Quintessence of Love
“If protecting you means to stain my hands with blood, i’ll wash my hands with it as if it’s water, and use their dignity as my soap.” — Eren Jaeger, Quintessence of Love, chapter I.
Introduction
Mikasa lived most of her life with her only family relative, Kuchel Ackermann, who she was somehow raised by, more like, taken care of by. It wasn’t like Kuchel had much choice when Mikasa came to her.
Mikasa’s biological parents weren’t around, as they’ve disowned her from a young age. She was only five years old when Kuchel found her on her doorstep, in her red coat and children's book in hand, with a note pinned to her red coat, like a price on the market.
Mikasa had waited for Kuchel for hours in the cold rain, without making a single noise.
Kuchel was angry at first, but eventually came around. The more she took care of Mikasa, the more she got used to her presence. Her job made it hard for her in the beginning. Leaving a kid at home unattended during the night was dangerous, so she hooked up with lots of men, selling herself to make a living, which led to becoming her main job, prostitution.
It was annoying for Kuchel to have a kid constantly ask for necessities like toilet visits, food and quality time whenever men came over, so she made it a rule that Mikasa would be as quiet as possible, no matter what happened to her while Kuchel was gone for a bit, even if it meant that she’d get hurt and cry because of it.
Mikasa had to be silent at all times, swallow her voice and never make herself known to anyone ever.
From childhood, into her teenage years and further on, Kuchel was the only person Mikasa ever knew in her life, the only one she had a relation to. It was just the two of them in that small house of greedy lustful men.
There hadn’t been a single time Mikasa had attended school, as Kuchel stated that it wasn’t her responsibility, explaining that Mikasa didn’t need school anyway, since she was doomed from the beginning, though Mikasa still found a way to learn through books.
Reading many books of all types of genres was Mikasa’s way of understanding the world, which she wasn’t introduced to, bit by bit. With time, those same books helped her understand the spectrum of the human mind, thereupon also trying to understand why the system was formed the way it was.
It made her furious to realise how intentional many things were.
With the many men visiting Kuchel for pleasures unexplainable, Mikasa never met a single one of them, since Kuchel locked her in the bedroom, and never gave her the key to go out, not to eat food, not to visit the toilet, nor whatever necessity she needed from outside, not that Mikasa ever tried to.
One thing Mikasa really despised Kuchel for, was how she was forced to understand what sexual intercourse was from a young age. The disgusting noises of men that always disturbed her, ruined her innocence no matter how many children’s books she read, even the one she brought with her from the beginning. Everything was ruined, yet she couldn’t say anything about it.
Mikasa couldn’t comprehend emotions, couldn’t understand what hate was, or how it differentiated from dislike and disgust, but she hated living her life behind four walls and a locked door.
Mikasa sought for the freedom the birds had from the outside that chirped every morning on a branch. Mikasa wanted that freedom so desperately.
One day, Kuchel receives a special invitation from her previous workplace, the strip club, where someone she knows has an opportunity to save Mikasa from the life she lives.
Mikasa is forced to come with Kuchel, not knowing that they’re going for her. Staying nearby, Mikasa sits in a random office she doesn’t know, along with other strippers glancing sideways at her.
A very confident stripper tries to take her to the stage, whereas she refuses by running away, as her voice became so small over the years, it wasn’t working to use anymore. She ended up in the audience of where men and women glued on each other with their sweats, dancing the night away in lust.
The overwhelming smell made it hard to breathe, though she managed to find an exit that was halfway open, which led her to an empty valley. Three tall ugly men followed her from behind, wanting to do more than just a greeting. Their eyes filled with a lust that desired nothing, but to harm her in unimaginable ways. They became more aggressive when Mikasa rejected them.
Forcing themselves on her, Mikasa tries to scream for help, but it’s of no use since she learnt to keep quiet many years ago, until a man appears from behind, attacking them, making two of the men fall unconscious to the ground, with their heads bleeding on the concrete. The third ran for his life before he could get caught.
That man was Eren Jaeger, whom Mikasa had no idea of who he was. He appeared to the scene with who seemed like his friend, and they didn’t want anything to do with her, other than helping her inside again. The friend stayed behind, whilst Eren accompanied her.
Two days later, a group of tall men knock on the door to Kuchel and Mikasa’s home. Mikasa opens it to dark figures with monstrous intentions, like the three men at the strip club. Forcefully getting inside, they cruelly kill Kuchel, and kidnap Mikasa to somewhere unknown.
By the time they arrive, they show her to their boss, where he decides the fate of Mikasa's life.
Somehow, and somewhat, Eren saves her along with his gang. They witness a man laying on the floor, in the hostage room they placed Mikasa in; she seemed to have somehow freed herself from the ropes, and instinctively grabbed the knife the man was probably carrying on him, and stabbed him to death, each stab and cross across his body that marked her will to freedom, each stab she granted which filled her pride with satisfaction.
If she wasn’t heard through her voice, she would make them see her through her actions.
The knife still in her hand, blood dripping from the tip, and her eyes darkened with lust to kill again.
After calming her down, letting her know that it’s safe, they take her with them to their own base, introducing her to their leader, Magath, who inspects Mikasa for anything unusual, like a sneaky betrayal to take their gang down.
Hours of extra precaution, Magath appears in front of Mikasa again, explaining that she has three days to decide on what path to choose in her life.
With no other family relatives, Mikasa feels all alone, the same loneliness she felt in her bedroom, but this one was heavier. It deeply affected her, as she didn’t know where to go.
Being conflicted with deciding her own path, Mikasa spends three days with Magath’s gang. She feels with most of them, as they explain how they ended up in the gang, and even finds room for laughter with the girls.
All Eren does is watch her, observe her, making sure she’s taken care of during the three days. A slight hope inside that wishes she will stay with them.
With three days that passed by in the blink of an eye, Mikasa comes forth to Magath, with an ultimate decision that changes the course in her life.
For her whole life, Mikasa has never felt as confused and unsure of something, and the overwhelming feelings of taking responsibility was immense, but she faced it head on, promising herself to do more than rotting in a room.
Mikasa will finally walk the path she chooses to walk on for the rest of her life.
