Del🂱

I'm a beginner in terms of fics, but I write exclusively for Eremika! Otherwise, I'm just a overthinking random girl and music rocks my daily life, I can't live without it, I love to sleep and play games, I'm a sucker for atmospheric universe when I can just imagine myself living inside.

✍︎ Currently working on :

♫︎ Inner Peace aka Pianist Mikasa Au

𑁍 Flower of You-th aka Florist Mikasa and Photographer Eren Au (One-Shot)

Our Moonlit Scars aka Creature Eren and Cabin Mikasa (one shot)

This year has definitely been the worst year of my life, and it had started a little earlier, but I’d hoped it would stop, that this bad feeling was just that, just a feeling, but unfortunately every month that passed was worse. I don’t like to self-diagnose, but not really knowing my condition was even worse, and yes, for months now, I haven’t been myself. I lost a part of myself a long time ago, without really knowing when it started, and without really seeing an end or a solution. I was living without realizing I was sinking into something that left me empty. I felt everything without actually feeling anything, but it started with my hobbies, I wasn’t doing any of the things I used to love anymore, whether it was playing my games, watching media, founding gift for my family, or even, especially here, writing. I lost the joy, the desire, and I forced myself to believe it was temporary, because my mind was screaming to get better, but even when I wrote, I wasn’t proud of myself at all, and I made the mistake of comparing myself to others, but that only made things worse, and what followed was inevitable: guilt, regret, frustration, and self-loathing, and that cycle didn’t stop for a long time even now it persist like a parasite, because the worst part for me was that I didn’t have any specific reason why, so I hated myself even more for being that way.

A major reason that drown me was, first of all, my old apartment. I no longer felt comfortable there; it was cold, lacking identity, and devoid of “me,” so I no longer had that sense of security and happiness when I came home. As a result, I locked myself into a routine where I did nothing, I procrastinated, and above all, I slept a lot, it was the only time I felt good. Sleep was where my mind wasn’t noisy anymore, the only time I was happy to disconnect from myself, because my biggest problem is overthinking. I become my own worst enemy, negative thoughts that never stop, self-reproach, “why am I me” "why am I like this" or constantly questioning others’ feelings, "I’m a burden, I’m annoying," by trying to show my love and respect, I’m just showing my naivety and my fear that people will get tired of me, because why me? I’m not special, not funnier than anyone else; I’m ordinary. And when I give my love, it’s all-encompassing, and if it isn’t reciprocated, it hurts me terribly. That’s who I am. I don’t look for that kind of intensity in others, but sometimes, I’d like to be “seen,” to be understood, or just to be loved the way I love. I felt like no one understood me. I wasn’t looking for attention, or maybe I was; part of me was, but I think it was more of a cry for help against the loneliness that weighed on me, because I live alone, and finding yourself alone at home with just your thoughts, and crossing your fingers that your mood doesn’t change, that your mind stays on your side, it was sometimes unbearable. I could go out with my family and be happy, and then find myself crying when I got home without knowing why, and that’s the most heartbreaking feeling, not understanding yourself, and I felt too much about everything, overanalyzing everything, to the point where I wasn’t living at all.

Then I made the decision to move, because I knew it was a decision that, right off the bat, would do me a world of good, changing locations, finding a place where I truly felt better. It took a long time to find, but when I did, I knew it was the right place. Those were exhausting weeks, because I didn’t have the energy to even get around my own home, and I had to find the energy for the whole move, but it was for a good cause, and I wasn’t alone. Without my family, without my sister, my brother-in-law, and my aunt, I honestly don’t know if I’d still be here. Feeling like a constant burden, seeing myself change while they stayed, helping me, supporting me in my choices... I know I’m lucky to have them. The reason I smile and why my heart beats is for them. And for the past month, my home has become my little cocoon of happiness; I’m already feeling better, I have plans, I’ve decorated it to my taste, there’s a piece of “me” in this place, and I’m also close to the old town of my city, which is so, so pretty. Since the start of the year, this has been the most beautiful change in my life...

