SCIENCE

“Sans, I know you miss him. We all do. But it’s been a long time. We really need a new Royal Scientist.” Alphys drummed her fingers on the table near her. “I just… think we need to move on, you know?”

Alphys noticed Sans tighten his grip on the counter. Obviously, this wasn’t an easy discussion for either of them. “… You’re mad at me, aren’t you?”

Sans sighed. “No, I’m not mad. Just feelin’ conflicted, is all.”

She bit her lip. “Y-yeah, I thought you would be. But I figured it was better to tell you.” The lizard monster had been considering trying to get the Royal Scientist position for a while now. She’d had a lot of her own back and forth thoughts, but she’d finally decided to go through with it. It had taken her even longer to gather up the courage to talk to Sans about it.

They both stood in silence, the only noises coming from the equipment and overhead lights of the makeshift lab. A machine covered by a heavy tarp stood in one corner – a grim reminder of why they were having this conversation in the first place.

“What if we do get him back, though? Then what happens?”

Alphys’s heart sank. She looked over at the broken machine that both of them had tried so desperately to fix for so long. “Sans,” she said as gently as possible. “I really don’t think we’re getting him back. He’s gone. They’re all gone.”

Sans looked down at the floor. He didn’t say anything for several seconds.

“Sans?”

He met her gaze once again with a pained expression. “So… you’re giving up, then?”

“I’m not-“  she began. She took a deep breath before continuing. “I’m not ‘giving up’. I’m just being… realistic.” She looked away. It had been years since the accident; she’d spent plenty of time trying to heal from the loss, and felt she’d made some good progress. She was much less sure about her friend, though. “I just want to move on. And honestly, I think you should, too, you know?”

The skeleton shook his head. “I’m not going to abandon them all. There’s gotta be some way to fix that thing. And I don’t think taking G’s position just because we haven’t figured it out would be fair.”

“I’m not ‘taking’ his position! Even if we could bring him back, it’s open now and someone should fill it. And hey, you could even be MY assistant. The pay would be better, you’d be doing science again, you could move back to New Home or even go to Hotland…”

Sans grimaced. “Thanks, but I think I’d rather just stay here in Snowdin.”

Alphys mentally kicked herself. Why did she even think it would be a good idea to suggest Sans go back into science after everything that happened?

She switched gears. “What about getting out of the Underground? The longer we don’t have anyone working on that, the longer we’re going to be stuck here. I mean, that’s the whole reason the Royal Scientist exists in the first place.”

Sans tapped on the counter with his phalanx. “I dunno. A few years of difference really doesn’t matter. I mean, we were having issues coming up with new avenues to go down even when Gaster was the Royal Scientist. You’d still need to get past that.”            “The Core was built in just a few years,” she pointed out. “A lot can change in such a short time.”

Sans didn’t respond. There was another awkward silence between the two. “Alphys…” he finally said. “Losing Gaster was like losing a brother to me. That’s not something you just ‘move on’ from. And maybe you just don’t understand that - you don’t have any siblings.”

His words stung. “I DO understand! I was close with him, too! But it’s been years and you still keep trying to fix that machine. You have to accept that we can’t get him back. I know it sucks, but at some point you just have to let go.”

Sans bristled. “Look, if there’s even a CHANCE I can bring him and everyone else back, I think I owe it to him to do everything I can to do that.”

Alphys furrowed her brow. “Sans, we’ve both tried everything, and none of it has worked! Trying to fix that thing has been driving you up the wall! I think he’d rather see us continuing on with our lives. I’m in a really good position to be the Royal Scientist. You and I both worked right under him; I can pick up right where we left off before the accident - and I’m sure he’d be FINE with that.” She crossed her arms. “Besides, it’s not like anyone else seems to be willing to step up.”

Sans narrowed his eyes. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

She huffed. “Never mind,” she muttered. “I just wish you’d stop fixating on that stupid thing. It’s not good for you.”

“Well,” he said. “You’re not exactly the picture of mental health either.”

“At least I’m TRYING to get better about it! I miss them all, too, but I’ve pretty much moved on to the ‘acceptance’ stage of grief. You’re just- you’re just stuck in denial. Gaster wouldn’t want this for you, I know that.”

“I want to keep trying. I want to get them back no matter what it takes.”

“Ughhh.” Alphys rubbed her temples. “How can you be so stubborn about this? I seriously worry about you sometimes! And you won’t let me help you.”

