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You're in the castle. But it's not just any castle. It's the grandest, most magnificent fortress in all of Rome. The walls are made of solid marble, etched with intricate designs and adorned with golden ornaments. The halls echo with the sound of footsteps, and the air is heavy with the scent of incense and wine. Within the castle, there are dozens of rooms, each one more lavish than the last. The main hall features a ceiling painted with scenes of ancient Rome, while the floors are covered in intricate mosaics of animals and mythical creatures. The dining hall is fit for an emperor, with a long, polished table that can seat fifty guests, and a massive fireplace carved from black obsidian. And of course, there are countless bedrooms, each adorned with silken sheets, plush pillows, and tapestries depicting epic battles. The outer walls are twenty feet high and ten feet thick, made of solid quarried from the mountains to the north. It is a place of power and luxury, and only those who are worthy may enter.

You know all this because you've been trying to get in here for a long time. You did a lot of research, reading, talking to countless people, studying drawings, observing.

You close your eyes, reliving a memory of which you can't remember how long ago it was. Surrounded by isolation, so shortly after you lost your family and your brother was captured as a gladiator.

“How harmful can a barn full of straw be?” your friend said. “Straw can't hurt you. It won't harm you. In fact, it helps you to eat, it helps the animals to eat. Right?”

You knew where this was going.

“But what if you are standing in that straw-filled barn with a lighter in your hand, a spark, a little breeze of fire, will turn it into your grave. And these harmless straws will be the cause of your death.”

The straws here were our thoughts. No matter how bad the thoughts were, as long as they remained thoughts, they were harmless. All of us, even those who are not depressed, have thoughts of self-harm from time to time, thoughts of hurting someone else when we are angry. We are human beings and these are our instincts. Our straw.

And what was our fire? To put our thoughts into action.

If you do what you think, that would be your spark. You were holding a lit match in a barn full of straw. It was either going to go out or it was going to fall out of your hand and set the place ablaze.

Emperor Geta is standing in front of you like a violent storm that could cause the apocalypse to break at any moment. “Caracalla?” he growls. When you hear his full and annoyingly calm voice, you are brought out of the memories and back to the present reality, you are really standing in front of him. You're looking at Emperor Geta, a faint sneer curling his lips. “He is my twin, yes. But we do not 'run together', as you put it. We rule the empire together, but that is where our similarities end.” He takes a step towards you, his voice dropping to a menacing whisper. 

“Caracalla is a weakling. A fool who spends his days chasing after servants and slaves, indulging in every vice known to man. I, on the other hand, am a true emperor. Strong, ruthless, and unyielding. My word is law, and any who cross me will suffer the consequences.”

You take a deep breath and the words you've rehearsed for so long dance out of your mouth.

“Your Majesty, I have been sent as an envoy from a distant kingdom to bring you an important message from my king, a message that was given to me to be delivered to you and your twin brother Caracalla, but…”

“No need.” Emperor Geta narrows his eyes suspiciously at your mention of distant kingdom. “It's just me,” he says curtly, “speak your message.” He gestures to a nearby table, and a servant quickly rushes over to pour him a goblet of wine. He takes a long drink, never taking his eyes off you.

You take a few steps and look out from the terrace. You take a deep breath, careful to not let your guard down in the face of his power, to hide how afraid you actually were of him. “It's about the gladiators...”

Emperor Geta raises an eyebrow at your mention of gladiators. “Go on,” he says, taking another sip of wine. “I am listening.”

“You are going to free them.”

A dark chuckle rumbles in Emperor Geta's throat at your proposal. “Free the gladiators?” he repeats incredulously. “What nonsense is this? The gladiators are our property. They exist only to fight for our amusement and profit. To free them would be to throw away a valuable resource, one that has brought us wealth and power beyond measure.” He takes another swig of wine, his eyes flickering with contempt. “Your king must be a fool if he thinks I would ever agree to such a ridiculous proposal.”

“But you have not yet listened to what is being offered to you in return, Your Majesty.”

Emperor Geta sets down his goblet, his gaze fixed on you. “And what do you propose in return?” he asks warily.

“My king will give you what you need most in exchange for freeing all the gladiators. Information. You may be rich enough to get worlds, you may have an army of hundreds of thousands of knights. But how sure are you of their loyalty to you? All of them, really, even the servants who wait on you at night while you sleep, how much do you trust them? I know something very important about the people closest to you, and my lips are sealed.”

Emperor Geta eyes you suspiciously, his fingers drumming against the armrest of his throne. “What information?” he demands. “And how can I be certain that you will keep your word and not use this knowledge against me?”