...Except that, on top of everything else, there’s my job. And that’s where the nightmare continues. Because my year followed the same pattern over and over: as soon as I felt a glimmer of hope or joy, it was snatched away in seconds, and my work was no exception. I had a wonderful year last year, but things only got worse, I lost the partner I’d been working with for years, and I quit my management role because of the pressure. I couldn’t manage a team if I couldn’t manage myself, because of my anxiety attacks and dissociation. And above all, if there’s one thing you need to know, it’s that I’m extremely, and physically phobic of conflict. As soon as someone yells at me, as soon as I’m in a conflict, I can’t handle it, it’s *physically* impossible because of my past with my mother. I prefer dialogue, communication, or just silence. My bosses, however, didn’t see it that way, and ever since I stopped being a manager, I’ve been literally targeted: constant criticism directed at me, a drastically different attitude toward me compared to my colleagues, and that only created paranoia and stress for me. I also learned that some of my colleagues, to whom I confided about how uncomfortable I felt in that situation, told my bosses about it to secure their own jobs. I was living in an environment of mistrust, a toxic atmosphere, with misogynistic and demeaning comments about my work and myself, and I wanted to focus first on my move and see later if I wanted to look for a job; I couldn’t afford to put myself in danger while I just move.

And a month ago, I received a warning about excessive phone use even though I was using it just like everyone else, so I decided to be a robot there, to say nothing, just do my job. I just wanted to be invisible and be left alone, but that’s not the kind of atmosphere I like. But for the past week, I’d felt like things were getting a little better, until last week, when I received an official letter at home summoning me for a potential termination. And that was too much for me.I had a massive panic attack, I couldn’t breathe. I was worried about the financial consequences and the fact that I’d just moved into a new apartment, and all these thoughts were weighing me down, even physically, to the point where my stomach was twisting in pain. I almost went to the hospital, until my brother-in-law came to pick me up. And for hours we talked about all the solution we can have, and after considering all the opportunities and possibilities, I realized that this was actually a chance for me to free myself from this job, because having worked for so long, I could live off my unemployment benefits for a while, use this time to get my life back on track, find a training program, maybe get my driver’s license, and above all, no longer be in this job.

And so on yesterday I had the meeting.... and I’ve been working with them for over two years, so it was time for them to tell me they no longer felt I was committed, and for me to tell them I’m no longer comfortable in their workplace, but that parting on good terms, since I’ve been loyal for years, was the best solution, without conflict, without drama.

And so. Next Monday. I’m officially leaving this job.

I’m terrified, afraid to realize that maybe I’ll really be free from all this daily stress and unhappiness. To be able to leave calmly, and that after getting my apartment, I now have the chance to just take a break. Because that’s what I’m going to do. A break. All summer long. Before I try to get anything back.

First, I’m going to focus on myself, rediscover to live, enjoy my family, spend time with them, I’m going to leave some weeks, I’m going to cook, I’m going to do nothing without feeling guilty, I’m going to slowly, little by little, try to find myself again, taking all the time I need, I want to write again, I want to rediscover my love for analyzing texts, movies, fanfics of those beautiful writers here, I want to sleep without hating myself. But I’m terrified at the thought of potentially being happy. I think I was too obsessed with the idea of wanting to be the person I used to be, but I also think it’s time for me to discover yet another new chapter, yet another new version of myself, and maybe this is an opportunity for me. On the darkest day, it might have also been a form of relief, and now I know that, I know it won’t just happen in a flash, but I want to slowly climb out of my depression, and taking this break is already the first step.So that’s where I am in my life.

I’ll be coming back here with you all little by little, because finally, I wanted to thank all of you who supported me, who wrote to me, all those beautiful, beautiful people with whom I discussed so many things, where I felt as if I belonged somewhere, as if I could finally find connections, shared passions, from casual conversations and ideas to deeper analyses, I loved every single one of these conversations, every person who took the time, you have no idea, literally no idea how much joy you’ve brought me this year, where those few moments were a bubble of sincere happiness, without fear. Thank you sincerely, from the bottom of my heart, for your support and your friendship.

