b4by!!

bc i cannot overstate the potential of the dynamic between Ryland "middle school teacher" Grace and Artemis "teenage mastermind who hates being treated like a child" Fowl and i think they would be great friends (eventually) (other random headcanons for this AU below)

Grace would default to treating Artemis like one of his students at the beginning, because why wouldn't he? Artemis looks like a teenager. but then he finds out that this random teenage boy has written multiple phd level research papers under various aliases and stops. but by habit he'll still do it from time to time, which very much annoys Artemis lol

Artemis would find Grace's paper on the Goldilocks zone interesting and wouldn't outright consider it wrong/invalid, so he won't argue/insult him about it but he will (very proudly) scientifically dissect/point the flaws out in his argument with logic, much to Grace's annoyance. but artemis is also the type who, if he met the guy who grace called a "staggering waste of carbon", would say that to his face very loudly and very clearly and with a very threatening 7 ft tall eurasian bodyguard next to him. meanwhile Grace is trying to get him to stfu bc to him its embarrassing.

Grace would crash out after regaining his memories of how he ended up on the Hail Mary and think of himself as a coward, and then there'd be Artemis being bad at emotions and also regaining his memories so he tells grace smt like "oh don't guilt trip yourself over that. trust me, that's not even that bad" ((arty it's not that bad but thats only because his worst crime was running for his life and your worst crime is kidnapping and extortion to exploit another sentient being))

holly & rocky would get along so well together (and probably bond over the fact that artemis & grace's lifespans are wayyyy shorter than both of them and they'll both die before those 2. but thats a brick i will throw another day.) i like to think the gift of tongues that the fairies' magic possesses still works for Eridian, so you'd just have holly & rocky yapping to each other in fluent eridian while grace & artemis look on in mild confusion.

this AU would take place chronologically after the Last Guardian and before The Fowl Twins in the AF timeline-

this was just some quick silly self-indulgent stuff bc this week was prolly one of the most stressful weeks in my life :,D but yes ill expand on + draw more stuff for this au (maybe write smt later on) after my exams (which are currently deep frying me) bc i dooo kinda have an idea of how the story would go.

Sanji: *reading the scribbled down recipe*

Sanji: This is just a calzone.

Zoro: Hey you can't steal my idea. It's my idea. I made it.

Sanji: No idiot, it's a calzone. They already exist.

Zoro: No, it's an inside out pizza. Can't you read??

Sanji: No, dum—

Sanji: *sighs*

Sanji: Do you want me to make your.... Inside out pizza?

"Don't put the—Sora, carrots don't go in your nose. Yes, I see you. I know the carrot fits. Please put it down—oh okay you're eating it... That had snot on it..."

"No, Sora, you can't jump off the deck. Because you can't swim yet and we're in the middle of the ocean. The ocean is deep and you are incredibly small."

"Sora, why are there chicken bones in your sock drawer!? .....because you needed a chicken bone drawer. Okay. Then explain why all your socks are behind your bed. ......because you needed a place for your socks. Well I don't think I can argue with that one very well."

".....Sanji, your daughter is using my tampons to paint the wall again."

"And you put uncle Usopp's remaining roll of duct tape in your hair because.......?"

"I am not going to ask why her face is painted purple. Today I'm color blind. It's simply not my problem."

Later that night :

Sanji- “— and the fucking mosshead had the balls to say I ‘looked good’ while staring at me like I kicked and fucking puppy. I mean seriously where does he get off giving me sarcastic compliments like that, just insult me to my fucking face!”

Kaya- “Have you maybe considered that’s just his face?”

Sanji- “… What do you mean…?”

Kaya- “Well he has a similar expression when he talks about Luffy who everyone including him adores, or when he gets drunk and starts gushing about Mihawk who he idolizes. I’m pretty sure his face is just… like that, you know?”

Sanji- “……. I-”

Kaya- “Not to mention the fact that he bushes every time you go into a split.”

Sanji- “Hold on- ”

Kaya- “Or how often he looks at your butt when he thinks no one is looking…”

Sanji- “What’s wrong with- WAIT HE LOOKS AT MY BUTT—”

Kaya- “Or how he always seems to be around and listening whenever you start talking about the All Blue. I’m pretty sure Nami called his expression a ‘Resting Bitch Face’ ”

Sanji- “….”

Sanji- “How many people— ”

Kaya- “The entire crew. Luffy asked when you two would start kissing. Robin somehow knew before she even joined the crew, Chopper has a PowerPoint presentation on practicing safe sex, and Nami and Usopp started a betting pool. Even Zeff is in on it. He’s got his money on Zoro confessing first.”

Sanji- “…..”

Kaya- “…..”

Kaya- “Do you need a minute?”

Whitley: Because you're sweet and funny