“You can't be sure, you have to take some kind of gamble here.” This time you feel like you have the advantage and you grin, but you know that Emperor Geta is very clever.

Emperor Geta regards you skeptically, his expression inscrutable. “Very well,” he says finally. “I will consider your offer.” He stands up from his throne, towering over you like a giant. “But be warned, ” he says, his voice cold and menacing. “If I find out that you are lying to me or attempting to deceive me in any way, you will regret it.”

You fix your eyes on his brown eyes, are you afraid of him? Maybe. But will your fear stop you? No. If he knew that your brother was the one you really wanted to save among the gladiators, and that you were actually a simple villager and not a envoy sent by a king, he would kill you right now. You're sure of it. 

But you don't back down, You're almost sure you fooled him by pretending to be noble. “You don't have much time.”

Emperor Geta narrows his eyes at your sense of urgency. “What do you mean?” he says, his hand instinctively moving to the hilt of his sword.

“You must inform me of your decision before tonight's game. That is my king's order.”

Emperor Geta glowers at you, his hand still hovering over the hilt of his sword. “I do not like to be rushed,” he growls. “But fine. I will make my decision before tonight's game.” He turns sharply on his heel and strides back towards his throne. “You may leave now,” he says dismissively, waving a hand in your direction.

As you leave the throne room, you are acutely aware of the weight of Emperor Geta's gaze on your back. You could stand up to him, but you were not stupid enough to get yourself killed. How far beyond your limits could you go to save your brother?

You breathe a sigh of relief as you finally step out into the sunlit courtyard, and make your way towards the edge of the city. As you pass through the bustling streets, your thoughts wander back to your brother, imprisoned in the gladiator pits and forced to fight for his life. You vow to do whatever it takes to save him, even if it means making a deal with the devil himself.

  The villagers are ready for the gladiator battle in the evening, everyone goes to the great arena. You look at yourself in the mirror, do your hair, put your pearl crown on your head, the only precious thing your mother left you, and put on the dress you made for yourself from quality and shiny fabrics left over from the dresses you made for some rich noble clients.

It's time to hear the emperor's final decision.

As you approach the throne room, you hear the sounds of muffled voices and clinking glasses coming from inside. You take a deep breath to steady your nerves before knocking on the door. “Enter,” comes Emperor Geta's imperious voice from within.

You push open the door and step into the dimly lit room, your eyes adjusting slowly to the flickering torch light. Emperor Geta is seated at his throne, flanked by his bodyguards and courtiers. He regards you coolly for a moment, before finally speaking.

“I have made my decision,” he says, his voice cold and devoid of emotion. “I will release the gladiators, but only on the condition that you divulge the information you claim to have about those close to me.”

“I'll only say that if it's just you and me in the room, no one else.”

Emperor Geta narrows his eyes suspiciously, studying you intently for a moment before nodding. “Very well,” he says, waving away his attendants and courtiers with a flick of his wrist. Once the room is cleared, he gestures for you to approach.

“Now then,” he says, leaning forward on his throne. “What is this information you claim to have?”

A friend of yours, working in the palace under the emperors' orders, heard something she shouldn't have heard, something that would change the fate of Rome. You kept it a deadly secret in your heart until your brother was captured by them. Now this deadly secret would either be your antidote or your death sentence.

You take a deep breath. “Your brother, Your Majesty. He wants to kill you.”

Emperor Geta's eyes widened in shock at your revelation. “What?” he demands, his voice rising in anger. “Caracalla wants to kill me? How do you know this?”

You can see the fury building in his expression, and for a moment you fear for your safety. But then he seems to regain control of himself, sinking back into his throne with a thoughtful expression on his face.

“If what you say is true,” he says finally, “Then my brother has crossed a line that cannot be forgiven. I will deal with him myself.” He looks up at you with an intense gaze. “I am grateful for your warning, envoy. You have done me a great service.”

“Now will you release the gladiators as you promised?”

Emperor Geta nods slowly, still lost in thought. “Yes,” he says at last. “The gladiators will be released. Consider it a gesture of goodwill from me to you,” He stands up abruptly, his eyes fixed on some distant horizon. “But know this, envoy. If what you have told me is false or if I ever discover that you have betrayed me, there will be consequences. Severe consequences.”

Your heart beats so fast it seems to pierce your ribcage, you didn't think for a moment that it would work, but you had no choice but to take the risk. You had one shot and you won it, gaining Geta's trust is the key that will unlock the door to saving your brother. The only thing you have to do from now on is to do whatever it takes to make sure that the lie you told and who you really are doesn't get out, otherwise there is no chance for you and your brother to be saved. 