To my moon, thank you for saving my life. This year gave me an angel, my hope, and a friendship that goes beyond words. You know what I think of you, I'm telling you everyday, but if one day I have the chance to hold you in my arms, I hope you’ll understand all the love and thanks I have to offer you. I love you mon amour

And finally, I hope that in the future, you’ll get to know a happier, more confident Del. I sincerely hope to get to know her too, and to introduce her to you, and I’ll do my best to live. I’ve never stopped fighting, despite the helplessness or the doubts. I’m still here <3

Thank you to those who read this and come to the end; it was very long sorryyy, but it’s also liberating to me ...<3

I love you all and see you soon.

Eremika au - Goddess Mikasa/ Dark Magic Eren

She knows she shouldn't feel this way, she knows she have to let him go, keep the precious memories of him and her in her heart, untainted. Live with the unbearable pain and crushing guilt that she couldn't save him, and die with it. Praying that her sole wish to see again his beloved smile and love-filled eyes will be fulfilled in heaven.

Because when she sees him now, in front of her, eyes darker than hell, screaming hatred and death, his face and body filled with rotten and unsightly scars, ready to destroy everything in his path, including her. The very body she'd trained to protect and keep warm lost souls. the very body that held her in his arms, whispering words of love that even now, echo every cold lonely night before she fell asleep. She knows. she knows beyond doubt that the man she immeasurably loved is no more. Gone. Dead. only the demon and chaos remain. she must use her magic, her strength to fight him, to protect her people, the innocents. She must seal her heart to protect thousand's. What she has in front of her is only the agonizing result of her failure to protect those she loves.

But, in each of her blows, each of her spells, each of her cries, only one prayer will be implored :

"Comeback, come back."

"Eren my love. Come back to me."

"Come home."

Synopsis :

Mikasa is a goddess of nature in a kingdom where she was raised and trained, and she has to become Eren's teacher as a role of guide and protector, teaching him pure magic. Eren was introductorily rebellious, fearless. desiring freedom. Despising the kingdom that rejected those who didn't have magic, or anything other than pure magic, like him who also had a powerful but uncontrolled power within him. and above all something darker within him...that no one wanted to name, just hiding it since he was a child. Their relationship was very cold at first ; Mikasa being ruthless to him, showing him no respite or mercy in her training. And Eren not taking any lessons seriously or, respecting who she was. being too proud to show weakness in front of her. wanting to challenge her immaturely, but at the end, always losing to her.

However, this attraction and unnamed desire was there. Slight but present from the beginning and only growing up, in Eren's side seeing a more human side of her, comprehending how good and honest her heart was., and of course a beauty that even the books and poems of the kingdom recount of. Mikasa, for her part, understood more his chaotic anger, realizing that it was justified, sincere, and most importantly, painful.

And so, their love blossomed over the months of their apprenticeship and travels... even though Mikasa tried desperately to remain distant because she had lost too many people she loved in the past, but Eren was determined tc break through her armor, to show her that he could protect her, be a better man and more responsible.

Then one night under the stars and beside a fire reflecting their truths, they finally gave themselves to each other. body and soul, becoming one, amid whispers of love and promises...

...Until the tragic day when Mikasa was almost killed by mercenaries with dark magic being stab in the back, and Eren, powerless and filled with such powerful and uncontrollable rage at seeing the woman he loved die before his eyes, succumbed to dark magic to save her. A forbidden magic he always had inside him since birth. The darkness taking possession of his entire being, and he completely disappeared afterwards.

After one year, he became a man who now lives only to take revenge on this world that rejects those with dark magic within them. All those hypocrites and cowards, wanting to destroy everything, creating an army of allies and people with the same thirst for rebellion and injustice...except that Mikasa will become his enemy.

But despite his unfathomable hatred and burning anger, his love for her became a unhinged obsession yet, an impossible desire. He can't forget her and thought about her constantly, even though others told him that she is now his enemy, that she must surely hate and being disgusted by him now that he had reveal his true nature.

And Mikasa, absolutely destroyed by this tragic event, thought at first that he has been dead for a year, try to live with her grief and void inside her heart, only to brutally realizing that he is alive and worst, leads this revolution that has been burning and condemning all the villages near the kingdom for months. She has her heart utterly broken, unable to realize that this man is the same person as her beloved, so gentle and who was her whole sun.

