ask kurt e. hummel

Moniker? What do lizards have to do with my shoe?

No...Moniker like a nickname.

Hey, you’re the kid who gets thrown in the dumpster, right? I bet it would be in there. If you find it, I’ll totally give you a reward, but not sexy stuff because I’m pretty sure you’re gay and don’t like lady parts…but I’ll think of something!

I don’t know if that’s my favorite possible moniker, but yes, that’s me... I’ll, uh, keep my eye out...

..Uhh, stuff in it? No, I said fluff..?

Anyway, forget what I said, you’ve never spoken or seen me before, random human.

Fluff really doesn’t clarify anything? Um, okay.... Well I hope you find your shoe, then?

Good idea! Well, its not really the shoe I need, it’s the stuff in it. Santana’s giving me an extra pair of hers till I can get new ones.

The stuff in it?

I just finished watching The Princess Diaries for the 5,000th time and it never fails to make me wish that my life would turn out like Mia’s. Having Julie Andrews as my grandmother and finding out that I’m a princess would be awesome.

Oh, god, I know. That movie is absolutely iconic.

Wonderful! I look forward to performing with you!

Good point. Bye Twink, I’ll keep my advice to myself.

Thank you.

I get it– you want to feel appreciated for all of the talent you have to give. I understand that feeling very well. I’m sure whatever you decide, the teacher will be thrilled to have you. Like I said, we’ll need boys. It’s harder to get boys to join glee club than girls. I’m sure you’ll do great.

Exactly. Well, I think you have me pretty convinced. Thank you. 

I…I don’t remember. I think it was a lady teacher, maybe?

That... doesn’t really narrow it down much. Maybe you’ll find it next time you’re in that class.

surely there’s got to be some disgusting corner of the town where the gays hang out, and the straight people go in secret. i’m sure you’d be welcome there, twinkletoes

If there was, I wouldn’t know about it. Plus, I don’t think Lima exactly has a thriving LGBT community. The only gay people I know of are Rachel Berry’s dads and that woman who owns the hardware store downtown. 

You’re depressing me.

You’re welcome! Understandable. But I think that showing your strengths and blowing everyone away by giving it your all. You should do what you are most comfortable with! Go big or go home, I always say.

Hmm... I guess I’ll consider that option as well. I don’t just want to get in, you know? I want to actually be recognized as talented.

I didn’t, one minute I was in class, then when I went to my locker foot was cold. That’s when I realised I only had one shoe…maybe while I was coloring, a mouse stole it.

Did you check the classroom you’d been in?

Well, it takes that confidence to get what you want out of life.

I’m looking forward to hearing you sing and seeing how your talent meshes with my own. He does, and I have a good feeling about it. I could help! Have you considered Being Alive? You could cut it down to a few bars to eliminate some of the pausing. What are your go-to songs?

I suppose that’s true.