ArtemysChan

There's a moment in my AU where Sakura goes through a deep reflection ritual, in which she has to face Inner Sakura -who is representative of all the ugly truths her day-to-day self hasn't been able to face- and come to terms with who she is.

During that time, she's got to face the music.

The music:

Sasuke is the last prodigal son of a clan that was brutally butchered. He's a genius with one of the most powerful dojutsu out there (that he has no idea how to use) and is coming in hot with more baggage than an airport terminal.

Naruto is not normal. She doesn't know what he is (as in-canon, she finds out after the time-skip and the Sakura from above is right on the cusp of Shippuden), but there's nothing normal about a kid who can pull wild orange chakra and who can fight Gaara's tailed beast and come out on top. He's got the personal attention of the Hokage, but the entire village has banded against him for some reason. He's special.

Kakashi is a war veteran turned Jounin and an infamous ANBU captain (I headcanon that some ANBU names are leaked specifically to generate a healthy level of fear/caution among other villages- which is why we know of Itachi/Kakashi/Shisui very publically) and is ALSO the last prodigal son of an old noble clan.

(No way a bookworm like Sakura didn't consume every publically available scroll on Konoha clans).

It doesn't take the big brains to figure out that he got team 7 specifically to help deal with Sasuke's trauma/teach him about the Sharingan, and put a leash on Naruto (and in the future, when she finds out that Madara was able to control the Kyuubi with the Sharingan as well as the knowledge that Kakashi was Minato's student it becomes even clearer why he got the Sasuke/Naruto combo.)

And Sakura? Sakura is a civilian. No clan, no dojutsu, nothing to her name except great chakra control. She's the literal meat in the meat-grinder of the military machine of Konoha, the acceptable sacrifice in a group of otherwise invaluable shinobi. She's just a...girl. (And it doesn't help that she was obsessed with Sasuke instead of training, furthering the gulf between her and Kakashi.)

Kakashi was absolutely not built to handle her- in fact, Kakashi has NO idea how to relate who hasn't gone through a mountain's worth of trauma or someone who hasn't been ingrained in the shinobi-as-a-tool lifestyle, and even then, he's not fully equipped to handle people who have (lmao Sasuke). Not to mention the man is a prodigy- he has no idea how to teach people who have to work hard to get somewhere in life. How do you teach someone if you've never had to 'work hard' to get there yourself?

So, Sakura understands that Kakashi was put in one of the most ridiculous situations of his career- a situation he had NO idea how to handle. She can forgive him for that. BUT, she can't forgive him for not trying his best.

Sakura spent a lot of time coming to terms with the fact that she rushed into the Chidori/Rasengan combo without a single idea of what she would do, but...Kakashi was a big reason for that.

She was HIS responsibility, and he fumbled that bag. Whatever his reasoning, whether it was to 'protect' her, or whether he thought she was worthless, whatever: he should have TRIED.

Kakashi was an adult with resources aplenty. He recognized that she had stellar chakra control but never bothered to teach her genjutsu or direct her to teachers who could pick up the slack.

And after the accident, he abandoned her again. Being forgotten in lieu of Sasuke and Naruto hurt...but she could heal. Being abandoned as some kind of martyr to Kakashi's failures as a teacher? It's gonna take a while for Kakashi to make that up to her...if he can muster the courage to face her.

Sakura finally understands why he preferred the memorial stone to the living. He already failed the dead, and it's easier to wallow in self-flagellation than it is to try and step up for the living.

Sakura stopped being a coward some time ago, and when Kakashi finally does the same, she'll forgive him.

In my AU, Sakura was born to civilian parents who didn't really want her to become shinobi, even though that had been her dream for as long as she could remember- and it was no secret in the Haruno household that they were hoping she'd drop out, or at the very most, be career genin.

So Sakura never really had anyone to believe in her and had to go into the academy (late!) as a civilian-born, meaning she was automatically behind in development (and status) compared to the clan kids. (I headcanon that until the Academy, Sakura didn't ever spar with anyone, versus clan kids who had probably learned how to wield kunai before they knew how to walk).

So Sakura worked hard and did her absolute best to get the barest minimum that clan kids were afforded by default. Unfortunately, her best, without the resources/opportunities, just wasn't good enough. And Sakura knew it. Academically, she was brilliant, but that's not enough to be a good shinobi. And somewhere deep down, Sakura (at the very least Inner Sakura) knew it.

