Ducky

Pirate’s booty, Pirate’s penis, Pirate’s balls. All treasure.

What about a Pirate's soul?

Does not matter at all to me. Pirates are made to be objectified.

"Whimsy" is truly a wretched term. What maketh thee so carefree?

thy mother

Art thou for fucking real

washing dishes is evil because you go "oh fuck there's so many dishes this is gonna take foreverrr" and then you enter the dish abyss and emerge with your abdomen somehow covered in water and your hands all wrinky and then you look at the clock and what felt like half an hour was actually 10 minutes

One day that'll be me with headless von roo plushies

everyone eat more vegetables NOW!!! and mention the last vegetable you ate in the tags so we're all on the buddy system. I'll start: bok choy

Spaghetti squash

did you know that if your glasses are dirty theres no way to fix it and you are blind forever? sad!

who is your best friend if not your parents biggest hater

People are always so worried about declining birth rates like genuinely why would I give a shit

"i think therefore i am" yeah well i jerk therefore i cum #bitch

the flesh is weak and the mind? also not so strong

I know it's very common for winter to make people miserable or lethargic, but for me I find that it's honestly the opposite? winter makes me feel refreshed and alive. summer makes me feel like a slug being steamed gyozastyle. when the first autumn breeze graces my sluggy skin I will be rejuvenated and live forever

Can I be honest with yall I don't want to hear SHIT against cishets at pride this year