legally dumb!

kay: anyways! wow!! i didn’t know you had an ask blog. hello strange people on the internet! ooh, ema, can you make them ask me questions too? nothing too personal, though

klavier, mumbling: bold of you to assume anyone can control these people and their invasive questions

ema, still sort of in shock: you. ceiling- uh. um. okay. jeesuss....... are you sure you’re not hurt?

kay, huffing: i am a perfectly capable thief! not a hair on my body has been harmed!

ema: i’ve been running some… experiments, you could call them, i suppose. e all know mr justice is as dense as a rock and prosecutor gavin is a surprisingly oblivious test subject, so its going… as well as you expect, but!-

klavier, walking in: i’m a what now

ema, panicking: I SAID YOU’RE A UHHH TERRIBLE SSSSPERSOoon

klavier, obviously not buying it: uh. alright, anyways, i -

[tapping can be heard from the ceiling (this takes place in a room now ig Leave Me Alone I’m Trying)]

hey, mod here! the reason you dont know what ema is saying, in short, is:

i added on the translation stuff to the post later after i posted it but uhhhhh turns out tumblr mobile hates my guts so. here’s a picture version of what i added on. sorry guys.

ema: haha. yeah. the glimmerous fop learned that the hard way.

klavier, mournfully: i did make quite a fool out of myself, ja.

ema, snorting: you can say that again

[CUE FLASHBACK TIME]

ema: he just nodded and pretended he understood what i said, but i could see his utter confusion

klavier: i legitimately thought i was disassociating for a moment, because that did NOT sound like actual words to me

ema: but to answer your question, anon, i do know standard german as well as swiss german, so yeah, we’ll talk in german. sometimes, we just hold rapid gibberish conversations to confuse non-german speakers.

klavier, smugly: it absolutely bugs herr forehead that he doesn’t know what we’re talking about. i can see it in his eyes

ema, rolling her eyes: yeah, yeah, okay. sure

bonus! :

klavier: ach, how can i say no to you, anon? … why not? 

klavier: fräulein trucy is actually the lowest on the scale. from trucy, it’s herr sebastian, fräulein kay, the paynes, herr forehead, fräulein detective, herr cravat, frau von karma, herr wright, and ….. kristoph. this is ……… recently updated.

klavier: ….

ema: uh! so anyways! ,, why is mr. wright placed above prosecutor franziska? i know you’re afraid of her, at least

klavier: .. hm? oh, ja, it’s because i never really know what he’s thinking or planning. i’m sure he’s not a bad guy, really, if herr cravat trusts him enough to be dating him, but …

ema: i heard he’s retaking the bar exam! he’s a fantastic defense attorney, trust me! 

klavier, quietly: ach, i can imagine.

ema: …….. so mr. justice is more dangerous than the paynes?

klavier, laughing: ah, ja, ja, herr forehead is a sight to behold in court. the paynes wouldn’t even be on here if it was solely based on intimidation. they endanger my remaining brain cells and eardrums every time they open their mouths, which is why they’re on this scale

klavier: i can’t believe mothman exists and she’s throwing snackoos at me

ema: this is slander. defamation of my name. i’m suing. time to prosecute the prosecutor

klavier: more like defamation of mothman’s name, honestly. ja, mothman, if you’re reading this, i’m sorry you’re being compared to fr-

klavier: anon, i appreciate your concern, but i’m perfectly safe.  fräulein detective hasn’t killed me yet so… she is very low on the danger scale in comparison to frau von karma

ema, sarcastically: oh yeah okay i didn’t realize there was a Klavier Gavin Patented ™ Danger Scale. do you rank everyone by it or do just franziska and i exist on it

klavier: …

ema: ..

ema: oh my god you do judge everyone by it don’t you?? it’s an actual thing?? klavier what the fuck you’re just a huge nerd huh

klavier: well, fräulein detective actually mistook me for a civilian the first case we had together and kicked me out of the crime scene. i didnt feel it wise to argue with someone who was armed so -

ema: ….. i don’t remember having a gun?

klavier: the snackoos, fräulein. the snackoos. i didn’t feel like having snackoos thrown at me so i conceded defeat and had to pull a phoenix wright in court

ema: ?

klavier: it means i went in completely unprepared with no knowledge whatsoever

ema, pulling an “ugh, lawyers” face: right, should’ve guessed.

klavier, thoughtfully: fräulein skye was surprisingly more intimidating back then. all bitter and harsh and cold. ach, like a stale cup of coffee.

ema, flicking a snackoo at klavier: could’ve done without the dumb simile but okay. how bout YOU try being a disillusioned scientist with the fresh wound of failing to achieve your lifelong dream and the humiliation of being forced to settle for being an underling for the prosecution instead on top of that, and we’ll see if you’re not bitter and cold towards the occasional fop who waltzes into YOUR crime scene huh

klavier:

also! just a little notice actually;

this is not a klema blog! sorry to disappoint you if you thought it was, but these two are just holding down the fort until the others get here and also very much not in love.

klavier: i’m sure this violates some sort of office rule,,,

ema: good thing i’m not a prosecutor then! damn, gavin, didn’t take you for such a stick in the mud 

klavier, grumbling under his breath: ….. well sue me for not wanting my privacy invaded

ema: it’s not only your privacy, if that makes you feel any better!

klavier: absolutely not

klavier, slowly: ….  fräulein detective… i think you’re getting off track, ja?

ema: am i. unfortunately, anon, the fop and i are regularly assigned the same cases, so we haven’t got anything very interesting to talk about, unless im mistaken

klavier: its kinda scary how many crimes can occur on valentines day tbh

ema: so many crimes and none of them poisonings huh

ema: does klavier have a death wish. discuss

klavier: i’m still here, fräulein skye,,

ema: and?? im supposed to care??

ema: this is the beginning of the end. i’m an aspiring forensic scientist, not your damn social media manager, gavin.

klavier: well, if it’s any consolation, it isn’t just mine. this is a joint blog, after all! a bunch of other people are here too. well,, they should be?

ema: UGGHH. askbox is open, i guess.

klavier: that’s the spirit, fräulein detective!

ema: i’m going to fucking leave now