“If you want to help, then forget the Royal Scientist thing,” he replied. “Or maybe start giving me a hand with the machine again. That would be pretty fuckin’ nice right now.”

“That wouldn’t be helpful! Why are you being such an asshole about this??”

Sans stiffened. “Look, if you’re just gonna drag me down instead of helping, maybe you should leave.”

“Well, then maybe I will!”

“Fine.”

“Fine!” Alphys shoved past him and stormed out the door, slamming it behind her. She heard the click of the lock as she walked away.

Sans was such a stubborn ass sometimes. Why couldn’t he just move on? Why couldn’t he just support her? It’s not like she was stealing Gaster’s position or anything. He wasn’t even here anymore!

She slowed to a stop. …He’s not here anymore. For some reason that thought hit her hard. Even years after the accident, and all the steps she’d taken to overcome her grief, she’d occasionally be overcome with a sense of loss all over again. But this was different from that.

… She kind of was giving up, wasn’t she? For a long time, she and Sans had both worked tirelessly to fix the machine that had taken their friends and coworkers, believing if they could get it running again they might be able to bring them all back. She’d been losing hope over the years, but actually saying it to Sans and deciding to try becoming the next Royal Scientist was so final in a way it had never been before. Alphys realized that for the first time, she felt that Gaster was truly dead.

And there was no way to bring him back.

She tried to hold herself together, but despite her best efforts, a few tears started rolling down her face and she let out a choked sob. She walked to the nearest tree and sat down under it, doing her best to avoid the needle-covered branches. For a short while she let the tears run, sniffling and sobbing occasionally.

After a few minutes, she managed to regain her composure. Tears still stung at her eyes, but she wiped them away impatiently. Now wasn’t the time to have a total breakdown. She had work to do. She made her way across town to where the Riverperson was docked.

“Waterfall, please,” she told them. “I have a friend to visit.”

*****

Several months later…

Sans shuffled into his house, closing the door behind him. Today had been particularly long; for some reason, Papyrus had insisted the two of them go around recalibrating all their puzzles and patrolling more areas than usual for humans. Sans hadn’t objected, of course – it was something to do, and most days on the job were rather boring – but it had still been draining. Even going to Grillby’s felt like too much. He was more than ready to unwind alone.

He walked over to the fridge. After digging through the many containers of spaghetti for something actually edible, he found a lone can of soda hiding in the back. Sans knew Papyrus wouldn’t approve of something ‘so unhealthy’, but he was at Undyne’s house right now. He couldn’t give Sans any grief about his food habits.

Soda can in hand, Sans plopped down on the couch and turned on the TV, flipping through the channels. There wasn’t a whole lot of television content in the Underground, but he could usually find something at least mildly entertaining.  As he flipped through, the familiar visage of Mettaton flashed briefly on the screen. He kept searching, but found nothing particularly interesting. Something compelled him to flip back and see what the robot was up to today.

“- and once again, a special shout-out to my friend Doctor Alphys for making all of this possible! Thank you, darling!” The camera panned to the side, revealing the lizard monster waving shyly at the audience.

Sans sank into the couch a little more. He and Alphys had only talked once or twice since she’d become the Royal Scientist. How long had it even been, he wondered to himself. He mentally tallied up the months. Almost a year, at this point.

On some level he still wasn’t all too happy she’d taken over in Gaster’s place, but he did miss her. They’d been friends for so long, but in a comparatively short time the distance between them had widened to a seemingly uncrossable gap. Sometimes he thought about getting in touch with her again, but he figured she was too busy to even have time for him. From what he’d heard, she hardly even left her lab anymore.

He wondered how things were going with her research. He hadn’t heard of any new developments in a while. He wouldn’t be surprised if she’d hit a wall – how many new routes could monsterkind even take with trying to get out of this mountain without another human soul?

He turned off the TV and, sighing, flopped down onto his side, setting the soda on the floor right below him. His thoughts drifted back to the subject anyways; what would things be like if the accident had never happened? Would they all have made a breakthrough that brought them closer to getting out of the Underground? Or would they still be grappling with the same problems?

Maybe he would be happier in a world where it all worked out. Snowdin was nice, and overall Sans was content with his life, but he had to admit that at times it felt… lacking. He wasn’t really using any of the knowledge he’d spent years studying, and he didn’t have any close friendships like he’d had back when he was doing science. His job was also pretty dull most days.