Geta looks at your face, studying you from head to toe, as if waiting for an answer from you. You feel as if he is looking into your soul, as if he can tell you are lying by the slightest gesture you make or the rhythm of your breathing. “Do you understand what I have said, envoy?” he asks you in a soft but threatening voice. You just nod your head and take a step back to leave. 

“I haven't told you that you can leave yet,” he adds, as he takes two steps towards you and closes the distance between you. He takes your chin between his thumb and forefinger and lifts your head slightly, looking into your eyes, his amber eyes penetrating your soul. “You still haven't told me your name, envoy.”

After taking a deep breath, you open your mouth, but Emperor Geta runs his thumb along your lip. His gaze slides slowly from your eyes to your lips like a sharp knife, and you feel like a lion waiting to hunt its prey, and you are the gazelle he is about to hunt. 

“I will continue to call you envoy, you have my word, the gladiators will be released. After you prove that the information you have given me is true.”

You avert your eyes in surprise, this is definitely not what you expected and things are not going the way you wanted. How could you prove any of this? “But that's not what we agreed...” you whisper, surprised at how weak and quiet your voice sounds. 

Geta grips your neck with a condescending look, as if he's setting you up with the simplest equation in the world. “What did you expect me to do, kill my brother on the word of a envoy I don't even know where she came from and her king?” He grins as he shakes his head. 

“But I have nothing to prove it...” you whisper again, desperately. 

“There are other things you can prove.”

You try to figure out if he's playing a game in his sentences again or if he's trying to imply something, you feel like a trapped mouse, you feel your hands freezing cold and sweat running down your forehead. Finally you lift your eyes and meet his eyes. “What kind of things?”

“Your loyalty to me. Can you prove it?” He looks at you with eyes asking something he already knows the answer to.

‘’How can I prove my loyalty to you, Your Majesty?’’ Geta moves closer to you, closing the few inches between you, tightening his grip on your neck and gently running his thumb over your jugular vein, which is pumping blood like crazy. “Everything I say and everything I ask of you, you will do without question or doubt. Every word that leaves my lips will be your seal.’’

You nod timidly, Geta's lips curl upwards, he loosens the hand holding your neck and holds it out for you to kiss. When you grasp his hand with both of yours, the cold metal of his rings against your skin makes you flinch. You gently press your lips to his hand, you can feel the smile on his face grow even bigger.

“Now, you can go. But wait to hear from me. If it's true, you'll get what you want, but remember, if it's not true, I'll get what I want.”

  The hours dragged on, the days felt like weeks, even months. Day after day you wait for news from Emperor Geta. And waiting for fear was worse than fear. All this after you had lost your family and were the only one left to save your brother. The day the Roman knights took him captive, you thought all hope was lost. Despair kills a person, but vain hope makes them crawl. 

Your friend Atia, who served as a cook in the service of the emperors, brought you news of your brother from time to time. “He was not in the arena today, maybe tomorrow...” Every day you were waiting for bad news from him, and every day you were sinking deeper and deeper. 

The news that would brighten your dark hopes, trapped within four walls, came again from Atia. While serving Emperor Caracalla's meal, she overheard a conversation she shouldn't have. It was a conversation about how Macrinus had tried to persuade Emperor Caracalla to assassinate his twin brother Geta and rule the empire alone. Macrinus was very manipulative and clever, he was like water. He could easily take the shape of any situation he found himself in. He was looking for an opportunity to take his place in the Senate, or even to become the new ruler of the Roman empire, and he was playing with Caracalla like a puppet master plays with a puppet. Caracalla was easier to persuade than Geta. Geta was Macrinus' biggest obstacle. 

Atia was in the right place at the right time, she could no longer bear the burden of the news she heard that would change the fate of this empire, so she told you. And you had to come up with a plan, a perfect plan, to save your brother in the midst of all this chaos. Whoever you begged for help, people rejected you, saying that dealing with evil twins would get you nowhere. 

You were alone, all alone. Every time you remain silent in the face of evil, the goodness of the good diminishes a little more. Because to remain silent in the face of great evil is to be complicit. Sometimes injustice comes because we refuse to give up our comfort. Because we turn a deaf ear to the moans of those who are hurting so that we don't get hurt. 