She must now face the dilemma of her duty to protect the kingdom and kill the source of this evil, or desperately try to bring him back to her, with the faint hope that the man she loved is still there.

Based on Frankenstein, aka Creature Eren and Cabin Mikasa

☾︎ The story takes place five years after humanity's victory against the Titans who were outside the walls. The Survery Corps were aided by Titan shifters, more commonly known as "Giant-Humans" from experiments conducted using cerebrospinal fluid injected into the neck. It was a groundbreaking success. Legend has it that the "Attack Titan", the strongest and most death-defying giant, was the one who killed the last titan, which earned him this reputed name, but not without sacrifice.

☾︎ As this battle disastrously resulted in hundreds of soldiers dying in combat, some were even unrecognizable or strangely disappeared on the battlefield, causing grief and anger among many families and widows. Forwhy, the first few months after the end of the war were mainly controlled by rather...confidential affair. Scientists and those in high places insisted to hide these injections and experimentation as much as possible, on grounds of, the reality is much less heroic and thought out with a moral and humanitarian conscience; many experiments failed or ended in disaster, resulting in many disappearances who supposedly "fell on the battlefield" despite being promised and secuded by the title of "hero" or "guardian" to serve their country for the rest of their lives.

☾︎ And so, during those five years, everything related to cerebrospinal fluid, operations, and tests was burned and reduced to ashes in order to tell a more "chivalrous" tale and silence those who knew too much, accusing them of madness and post-traumatic symptoms.

☾︎ But there is one exception. Eren Kruger, an extremely renowned and talented scientist during the Last War who greatly assisted in successful research and experiments, never wanted to stop his research, precisely when there were apparently testimonies from rare survivors of giant-humans recounting a vague memory of "The Path", a deserted place in the night, with in the middle of this infinity of sand, a gigantic tree of light, controlling life, but also death, being the very heart of this sign connecting the soul and the afterlife. A sempiternal memory for their owners, but also a danger from others, that are now dismissed as hallucinations, seeking to censor the survivors by threats.

☾︎ And since then, Eren Kruger has been obsessively, pathologically driven by the appetency of being the first living being able to control death. Except that no one now wants to be intrinsically linked to the morbid past of the experiments. And so rumors spread, and Kruger is lastly described as a madman. He disappears into the shadows and for interminable months and dragging years, he secretly creates his own plans and researches alone in his basement, knowing that time is running out, having been diagnosed from an incurable disease. He desperately wants to succeed at all costs before he dies, but the hourglass of time keeps running, showing him no mercy or any divinely guided-help.

☾︎ And, after years of relentless efforts in coughing up blood and sweat...He succeeded. Caused by the cerebrospinal fluid through the injection that had to be more than precise; under the neck and spinal cord, without fully affecting the cerebral cortex, infusing the exact dose so as not to turn into a giant, and it worked out. For just a second, or perhaps hundreds of years, he was so blissful to have completed and succeeded that he wasn't even affected by the repercussions of time, but rather by what he had managed to achieve: The sand from The Path, the substance that allowed him to control Death, to defy fate, holding in the palm of his debilitated hand the secrets of immortality and eternal life. He laughed hysterically in front of this gigantic tree, mocking him. He won. He's a God.

☾︎ After that, he knew what he had to do : Create the perfect vessel that would confront Death. So, in the most delirious and senseless madness, he took the bodies of some diseased soldiers, even those of a few Giant-humans that he had stored in his basement for his test at the beginning of the post-war period, and extracted each of their limbs, organs, bones, to make one body. All that remained was to inject the liquid, but this time with the sand inside, and what had to happen horrendously happened:

☾︎ There was a dazzling flash, like a tree striking the body, where each root connected the blood vessels and nerves, circulating the blood, Kruger wasn't witnessing the gift of life in its most beautiful and rare form; it was a scene of unadulterated horror, where every sound of bone was heard as it tore apart raucously, blood spurted everywhere, covering the room. This wasn't life coming into the world no, it was the manifestation of Death in its most deformed and horrific form. Then, in the most agonizing and complete silence,

The Creature awoke.

