Nocticola graphic/aro blog

I don't know if I will ever feel comfortable coming out as aroace, despite being comfortably aroace. The other day someone asked me if I was queer and I felt so uncomfortable saying yes, because even if it is true, I knew it was still painting the wrong picture in this persons mind. And throughout the rest of the evening it was obvious they thought I was bi but I couldn't correct them because it's not an easy "oh I'm not X I'm Y", it's a whole new conversation: opening yourself up to uncomfortable and invasive questions, opening yourself up to the other persons astonishment and bafflement which just makes you feel more othered, opening yourself up to being hurt by casual assumptions and dismissive comments or just plain awkward silence. and usually it ends with the feeling that you didn't do enough to paint the right picture, to explain everything in a way that leaves no false impressions, that you didn't find the right words to make them truly understand you. despite such understanding taking years and years of work. It's so frustrating!

Thinking about the whole "there is no platonic explanation for this" thing and how it doesn't account for intense platonic situationships and anyways I think we should start saying "there is no casual explanation for this" bc really what we're talking about is the way the characters in question are Obsessed with each other

the thing about "just say you have a boyfriend to make that guy leave you alone" and "just say you are a couple so you can get that apartment" and "just marry your friend for tax benefits" is that they aren't actually solutions to any of the underlying problems, and I'm tired with the discussion always ending there. No please keep going and explain why being in a relationship would solve these issues and why you think that isn't actually a problem?