If Glass was an anomaly instead of a doctor what would his anomaly be
Item #: SCP-XXX
Object Class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures: Object is to be contained within the top shelf of the refrigerator found within the western Senior Staff Lounge at Site 19. Object may be removed for use, but should be returned to the designated location. Special care should be taken not to put the object on the fridge door shelf, due to the temperature volatility of such a location. If the object is emptied, return to refrigerator regardless. Those interacting with SCP-XXX may read and examine the object, but should avoid arguments with each other about "Simon's true appearance". Photographing the object is strictly forbidden as it could cause [REDACTED].
Description: The object is a 52 FL OZ carton of "Simon's Own!" brand unflavored oat milk, with the picture of a male figure waving at the viewer. The ingredients are always listed as "Ingredients: Water, Hydrolized Oats, Paradox Sauce (.01%)". If the carton is emptied, it seems to refill itself once it has not been looked at for 3 to 6 hours.
All superficial aspect of the carton's appearance vary wildly depending on the viewer, even during simultaneous observation.
Trivial details such as the colors of the carton, the font, text size, decorative elements, and similar seem to vary widely, as to be almost unique to each viewer. However, recurring patterns include decorative snakes (8%), beagles (11.5%), or mallard ducks (17%), but they remain minority markers.
The appearance of the human figure at the front of the carton most often seems to be a clean-faced (98%) young adult (91%) male (97%) wearing a shirt and lab coat (88%). Other common traits are blonde (77%), thick-haired (98%), blue-eyed (42.5%), pale skinned (88%), and wearing glasses (64%). All traits are all independent, but not random - for example, these majority traits correlate with each other, dark hair correlates with darker eye colors, and variations that depart strongly from the norm are more likely to depart in others (i.e. the very few bearded variations also tended to be older and balding).
Once a specific person reports seeing a specific appearance, this usually does not change, but has been known to in rare cases (12 of 1234 surveyed participants).
The back of the carton contains one to four text boxes filled with musings, advice, or puzzles that seem tailored to the reader, written as if by "Dr. Simon Glass". Sometimes the text may be simply vague but oddly relevant, while at other times deeply specific to the reader's life events. One subject once reported merely a comic of "Dr. Glass having sex with [REDACTED] in a Microwave", followed by particularly strong anomalous effects that day. See document "XXX Microwave Crisis" for further reports of this incident. The back of the carton seems to change daily per viewer.
Those that spend time reading the back of the carton may experience anomalous effects ranging from subtle to minor reality warps. The near universal effect is feeling reduced stress. Other common effects include increased mental stability, hesitance to commit violence, and feeling as though the senses are more vibrant and pleasant. More overt effects are rare but vary widely, and some curated examples include:
Many subjects report finding small desserts somewhere if they read the box on their birthday. This seems to be tailored to the taste of individuals; for example Dr. [REDACTED] instead found 68 cans of sardines, and Agent [REDACTED] instead found 22 pudding cups.
One subject new to Site 19 found a "Welcome Box" in their new office containing a tea kettle, [REDACTED]-brand chamomile tea, and several high quality office supplies.
Subject encountered a cartoon of "Simon" snuggling a beagle puppy, accompanied by the phrase "Taking care of others is sometimes the best way to take care of yourself!". Upon returning to their office, they found a cardboard box of Beagle puppies. Security footage revealed that the puppies simply appeared there at the same time the subject was reading SCP-XXX. An old receipt found in the box allowed SCP teams to track the puppies to a gas station outside [REDACTED], where it was determined the puppies had been abandoned by the roadside an hour before this event occurred.
The contained beverage within the carton has been analyzed to be normal oat milk. No trace of "Paradox Sauce" could be identified. No anomalous effects have been detected in those that drink the oat milk but not not read the carton.
WHAT
