverty. You know, normal artist stuff. Now I’m going to mine your questions out of my ancient inbox and find out what’s going on. It varies. That sounds like a cop-out…

The Math Nerd shows you how to divide by zero like the pros!

Question/Scream of Anguish : But I WANNA divide by zero, I WANNAAAAAAAA. Anna *** Well, all right. If we’re dealing with ordinary arithmetic (the kind 99% of the population uses) the answer would be a resounding “Good god man, are you insane?!” And before we do anything weird, we should have a look at why dividing by zero would make your high school math teacher explode (I have anecdotal evidence…

This Christmas season, the Language Nerd is celebrating the vowels of the mergin' Mary.

Why do people in the South say “merry” and “marry” and “Mary” the same? Bob *** Dear Bob, Why the South? That’s the way it’s done all across the States. Well, mostly. There are a handful of people who make three different sounds here, which I’mma go over with that International Phonetic Alphabet we learned that one time, because damned if this ain’t just what it’s for. For these folks “merry” has…

If electric signals move at the speed of light, and electric energy is carried by electrons, are the electrons zipping around at lightspeed?

I’m a bit of an old fart and not collage educated so, please be gentle. Subject of my question: speed of light & electricity. For some reason that I don’t remember I have always thought that electricity traveled at the speed of light. Today I have my doubts. My education is obviously lacking so bear with me. I remember being thought that electricity moving through a conductive element was a…

Would you like to read a post about indirect speech acts? (I'm indirectly requesting that you read it)

Dear language nerd, The other day, my cousin asked me if I had drunk the last cup of coffee, and if I had made more. Being the incredibly important and popular person I am, I replied yes to the first and no to the second. I’m way too cool for that task. She then responded by stating that she really meant “go make more coffee.” So what’s the deal? Am I missing something? Do questions not mean…

Assimilation and elision. Smoothing out pronunciation since... pretty much always.

Why is it that when people say “have to” as two words it’s got a “v,” but when they run it together it’s an “f,” “hafta”? -FML *** Dear… really? FYL? Bummer. They mostly don’t say “have to” with a “v” in the first place. “I have six cows” has a “v,” or “I have a ton of work to do,” but “I have to go” is still pretty likely to have an “f” sound.*  And it’s because of that following “t.” This…

Figurative language explained via the musical that I can't get out of my head.

What is a metaphor and what are some examples of metaphors [no name given] *** Dear 7th-Grader Asking Me to Do Your Homework, Kid, I am not only down for this, I am amped about it.* This is the perfect excuse for me to dig into the only thing rattling around in my head at the mo: Hamilton. For those who don’t know – all six of you – Hamilton is the life of America’s first Secretary of the…

Ruminations on open interrogative subordinated finite content clauses.

Dear Language Nerd, As often happens, I recently preceded an observation with “I wonder what….” I often see that sort of thing with a question mark at the end, but it’s obviously not a question. Equally obviously, a question is implied. So my question to YOU is: I wonder what the term is for this kind of question/statement? -Laura *** Dear Laura, It’s an open interrogative subordinated finite…

The Special Guest Electromagnetics Nerd walks us through summoning a fork with an electromagnet -- and why it's a terrible, terrible idea.

How can I create an electromagnet strong enough to pull a small metal object (e.g.) a fork in from 25-30 feet away? Basically, I want a very strong electromagnet with a large reach. I want to know a theoretically super-powerful design, and, if possible, a method of constructing this at home. If there are any dangers to this, please make sure to mention them in your answer. However, please tell me…

The Language Nerd goes over the etymologies of types of beer.

I was astonished to learn today that “Pilsner” is not a brand of beer, but a category. First I thought, what on Earth does “Pilsner” mean? Then I thought, wait, do I really know what “ale” or “lager” means, either? Help me out, Language Nerd. Where do our beer words come from? Henry B. *** Dear Henry, I’m glad you don’t wanna know beer technicalities. Allow me to disclaim: I am in no way a Beer…

The Biology Nerd goes over some common medical poisons... er, poisonous medicines? Both.

Hey, Biology Nerd! I’ve heard that a lot of medicines that doctors give people are actually poisons. Why is my doctor trying to kill me? –Sybil C. *** I wouldn’t go so far as to say that doctors are “trying” to kill you, Sybil. Killing off clients wouldn’t be very beneficial to our business model, much less our reputation. That said, you are correct in that some common medications are indeed…

The Language Nerd plans to incentivize her impactful paradigms on a going-forward basis.

You people got a word for two-dollar words that suddenly appear everywhere, like a fad? Want to coin one? And does anybody track these things? Delphine Sultzer *** Sure. We’ve got several words, actually. But most of them have to do with how a new word is formed, rather than that sense that the word is dropping from every overpriced consultant’s mouth this week and will have vanished by the next.…

The Paramedics Nerd explains heart rate and rhythm.

How is the rhythm of heart contractions maintained? Aretha *** Aretha, such a wonderful question! The heart’s rhythm is so important to life.  The heart has four chambers which pump blood along two completely different pathways, and they need to work together.  If the different chambers pump out of unison (called dysrhythmia), then they won’t be effective and the person who owns the heart will…

As Latin As You Wanna Be

What is the plural of conundrum? Conundra or conundrums? Phil *** Dear Phil, So first we are going to talk about loanword integration. Then we’ll hit up Latin in particular. And then, then, there will be a SHOCKING TWIST ENDING. Everybody ready? Let’s roll. The English language is chock-a-block with loanwords, which might as well be called stolenwords, since we’ve clearly borrowed them with no…

Semantic narrowing, semantic broadening, and genericide

Do we use “catchy” for anything other than “tunes”? Me *** Dear You, Not often.  “Catchy” used to have a wider meaning, for anything that caught or stuck in the mind. Songs, sure, but also regular prose words, like all those clever quotes that get misattributed to Oscar Wilde. Or even tricky questions, since they caught you up mentally. But these days it’s mostly used to describe that friggin Kit…

Side effects may include nausea, internal bleeding, FDA regulations, USAN stems, and death.

Hey Language Nerd, I’ve been seeing a commercial lately for a toenail-fungus remover called, in all seriousness, “Jublia.” WTF? “Jublia”?? How do medicines get these ridiculous names? JRN *** Dear JRN, I’m guessing they went with “Jublia” in hopes that their customers would make the cognitive leap to “jubilant” and “jubilee.” Because nothing brings out the joy in me like toe fungus. Either that…

Hey hey, it's the monks!

Our son Anthony is in First grade and has spelling tests on Fridays from his weekly list. I’m mostly a musician but love to help him with his spelling by telling him the history of the letter K for example. Our question is this: Why do we not pronounce all the written syllables in the English language specifically the silent e. Please something on the subject or point us fruitfully in the right…