It's why I headcanon that she developed such a violent temper. People who are secure in themselves don't have such explosive, uncontrolled outbursts- it's why she picked on people like Naruto, who was probably the only person below her in the pecking order (maybe Tenten? But they're equals I guess). It's why she's so quick to anger and usually has those responses OUT of combat- it's because that's the only place her violence is actually effective.

It's also why she's such a teacher's pet- she needs validation from others to try and fill the gaping void.

So when Sasuke appeared on the radar, and everyone wanted him, so did Sakura. Because if she got him, she would do something that no one else- clan-privileged and better- could do. In fact, she staked most of her identity (her hair, her diet, her clothing) on it.

None of this was conscious. She really did have a crush on Sasuke, but the seed of it was born from a very misguided desire to prove herself on an even playing field.

After all, she didn't have a clan upbringing/resources to teach her how to find self-worth and actualization through her skills (she went home, and her civilian parents praised her for things that absolutely didn't matter in shinobi reality, amazement that she could throw a kunai! how good her grades were! and how cool it was that she could jump high!)

(and Kakashi absolutely didn't help, lol), so she defaulted to what she knew- which was being a regular girl with a regular crush.

Now, as an ~adult, she's come to the painful realization that her love for Sasuke was just a goalpost. Ironically, she set her sights on someone who would inadvertently feed into all of those insecurities, and because Sakura didn't love/believe in herself, she accepted Sasuke's abuse.

She also understands that she ran into the Chidori/Rasengan deathmatch of her own stupidity, but she just can't forgive Sasuke for leaving. For never owning up. 'Cause that's just coward behavior..

Basically, Sasuke's cruelty was just a reflection of her own self-loathing, and unfortunately, Sakura just wallowed in denial and ended up paying a hefty-ass price.

So if she ever sees Sasuke again? Honestly, she doesn't know whether she wants justice or revenge. It's complicated.

Whew- that was a text dump....

Sakura actually ends up escorting Kakashi back to Konoha, after a mission in the Land of Tea leaves him unable to use chakra till he heals properly. It's a long walk back to Konoha, so some laundry gets aired out. It's a strange tentative relationship they've got afterward, where Kakashi grapples with many very strange and upsetting emotions. After all, he's used to losing people...but he's never gotten them back before. He doesn't know what to do with that- and he doesn't know what to do with the strange, powerful woman who's taken the place of his once-scared student.

As for Naruto, she's forgiven him and wants his forgiveness in return. They've both done a lot of reflecting- as Naruto realized he'd been living life without realizing how his ideals/nindo could hurt people while Sakura, though her anger was justified, had been cruel and thrown some really low blows. Their relationship won't ever be the same, but that's a good thing. There's a lot of crying.

So Enji's dojutsu is part of a set, the Kikaigan, the Kokaigan, and the Madogan. They all technically fall under his Kekkei Genkai (name WIP so if you've got ideas, I'd love to hear them).

As the infographic says, the Kikaigan can see up to five seconds into the future, while the Kokaigan does the same in the past. Both eyes, like most dojutsu, continually drain chakra while they're active (and the chakra pull increases proportionally the further you try to see).

As for the Madogan, opening that third eye allows Enji to see as far into the future/past of a person/location (that he sees or is at) as his chakra stores allow. The final release of the Madogan allows him to jump to that point in time- but at the cost of his chakra reserves.

Enji is physically 46 years old, but he's from 165 years in the past- long before Konoha even existed.

His sister was suffering from an illness that no one knew how to cure, (black plague yay!) so he, against clan law and all good sense, popped his Madogan and tried to go into the future to find a way to heal her. Unfortunately, the jump obliterated 90% of his chakra reserves and damaged both his eyes in the process. Each jump costs a portion of his chakra reserves, so he will never be able to back to his original time and survive.

So TLDR Enji's on the brink of chakra exhaustion 24/7 and is functioning with only 10% of his original chakra reserves. His vision is absolutely fucked cause he can't turn off his stupid eyes, and he's got a migraine that's been living in his head rent-free for over twenty years. Oh yeah, and he faints like three times a week.

It's one of the reasons he lives in a desolate forest (fewer people) and wears shades (reduces symptoms). Once a year, he makes a trek to Chiyo's to get her help in staving off the worse parts of prolonged chakra exhaustion, but he and Sakura find out that his coils are deteriorating too fast, and he offers his Kikaigan to Sakura because in his words:

"I never want you to see what could have been, only what you can do."

Sakura is able to integrate the dojutsu into her empty eye-socket, though she can only see when its activated. In it's inactive state, it's blind.

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Thank you so much for all the interest and love! I appreciate the amazingly kind words and comments everyone's been leaving <3 <3.

@sugutoad

@evaregia