ask turnedtechGodhead

fuck yes aight check this shit out-

DAVE, I'VE BEGRUDGINGLY COME TO UNDERSTAND THAT STANDING IN A CORNER ALONE SPEWING THE TYPE OF NONSENSICAL BABBLE ONE MIGHT EXPECT FROM A WRIGGLER IS WHAT PASSES FOR ENTERTAINMENT IN YOUR EMPTY THINK PAN.

I'VE EVEN BEGUN TO APPRECIATE IT, IF ONLY BECAUSE WE NEEDED *SOMETHING* TO FILL THE AGONISINGLY LONG SWEEP WE WERE STUCK ON THAT OTHERWISE SILENT AND YET SOMEHOW JUST AS MISERABLE FUCKING ROCK HURTLING THROUGH SPACE TOWARDS CERTAIN DEATH. BUT WHAT IN THE EVER-LOVING SHIT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING WITH THAT BULBOUS FUCKING OVERGROWTH JAMMED AGAINST YOUR RIDICULOUS EYEWEAR?

damn man i thought we covered this in our human tech 101 lessons. its a camera- I KNOW ITS A CAMERA. I WAS TRYING TO LOWER MYSELF TO YOUR LEVEL SO THAT MAYBE YOU WOULD DECIDE TO GRACE ME WITH YOUR ATTENTION AND ACTUALLY LISTEN TO WHAT I HAD TO SAY. try harder SHUT UP. AND ANSWER THE QUESTION. how the hell am i supposed to answer the question if im shutting up? cant have it both ways bro. cant just have your cake and eat it too you either eat that bitch or shut your mouth forever and starve to death- HOLY SHIT WE BOTH KNOW YOU AREN'T GOING TO SHUT UP EITHER WAY. COULD YOU AT LEAST DO ME THE MERCY OF TELLING ME WHAT THE FUCK YOU'RE DOING BEFORE I DROWN IN THE PUTRID STREAM OF BULLSHIT CASCADING OUT OF YOUR MOUTH?

documentary CARE TO EXPAND UPON THAT? OR AM I NOT WORTHY ENOUGH TO GET MORE THAN ONE WORD OUT OF YOU? SHOULD I BE PROSTRATING BEFORE YOU THANKING YOU FOR DEIGNING TO GRACE ME WITH ONE WORD FROM YOUR TIGHT ASS LIPS? 'DOCUMENTARY'. TRULY A HOLY WORD. RELIGIONS WILL FORM AROUND THIS ONE WORD, DAVE. HOLY BOOKS WILL BE WRITTEN ABOUT THOSE ELEVEN LETTERS. TODAY WILL BE CELEBRATED NOT AS THE DAY WE CREATED A NEW UNIVERSE, NO- TODAY WILL BE FOREVER MARKED AS THE DAY DAVE FUCKING STRIDER SAID 'DOCUMENTARY'-

AND GET THAT FUCKING THING OUT OF MY FACE YOU NOOKWHIFFER

holy shit check it out im being censored already

karkat do you support censorship

is this what this is karkat

is this where we find out that this entire session has been your master plan to create a new world for you to go stalin on its ass

because dude im so down to create some propaganda for supreme leader vantases glorious reign

just let me finish this shit first cmon man

HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO AGREE TO THAT WHEN I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT 'THIS SHIT' IS?

i told you man

IF YOU SAY DOCUMENTARY I SWEAR-

documentary

about the creation of the new universe

no big deal or nothing just thought it could be mildly interesting to get on camera

idk ill probably tape over it later for some shitty sitcom rerun

do you think theyll have the simpsons on the new planet

god i hope they do

AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW WHAT THE FUCK THAT IS.

troll the simpsons

YOU CAN'T JUST PUT 'TROLL' IN FRONT OF SOME PANDEAD EARTH THING AND EXPECT ME TO KNOW WHAT IT IS AND HONESTLY, I'M DOWNRIGHT FUCKING INSULTED THAT YOU'D THINK THAT ALTERNIA HAD ANYTHING EVEN REMOTELY COMPARABLE TO YOUR EYEGOUGING EXCUSES FOR 'MEDIA'. MY PLANET ACTUALLY HAD STANDARDS, UNLIKE YOUR MISERABLE PILE OF DIRT.

says the guy that was responsible for that pile of dirt

and didnt even record its creation

imagine being an absent father to a whole universe karkat. what the fuck man

thank god im here to break the cycle of abuse

OH, I'M SORRY I COULDN'T RECORD YOUR WASTE OF SPACE PLANET BEING CREATED - I WAS TOO BUSY NEARLY GETTING MURDERED BY THE MURDERBEAST *YOU*-

oh shit idiot shuts up now

thats you youre the idiot

STRIDER I SWEAR TO FUCK

dude seriously shut up

hes doing it man

hes making it hapen

oh shit yeah should probably actually fill yall in if youre seeing this or fill you in on the fuck all i know right now anyway which shouldnt take long

however the fuck youre getting these anyway at this point im just assuming its time loop bullshit because lets be real its always time loop bullshit isnt it theres infinite daves out there all drowning in time loop bullshit but i guess its almost weirdly reassuring? like i dont remember doing any of this shit right this version of me hasnt ever stolen stupid ass recordings from an alternate me to give to... whoever yall are assuming youre from earth c so hey guess in a roundabout way this documentary bullshit worked and that means at some point ill have the ability to do time loop bullshit again and that shitll be the happiest day of my life fuck everything i said about never touching time shit again dropped that shit like it was hot and now im on my knees digging through the dirt like some poor sap who just rejected the love of his goddamn life just because she was a mole woman like yeah sure shes got fucked up hands and she cant see shit but fuck dude one look at how quickly she tunnels away is all it takes to realise that she could be the one for you especially if you can use those tunnels to get back to uh yeah

anyway isnt that the question of the goddamn century

far as i can tell the other three all landed here too cant get hold of egbert but im assuming hes busy creating creepy ass cake sculptures or whatever the fuck it is they do for family reunions over in the egbert household

so his dad and roses mom make five

...maybe six. havent seen bro around but itd be weird if the game didnt throw his ass back here with everyone else right so make that five and a half i guess and uh

...no one else we think anyway cant get a hold of the trolls or the other humans so far hell the trolls handles aint even showing up on pesterchum and i know for a goddamn fact they were harassing us around now so thats...

...

holy shit wait are people actually getting this? goddamn you lucky bastards i was gonna wait to release this shit all at once after i had a chance to edit shit down and actually make it vaguely presentable but fuck man guess yall are just getting pure unfiltered strider somehow id ask how the fuck that happened but since not knowing jack about shit seems to be a running theme in my life right about now i shouldnt be too surprised really anyway

so yeah about that whole uh 'new universe' thing

might have been a slight change in plans there conductors gone fuckin rogue man shit we were supposed to be heading for new york and instead weve completely derailed and crashed and burned in the middle of bumfuck nowhere europe seriously how the fuck do you even do that theres a whole ass ocean in the way

hell its worse than that actually fuck at least bumfuck nowhere europe is somewhere new we still got somewhere when we hopped our little preteen asses on that train instead of driving in a giant goddamn loop for three years and ending up right back where we started like shit whats that snake asshole rose wont shut up about the one that eats itself or some shit

you finally make it to the ass end of the snake and you naively think that youre done with that goddamn snake and all its slithery bullshit and then you come face to face with it all over again

so uh status update: shits fucked