☾︎ Not as tall as a titan, but over 2 meters tall, with limbs repugnantly sewn together everywhere that began to slowly move, blood-filled eyes that opened.

Green. Such were their colors.

☾︎ Contemplating his work, in admiration and terror, Eren Kruger was so possessed in the apotheosis of his masterpiece that his body finally gave out and he fell to the ground, his heart slowing with each beat, until the last one, lying pathetically, sprawled on the cold ground in front of his creation, reaching out his hand to him, completely standing now, facing him, as he uttered his last words, barely audible:

"It's me...I created you, that demon...now free... Let the world remember that it was me, me...Eren Kruger...Eren..."

And the room fell in silence.

☾︎ For the new-born creature, after opening his eyes, contemplating this human lying on the ground reaching out to him, he hadn't heard everything that this stranger said nor understanding his language or the reason why he was there, didn't even know who he is. But, he had heard a breath, a noise, a sound, coming from the mouth of this man that he oddly want to keep it with him, as if it were addressed to him..? Being the only thing that connects him to who he is, the only thing that keeps him moving forward.

In the dead man's last breath he heard :

"Eren."

Eren : Introducing his character

☾︎ A creature born in the morbid basement from the hands of the mad scientist, Eren Kruger. A failed but miraculous experiment, created from cerebrospinal fluid and sand that comes from "The Path"; a transcendental place only giant-humans could witness during their transformation. Seeing his creator die before his eyes, he is completely terrified, distraught, alone, not knowing who he is or where he is, not even being able to "communicate" with the man who decided to create him.

☾︎ Unable to control his breathing, torturous thoughts, or his hardwired and impulsive inhumane strength, he decides to go out and desperately ask for help, even though he cannot speak, but is only tragically greeted by the screams and shouts of fear from the villagers, who shoot him multiple times with shotguns and even try to burn him in Kruger's house, calling him a monster. Utterly scared and downhearted by this anger and hatred from humans, he decides to run away and realizes in the same time that he cannot die. He will never be able to die. Curse to live forever in endless pain and torment.

☾︎ What follows is a long period outdoors, living in the forests, under waterfalls, discreetly watching humans from afar, living in agony, incomprehension, a multitude of emotions that constantly weigh him down, sadness, humiliation, anger, and rage but also rare moments of beauty when he discovers for himself the beauty of nature, distant conversations between people laughing and singing. Wishing he could live this with someone...

☾︎ ...Until one night at dusk, he arrives at this strange cabin isolated from the rest of the world...

Mikasa Ackerman : Introducing her character

☾︎ Mikasa, 22 years old, live in a cabin in the mountains far away from any big towns with her parents inside Wall Maria since she was a child. Growing up within the walls, she has never seen Titans in her life, initially believing them to be nothing more than a scary legend. After receiving letter's of humanity's victory five years ago, her parents, after a long discussion, decided to move to the central city of Mitras, wanting to live with civilization after the victory, celebrating this freedom to explore the world and discover other places and people.

☾︎ Mikasa, now eighteen, decided to stay here. Her place is with peaceful nature, animals, and mountains. She never aspire to travel, as the unknown scared her too much and the immensity of the world overwhelmed her. Even though curiosity is tempting. And since more than four years now, Mikasa has been taking care of daily tasks in her cabin. But she's not completely alone. Her parents come to visit her several times a month, worried that she is lonely and wanting her to find someone, but Mikasa is fine on her own, nothing ever happened before, so she felt safe. And she has her neighbors, close enough to where she lives ; Armin and his grandfather.

.Pianist Mikasa Au .Words-851

The conversation was taking place in a peaceful climate. Carla and Sasha were engaged in passionate discussions, varying between the latest episode of their favorite slushy romantic show or Sasha telling how she had a huge crush on her new yoga master, that she described in words she would have liked to cover her ears and forget, while Mikasa participated more in comfortable silence as usual, with little nods and quiet giggles. Looking at them, she thought how she appreciates these kinds of moments more than she realized, perhaps because she had never really had them before, enjoying the gentleness of a conversation without judgment, laughter that was not hypocritical or forced. For some people, this was normal, but for her, she knows that she cherishes these moments even more. She felt like she had finally found her place among people she could truly feel safe and loved. She hoped for that with all her heart.