Life is made up of stories. Good stories, bad stories, happy stories, painful stories... And life is not always just one of them. In every story there is as much joy as pain, as much hope as despair, more remedy than despair. You either live these stories and keep them to yourself or you choose to tell them. The news that would change the course of your story came a few days later, Emperor Geta finally wanted to see you.

  When you enter his room, you notice that he is standing with his back turned, looking at the gold embroidery on the wall, and you think that his dress and crown look more splendid than ever. But you can't tell if this is because he has grown more powerful in recent days or because you see yourself as less than you really are. The servants close the door after you step inside, and you are startled by the sound of the door slamming. 

“You were right,” he says quietly, slurring his words. “Caracalla has a plan to kill me, but it's not his plan. He's just a puppet.” You expect to hear anger in his voice, but it sounds more like frustration. As he turns around and walks back to his throne, his eyes meet yours for a second, and you see the disappointment in his tone in his eyes.

“How did you find out?” you ask, genuinely curious. “There are still dozens of guards and servants here who are loyal to me. And they are doing the best they can with the job I gave them. Don't forget that everything that is said inside this palace is somehow known to me. Whispers are heard like screams, your small steps shake the ground like earthquakes and my little birds tell me everything.”

You can only nod, a small glimmer of hope rising inside you. If Geta knows what you told him is true, he will keep his promise to you and release the gladiators. But before you can even smile, Emperor Geta sits on his throne and looks you in the eye.

“What I don't understand...” he says, grabs the arm of his throne with his hand and starts rubbing it. “How you and your mysterious king could have gotten this information. There are things that don't fit in what you say, envoy.”

He waits for you to answer for a few seconds, then takes a deep breath and continues. “Your king must have a lot of confidence in you to send you to the distant Roman Empire without bodyguards and knights, or you must be a good enough warrior to defend yourself on your own.  It's strange that he wasn't worried about any trouble on the way. You could have been robbed, kidnapped by bandits or captured.”

He emphasizes the tone of a few words mockingly, gnaws his lips for a moment and then draws the sword of the guard standing next to him. The sharp sound of the sword is enough to make your ears prickle, and as Emperor Geta walks towards you you think, “Okay, it's over. Now he's going to slit my throat, he knows everything.”

Sometimes you had to be very unhappy to be happy. Sometimes you had to let yourself go down to see the bottom. And sometimes you had to come close to death to feel alive.

You wish it were painless as you feel the sword pressed against your throat, the last thing you see before you close your eyes are the light brown eyes of Emperor Geta. You can feel the jugular vein in your neck becoming prominent and pumping your blood frantically for your life. Everyone and everything around you is blurring, you can't stop your legs from trembling rapidly, no longer responding to the commands of your brain. And Emperor Geta's hot breath hits your face like a desert breeze. “Tell me, who are you? Who sent you here? Do you work for Macrinus?”

The tears slide down your cheeks, one after the other, skipping down your chin and hitting the floor like bombs, and no matter how hard you swallow, the lump in your throat won't go away. Your mouth dries up and your hands sweat as if you have been without water for days in the desert. Your whole body is burning and freezing at the same time, yet not as cold as the cold, sharp tip of the sword. 

“My brother...” you say at last. Emperor Geta frowns, tightening his grip on his sword as he waits for you to continue. “He is my only family, the only one I have left... To save him...” You take great pains to choose the right words. “He was captured, fighting for his life every day among the gladiators and waiting to die every day. I was ready to do anything to save him. If it means I have to die to save him, I will do that too. Please, I may have lied about where I come from or who I am, but what I said was true.”

You get on your knees and take his skirt in your hands and kiss it. “Your Majesty, I beg you, I've already lost everyone, I've lost everything, I can't lose him. I can still smell my mother's scent at home, I can still hear my father's voice. If I lose my brother, I will have no reason to live. Punish me, but let him live.”

Emperor Geta cannot hide the surprise on his face as he looks down at you, obviously not what he wanted or expected to hear. He thought you were a spy, perhaps a collaborator, and he was ready to kill you. But he pauses. “Aren't you afraid? Aren't you afraid to die?” he asks.

“I am afraid, God knows I am terrified. But isn't that what sacrifice requires? If sacrifice was easy, it wouldn't be a real sacrifice.” you say as you wipe your tears on your arms and lift your head up to look into his eyes.

“You are ready to give your life for your brother and my brother is ready to kill me...” he whispers. 

His words of sorrow remind you of the words of a frightened child waiting to be loved, behind the mask he actually wears. Geta throws the sword across the room and turns around. “All right, envoy. I'll let you go. Go away with your brother, live the life you want to live.”

