Etheral

Do you ever feel this sense of space, like emptiness inside of you that it just won't leave? Like I could be surrounded by a lot of amazing people and have such a great and fun time but somehow I still feel alone. Like I'm not even supposed to be there. Don't get me wrong I think my friends are great but, I've always knew and felt just like an temporary person in everyone's life. And I still believe that, but it's not like it hurts me, not anymore at least. The more I remember this concept the least I start to feel bad, and just accept the true as it is. But I wonder sometimes how it feels to be actually full and not empty at all, I guess we'll never know.

People don't really know me, not even my best friend. Every person I've ever met only knows the version of myself that I wanted to show. Not because there were just some parts that I wanted to show. But because I knew from the start that I wouldn't stick in their life for very long, being emotionally attached to someone is a waste of time because eventually, you'll feel nostalgic of the memories with them, and I consider them bad because you think that you can't live those anymore. So in the end, I lied about everything about myself. Starting from family stuff, academic stuff and then relationship stuff, personal taste stuff and after all these years you know what I realized? I forgot who I am. What I like, what I don't like. I'm not even sure the memories I had were ever even real to begin with. Or rather, I don't think I even knew who I was, maybe I just skipped that part in life. Anyways I'm out, by guys!

My dreams will never come true, and it's impossible to change things. Before you start with saying "you just need to try harder" or "if you think negatively you won't have the force to achieve it" you're in no position of judging whatsoever. It might not have happened to you in your life but for SOME PEOPLE even if your life has been a complete mess since birth and they still had this big dream they always followed to get it, they.just.won't.get it. I don't know if it's because of some sort of karma or God just won't put up with you, but it simply won't happen, because there will come other people who are better without even trying or having the burning desire of it. Me for example wanted so bad to study nutrition but life decided to not give me this opportunity and I was accepted only into nursing school.So now I'm studying something I don't even enjoy all because in the end I can't loose any more time of my life or else I won't be financially stable like at all.Yes, I could try to do the test again to change major but I just know it won't happen and I'll lose again. Anyway, I just wanted to rant about this fuckass major, I just hope these sacrifices will give me something good at the end, bye y'all