Wandering between the exchange and her own thoughts, she was quietly sipping her tea when this sweet atmosphere was interrupted by loud laughs coming from the garden. She turned her head discreetly to see what was happening.

What a mistake. What a terrible, incorrigible, bad idea.

May God help her.

He was out of the pool, walking casually towards the table where few beers and cigarettes lay. But that wasn't the most important thing, oh no. Eren was shirtless. Shirtless. His khaki swimsuit shorts pulled down just far enough so you could see his V-shape body going down to- She'll never finish this line.

His hair was wet and pressed against the nape of his neck, water drops falling slowly down his upper torso, the sun's rays reflecting off his hair, projecting some lighter brown strands onto his water-darkened hair, as if the sun too were participating in giving him the most magnetic aura possible.

She was about to faint.

She knew she should look away now, right now, that she should immediately return to the conversation. But she couldn't. No, she didn't want to. She could feel her cheeks warming and her heart racing, trying with all her might to control her breathing, and, even though she don't want to admit it, she try as best she could, which meant miserably, not to think about the quivering ache and sensitive heat between her legs.

She followed him bringing his beer to his lips, his adam's apple moving with each sip. It's not fair, being so ravishing like that. Just like this, the outside world had disappeared, there was only her and her mind, starting to engage in a heated debate, agonizing over how she wanted to die of shame that she could look at him so...wrongfully and unrefined. Besides, she had already seen him shirtless, she was ridiculous!! Well, in her poor defense, she had only seen him like this on family photos at Carla's house; the reality was much more...appealing.

It's not just "Oh wow, what a handsome young man." No, if her shaking legs and her mind would let her, she'd want burningly to join him now, swimming with him, intertwine her arms behind his neck and lose herself in the infinitely green color of his eyes and the melody of his laugh, so alive and powerful that always made her miss a heartbeat...

Except that every dream comes to an end. And while she was lost in her reverie, Eren glanced quickly into the living room and was about to resume his conversation with Armin when he noticed Mikasa's eyes on him. She could have reacted calmly, could have simply waved at him, but of course. Mikasa decided his gaze and the fact he caught her staring was from now on the end of the world. And in two seconds, everything happened:

She turn around as quickly as possible to get back to the conversation, except that her knee hit the head of the wooden table, causing all the teacups and cutlery to spill onto the floor.

"Oh god!" "Shit, Mikasa-!!"

Sasha had tea all over her shirt, and Carla was already starting to pick up the bits of glass on the floor while casting worried glances at Mikasa:

"My dear are you okay? You didn't hurt yourself? What happened?" Mikasa was as red as a tomato and answered breathlessly: "I'm terribly sorry, I-I don't know what happened I'm so sorry, I'm fine, let me help you wait please-" If Mikasa could bury her head in the ground, she'd do it now. She's a mess, and for a second, she thought this was her punishment for looking at him.

Never again. She vows to herself she'd never do it again.

"Hey...Are you three okay? Do you need any help?"

She wanted to vanish. The deep voice belongs to someone she knows very well, certainly not the person who is partly responsible for her foolishness. She slowly raised her face and saw Eren not even two meters from her. Oh, her apologies, Eren and his six-pack abs, tanned and freshly brilliant from the water.

Her promise didn't even last five seconds.

Creature Eren/Cabin Mikasa Au Words:+800

He was everything and nothing at the same time. He felt everything: smells, touch, the sound of birds singing above the trees, the echo of water from the river flowing toward an unknown destination, just like him. Overwhelmed by the life around him, by the smallest things that didn't matter, like the reflection of the sky on a puddle of water, by the glint of the sunshine passing through his fingers, by the smell of the earth after the rain.