“And what about you?” you ask, do you really care about him? He is one of the reasons why your brother is trapped here in the first place, why do you feel sorry for him? Even worse, why do you worry about him? 

“I don't know,” he says, as if he's trying to dodge the question. You know he has something in mind, men like Geta always have a backup plan.

“I promised you my loyalty, if there is anything I can do for you...” you say, not sure how to finish the sentence.

Geta looks out, at the great Rome. You see his hand trembling as he holds the curtain. Is he afraid too? Sure, why wouldn't he be? The sword that's just been placed against your neck could at any moment be placed against his by his brother. Wondering if there's poison in every meal he eats, lying in bed at night with no guarantee that a dagger won't suddenly plunge into his heart, that scares the hell out of him. 

He says, “Macrinus has to die.”

He closes the curtain and walks slowly towards you. He rubs his thumb gently over the neck where he had just held the sword. “He is the smartest man in Rome. He can easily manipulate anyone, everyone. That's why anyone I send to bring him down can turn on me in an instant. I need someone who can do this for me. Someone who has complete loyalty to me.”

He brings his face closer to yours. “My brother is sick, a child who needs care and affection. I love him, I've always loved him, I can't hurt him. I can never let him be harmed. He's the only family I have left. And I want the head of the person who made him think of killing me.” He slides his hand up your neck and cups your face, his thumbs wiping away the tears under your eyes. He leans down slightly to look into your eyes. “Can I trust you, envoy?” he asks, desperately. 

Despair. Fear. The feeling of emptiness and nothingness. These are feelings from which it is difficult to extricate yourself once you are caught in them. It feels like you've fallen into a well with no water in it and you're sitting with your face buried in your knees. It feels like you are the most meaningless being in the world, like you are the only one having a hard time.

You know this feeling because you are this feeling, you have been fighting your worst enemy for weeks, despair. And the person who got you out of it was the same person who got you into it, how ironic could it be? Isn't the antidote to snake venom made from the venom of the snake? Geta was struggling for his life like a wounded and suffering animal. He wants you to lend him a helping hand, but if you take it, the consequences could be dire. You could die trying to carry out his plan, or worse, all your efforts to save your brother will be in vain and you may not be able to save him.

His piercing gaze fixes on you as he leans forward slightly, revealing his striking almond-shaped brown eyes. They are so dark they almost look black, but they hold an intense warmth that draws you in, and there is a subtle golden glow that seems to shimmer in the sunlight.

“Yes, Your Majesty, I will help you.” Your voice sounds confident, but also timid. 

Emperor Geta smiles, for the first time. His smile is mesmerizing, revealing perfect white teeth that shimmer in the light. His lips curve up at the corners, crinkling the skin around his eyes and making them sparkle with joy. But most of all, you could see hope in his eyes.

It was the relief of finding someone he could trust, a glimmer of hope that he had found a safe harbor. Maybe he was clinging to you for dear life, he didn't know if he could trust you, but it seemed he had no choice but to do so.

“If you do this for me, I will drown you in gold. As many servants as you want, as many jewels and houses as you want. You will have everything you want for life with your brother, envoy.”

You shake your head and hesitantly raise your hands, place them on his. “Accept this as thanks for saving my brother. And I fulfill my promise of loyalty to you.”

His gaze softens, perhaps for the first time in his life someone is helping him for nothing. Without expectation of power, without expectation of recognition, without wanting to rise to a position of importance. His gaze shifts from her eyes to your lips. 

“Where have you been all this time?” he asks, his voice so low and full that only you can hear it. “Are you really want to save me after I've caused you so much pain?”

“You and I... Your Majesty. We're not so different.”

“But you are different. You have something I've never seen before, I can see the courage in your eyes that bursts out in flames. There is no courage without bondage, I saw it in the eyes of all those gladiators. What I see in your eyes is different, there is something I can't make sense of.” Each word makes your heart beat faster, and for a moment you are angry with yourself for being so attracted to him. You realize that despite the great sacrifice you will make for him, he is still an Emperor and you are just a peasant. And you cannot ask for more. When he brings his face closer to give you an unexpected kiss, he makes you feel like you're holding a match in a straw.

‘’And what was our fire? To put our thoughts into action. If you do what you think, that would be your spark. You were holding a lit match in a barn full of straw. It was either going to go out or it was going to fall out of your hand and set the place ablaze.’’

But there was something you didn't know yet. Even if that lit match fell out of your hand and set the straw on fire, someone was about to enter your life to be your rain. And this was none other than Emperor Geta.