He wondered if Alphys was still mad at him for not helping her become the Royal Scientist. If she was, he couldn’t really blame her. Their last real conversation had ended on a rather sour note. Maybe she didn’t even think about him anymore.

And how would Gaster feel about all this? Would he have wanted her to take his place? Would he think lowly of Sans for being a mere sentry, instead of still working in science? What would he have said during that last fight they’d had?

Sans knew that at the very least, he wouldn’t have wanted this situation to divide Sans and Alphys like it had. But perhaps it didn’t matter what Gaster would think. Alphys was right – he was gone and there was no way to bring him or the other assistants back. Sans had finally admitted that to himself a few months after his argument with her. He’d exhausted all his ideas of how to fix the machine, and it had been the only way to move forward with his life.

He shut his eyes. If he took a nap, maybe he’d feel a little better afterwards. It had been a long day, after all. His mind still meandered between all the ‘what ifs’, but eventually, he was able to succumb to his exhaustion.

 Sans was woken up to the sound of someone knocking on the front door. With a grunt, he sat up. Papyrus must have forgotten his keys, he figured.

… Although, that was very unlike his brother. Sans checked the time; he didn’t usually come home from Undyne’s this early, either. If it wasn’t Papyrus, there weren’t many other monsters Sans could think of that would stop by his house.

His hesitation provoked another earnest knocking. “Alright, alright, I’m comin’,” he told them loudly, finally getting up to answer the door. Once he opened it and saw who was there, he froze. It took him a good few seconds for his mind to catch up with his eyes - a very familiar yellow lizard bundled in winter clothes stood on the doorstep.

“… Alphys??” he said. “Uh, wow. I was definitely not expecting you to be here. What… what are you doing in Snowdin?”

“Uh, h-hi, Sans! Long time no see,” she stammered. “I was just, you know, in the neighborhood and thought I’d d-drop by and… and…”

Sans noticed her lip quivering. Suddenly she threw her arms around him and began sobbing.

“Oh my god, Sans! I screwed up! I screwed up so, SO bad! And it’s been eating me up inside for so long and I didn’t know where else to go and if I don’t talk about it I think I’ll explode and-“

“Woah woah, slow down!” He pulled away from her grip, putting his hands on her shoulders. “What happened?”

She attempted to explain between sobs. “Th-the experiments - on all those fallen monsters they sent to the lab – s-something went REALLY wrong, I… I…” She broke down crying again.

Sans frowned. He hadn’t seen Alphys this upset in years. Whatever was going on had to be very serious if Alphys had come here, of all places.

“Aw, man, Alphys…” He pulled her back into a hug. He wasn’t entirely sure what to do. Usually he’d try to lighten a serious situation with a joke or two, but this didn’t seem like the kind of thing a bad pun would help with.

He pulled away, keeping one arm around the lizard monster. “Uh, how ‘bout we go down to the basement and talk about it?” he suggested. “Y’know, just in case Papyrus comes home early. I, uh, get the feeling this isn’t something you’d want anyone else to overhear.”

Alphys only nodded. Sans grabbed his keys and they both headed down to his lab. The light flickered when he turned it on; he hadn’t actually been down here in quite a while. Things were strewn all over the floor and counters, covered in a fine layer of dust and with some cobwebs in the corners. He couldn’t even remember where he’d left off with his research. Perhaps would’ve been better for him to at least tidy up before abandoning everything.

Alphys, however, didn’t even bother to look anywhere but at the ground as she continued sobbing. He decided not to press her to start talking right away, offering to sit on the floor with her. For a while they both just sat, Sans hugging her as she wept into his shoulder. He wasn’t sure how long they were there, but it felt like hours. Eventually, she started to calm down and pulled away, wiping tears from her eyes.

“You ready to talk about it?” he asked.

She sniffled. “Yeah, I think so. It’s… kind of long, if I tell you everything.”

The skeleton shrugged. “If it’ll make you feel better. I don’t have anywhere to go.”

“Okay.” She took a shuddering breath. “God, where do I even start…?”

 There was even more to the situation than Sans had imagined. Flowers, the extractor, determination, countless fallen monsters… once Alphys had finished a long while later, the two of them just sat silently for a few minutes.

“Wow,” Sans said eventually. “That sure is a lot. I can see why it was eating you up.”

