this is not bout u

maybe happiness isn’t for me

but what should i do if i still feel so lonely? you’re not coming back. i do realize it now. i think i was so in love that i couldn’t see how dependent you made me. i thought you’d always be there and i’d never have to live without you anymore. it’s funny now that i actually believed that. you didn’t even say why you left. you just did. for almost a week i blamed me for it going wrong. but then you showed up with her and i understood everything. you found someone better. the worst part was that you definitely didn’t care. about me or anything at all. you didn’t give a shit. i wish i could do the same but i’m still here sitting in the corner of the room wondering why. it’s been 2 years and i haven’t moved on.

your voice is what still gives me sanity. the idea of you being around is what makes me less sad. your hands softly touching my skin is what makes me feel happy i’m alive. no matter when, no matter what, it’s all about you. can’t you see that, darling? you’re the one i think of when i’m lonely at night or when i’m joking around with friends at 4 pm. you’re not a way to cure my loneliness. you’re so much more than that. so please don’t ever doubt on what i feel for you. i can easily say that i never felt something so intense before. and if you look deeply into my eyes you’ll see how you make them shine. if you touch my chest for a minute you’ll feel how my heart beats faster. i can’t think of anyone else to spend my life with. it’s you now, and it’s gonna be you forever.

why did you text me again? after everything we’ve been through and after all this time, why did you come back? you knew i had moved on, so why would you make me miss you again? now all i can think about is you and how your kiss tasted. and i can’t forget about that night when we first met in november. why would you do this to me? you know that i love you and i always will, besides everything. but now i’m wondering how it’d be if i still had you. if you were still the one i make plans with. and honestly i don’t know if i want to go back or if i’m better off this way. why did you come back just to make me doubt everything in my life? why would you do this to me?

damn i wish i wasn’t so fucking sad all the time

i can’t believe i let her go

things were supposed to be different. the way we act around each other is unatural. you were cold and mean when i needed you the most. now we don’t even talk like decent people anymore. there’s no love left and this is the saddest thing that ever happened in my life. i got to a point where missing you feels better than having you around. you went from family to a complete stranger. it totally breaks my heart but i understand that there’s no way back. you made a choice. it’s all over now. i’m sorry.

i’m sorry for making you feel so bad. i guess i just didn’t want to be sad alone. and i know how sick this is but i wanted to make you feel as miserable as i felt the day you left.

i’m not sure how this happened but suddenly you’re all i think about

how am i supposed to move on? how the hell am i supposed to be fine now? are you asking me to pretend i don’t know everything about you? do you want me to forget that your smile was the only thing in the world that’d make me be in peace? god, no. it’s ok if you wanna leave right now but you cannot make me stop loving you. go ahead and break my heart in two but don’t you dear to ask me to forget everything we lived together.

i’m done. we’re done. it’s ok to feel angry, it’s ok to feel sad and it’s ok to hate me if you want to. but it’s definitely not ok to blame me for everything bad that has ever happened to us. you know it wasn’t my fault. and i know it wasn’t your fault either. we were just not right for each other anymore and that’s ok. that’s how life is. i know you’re hurt and i’m sorry but blaming someone else is not going to make the pain go away. you have to let me go.