But as soon as he closed his eyes, as silence enshrouded his mind, he would fall...fall...fall. Into the void that was his own existence, sinking tearingly into the abyss, where his memory reminded him that he was nothing, that he was everything. A beating heart that wasn't his own, a mind that dreamed and desired that did not belong to him, mutilated arms to reach a destination whose purpose he did not know, tears to cry for a past he cannot remember, and for a unreality future in sheer agony. Love, beauty, joy, fear, betrayal, he understood what these unique feelings were the moment his eyes opened for the first time, just as he grasped at the same time that it was not him, that there was no him.

He was more it than him.

He wanted warmth, he longed to feel the embrace of a body against him, gently reassuring him that he was safe, wanting affection, compassion, and empathy from a human, just one person, to know what it felt like to be seen in the eyes of another, to walk side by side with goodness and find this him that he couldn't find himself. He cried every night, desperately calling for help in the silence of his wailing, since his voice only resulted in screams and shouts of terror from passersby, and blood, blood all the time, and so much pain, the doors of death always cruelly closing just before deliverance to him. But, there was a darker part of him that thirsted for destruction too, wanting to scream out his suffering so that others could understand, feel even a fraction of the perpetual torture that served as his body and soul, giving way to the beast and the monster that he is, embracing his fate, giving up the fight for a path of peace and acceptance, letting himself go for his rage and enactment of the devil on earth.

He was exhausted from breathing, an abominable reminder that he was alive, and those, for eternity. An eternity wondering why he had been created in this world if the world itself was horrified by him, what his purpose was if his hands were made for evil and slaughtering? Whereas the flowers or tiny animals he held on sweet afternoons near the fields, so delicate and weak in his hands, seemed so soft and fragile. A feeling he wanted, if he could, to call protecting.

Sleeping was nothing but a nightmare, living was nothing but torment, a perpetual cycle that would never end. So he walked. He walked and walked; he doesn't know how many days or how many nights he wandered, like a ghost, like a soulless shell, avoiding neighborhoods and big cities; he preferred forests, nature, and the company of birds...

...Until one day, at the top of a mountain, he saw in the distance an isolated cabin, which seemed at first forsaken, but laundry was hanging outside, an axe was stuck in the middle of a log, the windows were open, smoke was coming out of the roof of the cabin, and most importantly, he saw a young girl yonder. Her skirt and shirt were completely covered in dust and mud, she was holding pieces of wood in her arms as best she could, her long, dark ponytail swinging with every step she took, and the last thing he saw was the scarf around her neck, red, which seemed to dance around her face due to the strong wind coming from the hills, and she gently closed the door with her foot.

She seemed to live here alone. How was that possible? Wasn't she cold? Wasn't she afraid? Didn't she feel...lonely?

Like him.

He waited a long time at the top of the hill, dusk falling over the plain, the last red-orange rays of the sun falling ethereally on the cabin, and him, disappeared into the darkness, his long, tangled, and dirty dark-brown hair moving in the last breezes of the rising night, hiding his face until it stopped completely, highlighting his bright green eyes, filled with blood, illuminating the space.

Eren.

That was the name the creator had given him, the first thing he heard after his birth, or rebirth. A name that meant everything and nothing at the same time. A blessing and a curse. But at that moment, for just one little, inestimable second, he knew. That name was calling him to that cabin. To that girl. For the first time, it was meaningful.

So he slowly lifted his head and walked. He walked down the hill.

Towards that cabin.

Towards her.

If I want to convey a general message in my fic, it's to express, to depict a love where you won't make the person essentially "better" but to meet for the very first time "our self" thanks to the other. It's to realize that the individual that you are, when you are with the person you loves, is the most complete, intrinsic version of yourself, the most beautiful human, a you that you have never discovered before or longingly seek for, but that was there, waiting for the right person to bring it out as naturally, and as bewitchingly as possible.

It's not being better, because you will be yourself. With your ugly, sensitive, flawed parts of you, but it will be you. And you can show her this because she will too. A proof of love in unconditional confidence and spontaneity, where your conscience won't this time conform to the standards and values of others for the sake of identification, but where you will be able just to be yourself. Just being you thanks to their existence.

Where your "you" takes its most revealing and fundamental meaning by their side, because feeling like yourself, seen and found, is too meet your other half and completing each other so that you feel fully alive.