“Yeah,” Alphys sighed. “It’s bad.”

Another pause. Alphys hugged her legs to her chest. “… I’m a bad person,” she murmured.

“Hey, don’t say that,” Sans said. “I mean, lying about Mettaton wasn’t the most ethical thing, but the thing with those… ‘amalgamates’ wasn’t your fault. It was completely uncharted territory n’ you were trying to help those monsters.”

Alphys looked away. “Does that really matter? People do bad things with good intentions all the time. It doesn’t make the harm they caused just go away.”

“No, it doesn’t,” he admitted. “But…”

“But what?”

Sans looked up at the ceiling for a moment. “I think… a lot of people who say they didn’t mean to hurt someone kind of frame it as if the people who were hurt are reacting irrationally - because, y’know, the other person didn’t mean to hurt anybody. But I think you recognize that this isn’t something that would go away overnight if word got out. You’d find it reasonable if people didn’t just forgive you and let it go.” He shifted a bit. “…And, honestly, I don’t think they would.”

Alphys shook her head. “Me, neither.”

She looked around Sans’s small basement lab. Her eyes fell onto the tarp-covered machine. It was covered in a lot of dust. “Uhhh… how’s work going on that thing?” she asked cautiously.

He chuckled sadly. “Alph, I gave up on that thing a while ago. Not very long after you told me you wanted to be the Royal Scientist, actually.”

“… Oh.” She looked back at the skeleton. “Sorry about that whole thing. I felt like a jerk afterwards. I said some pretty harsh things.”

“Yeah. I did, too,” Sans said. “But I think I was mad partly because on some level, I knew you were right. I wasn’t moving on like I should have. And once I ran out of ideas for how to get it running again, I finally had to just admit to myself they were all dead n’ gone.” He sighed deeply. “I don’t think there was ever any fixing that thing. It was pointless from the beginning, even when both of us were workin’ on it.”

“Yeah, probably.” Alphys stared at the floor, tracing circles on the tile. “… Do you think Gaster would be mad at me?”

“Well, I’m sure he wouldn’t be too happy about the whole Mettaton thing,” Sans answered. “But the rest? I don’t think so. I mean, that could easily have been him. We were all really struggling to find other options for a while even before the accident. We could have ended up doing the exact same thing.”

Alphys didn’t look entirely convinced. Sans wasn’t actually sure, either, but he really wanted to make her feel better.

“You’re not going to tell anyone, are you?” she asked.

He shook his head. “Nah. I think it would be a lot more meaningful if you were the one to say something, anyways. But you should probably come clean sooner rather than later.” “Yeah, I know. I probably can’t do it for much longer anyways; taking care of them is a lot of work. And, well, people will start asking even more questions about it.”

Sans put his hand on her shoulder. “Maybe I can help out a little here and there. Then you can have a bit more time to think about what to do next.”

She looked at him. “Really? You’d do that?”

“Sure. I don’t think you should be handling this all on your own.”

She fidgeted with her hands. “You know that helping me means people would be mad at you, too, right? For being, like, complicit.”

He shrugged. “Eh, I care more about my friends than my reputation. Not that I even really have one.”

She sniffled a little. “Th-thanks, Sans. That would… mean a lot to me.”

There was another pause between them. Sans stood up and offered his hand. “Hey, whaddya say we go back to your place and watch some anime and get our minds off this? Your pick.”

For the first time that evening, Alphys smiled. “Y-yeah, that sounds nice.” She let him pull her up. “Does that include Mew Mew Kissy Cutie?”

“Of course. I’d watch even the crappiest anime with you.” He went over to the door of the lab and opened it.

Alphys’s eyes widened when she saw her own lab on the other side. Then she made a face. “You know, I don’t think I’ll ever get used to you doing that.”

“That’s fair,” he said, stepping out of his basement. Alphys followed, stopping after a few steps.

“Hey, Sans?”

“Yeah?” he said, turning to look at her.

“Thanks again. For… for all of this. I know I haven’t been a great friend lately, but… I’m glad I could still go to you when I needed it.”

“’Course. I wouldn’t just turn you away like that.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “I haven’t exactly been a good friend either; I could’ve tried to reach out to you and reconnect. Then you wouldn’t’ve had to go through all this alone.”

She hugged him tightly. “Shush, you’re a GREAT friend. You always have been.”