Ask Me No More

oh to be a cat and get lil kisses on my nose and being told I'm cute for falling asleep on every surface available

For all the fic writers I know, just a bit of positivity

@quixoticfairy @tweektrash

@redasuki @since-the-900s

@mylittleredgirl

apparently this morning my wife heard me make a noise in my sleep and she asked me if i was okay and i just responded with "yeah, i'm just pissed off" and promptly fell asleep again. like i was dead asleep and just fucking hating still i guess. the grind never stops

“do we think maybe a vegetable would cause less despair” still living in my head rent free

If tumblr dies we should all regroup on vivino the wine-rating app. Can follow, can like, can post pictures, can post text. Just mention a Pinot and Chianti for the first few months until we outnumber the genuine wine people

"this 2 euro wine from a cardboard box tastes like grapes and the package has a tiger on it. (Now that the wine people have blocked, I need to put blorbo in a jar and shake it violently, I need to maul her with my teeth) And a general bouqet of "forgotten in the car for several weeks in late summer" in an aroma way. I give five stars." -> my vision for the future

The really funny thing about Data playing poker with the rest of the senior staff is that, like... with the way his brain works he's constantly aware of numbers and calculating probability but he would also know that counting cards is against the rules so does he just try to ignore it. Does he pretend not to. Can he like actively choose to discard that information as it comes in so he just forgets every .005 seconds

Data trying his absolute hardest not to accidentally rain man his coworkers. I'm autistic I can make that joke. Data sitting there not so much "playing poker" as "playing playing poker," as in, doing his best approximation of a human playing poker. He has an algorithm figured out for it. Semi-random to appear more natural, like how his blinking is timed. He is having fun btw. Data loves playing humans

He isn't trying to win at poker he's trying to win at being in a social situation & he has found that people like it more when they win a certain percentage of the time. The game Data's playing in his head is not the same as the game everyone else is playing

if i was on the great british bake off i'd leap the picket fence and escape the tent. i'd be across the grass and in the trees by the time paul hollywood fetched his gun

Ariana Grande is so funny because she has amazing pipes and no annunciation like she'd be the best singer in the Sims universe hands down

don’t you know it’s not good for your hair to wash it every day. you have to use sulfate and paraben free shampoo. you have to wash your hair with conditioner instead. you should stop washing your hair for a month because actually your scalp has the natural ability to maintain itself. greasy hair can make your acne worse so make sure you wash it every day. you have to use this three step regiment on your face EVERY SINGLE night. buy this $70 serum and use it with the 10 other serums you have but don’t combine them. don’t use anything on your face except a gentle cleanser and moisturizer. do NOT use moisturizer on your face you are DESTROYING your skins natural moisture barrier! acne is just for teenagers you’ll grow out of it :) oh no but adult acne is sooooo common. just take birth control and your acne will go away. cut out all sugar and dairy and your acne will go away. actually those studies are fake, get light therapy treatments instead. take accutane and your acne will go away, only a couple of those kids killed themselves! shave your armpits because it looks better. if you shave your armpits you’re not a feminist. actually shaving your armpits is for HYGIENE. wax your legs. wax your bikini line. but waxing any part of your body can give you ugly ingrown hairs and permanently damage your skin and follicles and besides that’s the patriarchy. (but get laser hair removal instead.) don’t have an eating disorder because that’s too much but definitely do intermittent fasting. don’t eat carbs. don’t eat sugar. don’t eat fat. actually your brain uses carbs as its main energy source. actually fat is necessary but only good fat. you have to DRINK MORE WATER!!! drinking 8 glasses of water per day is a myth. burn fat and get toned by doing these exercises. but cellulite is natural and 99% of women have it so you HAVE to embrace it. take diet pills. ummm don’t you know those are meth?? take NATURAL diet supplements for weight loss. take THESE vitamins to cure your depression and clear your skin and make you better at sex and make your vision better and speed up your metabolism and make your digestion better and make you focus better. i know the ONLY right answer but you have to pay me for it. follow my blog! listen to my podcast! subscribe to my email newsletter! buy my snake oil!!