the sun will set for you

fourteen year olds found this post and there is a physical weight bound to the knowledge that ive been on tumblr longer than theyve been on the planet earth

can you put that thing on a leash?

ragebaiting lemonade stand owner with one simple order

It deeply saddens me that "pdf file" has become slang for pedo. Don't you dare disrespect my wife the beautiful portable document format ever again

and to the children in the notes saying we need this fucking baby talk to get around censorship online; there's been no credible evidence that any site other that YouTube (which will only demonetize your video, ftr) will actually censor or hide content that include words like rape, pedophile, gun, terrorist, etc. etc. and even if we take as a given they were (which, again, they are not), do not fucking comply in advance, you absolute fucking coward. and ESPECIALLY do not comply by altering your real life fucking vocabulary. don't let the technocrats dictate what words you say holy fucking shit dude!!!!!!!!!!!!

So I did this today. I can officially accurately describe myself as a "horse birthday party photographer", which is 100% a job Tina would give someone in one of her stories.

realistic coworker conversation

The best part of this is that "virgin Molotov Cocktail" would itself be a great nickname for a jar of piss