The Little

As i’m in this transition of losing my job; i’ve been finding it a bit difficult from differentiating from God’s voice, everyone else’s and my own voice. 

I know my desires and what i think would be a good fit for me right now.... I want to pour back into my community and not just do something for the sake of income; but work in a profession that allows me to help others for the better.

Then, there’s the voice of those around me. My family and friends whom i give authority to speak into my life......people who try to coach me into the “next steps” of where i should go and how i should get there....

and unfortunately, because of who i am... I hold their word with so much authority; that it sometimes rids the desires that i thought i had in my heart.... because the “logic” of man suddenly makes more sense than what I actually wanted. 

And then, there’s God’s voice and His truth and promises. 

He is always loving; the clam in the midst of the storm. My peacemaker. My truth. All things that are good, kind and understanding. He never judges me or shames me. 

He has a place for me.... It’s just my choice if i want to take a seat at the table. 

At HIS table. 

Sometimes i forget to listen to the sweet whispers of His guidance. 

Sometimes I forget He’s so close....

I need to be better at just listening to His voice and to block out all of the noise; to hear nothing but the truth. His truth. 

It’s easy to fill time with busy activities or productive work schedules....

But why isn't it easy to fill our time and days, with intentional time with Him? 

To JUST BE. 

Not worry about tomorrow or what we have to do next? But just live, rest and remember why we are here?

To just be, who and what God has called us to. To not long for the things of God;  but to JUST long for God.

I am so guilty of not managing my time properly and spending it with Him. With the one who allows me to breathe and live. I’ve been doing what I want and have been controlling everything around me instead of simply trusting in Him and the path He has laid out for me. 

I have always had a hard time trusting people because of all of the hurt and pain I have been through. In fact we’ve all be there; not just me. Have you ever done a trust fall? Well, the times I do; I lack in trusting the person behind me. 

However, this morning, I saw myself letting go and falling back...Leaning back..... and as I am inches from hitting the ground; I envisioned God extending His arms out and catching be so I wouldn’t break. 

And the fact of the matter is; He will never let me hit the ground. He will always catch me no matter how scared I am. All I need to do is lean back and simply trust in Him..... With all of my pain and all of my desires.. To JUST BE.... 

I say God is a simple complexity; when in reality, humans make things complex when He really is JUST Simple. 

So... all of that said; don’t forget to remember who you are in Him and just be.

As days go by and time continues to move; as do we. Whether we choose to progress in our lives or to remain complacent with where we are at. 

For me; I feel as if God is accelerating my growth and development in Him. 

“We are not humans anymore... We are so much more than that” 

- Jonathan Cotton

These past few days in Redding have been really heavy on me. God has continued to bring back past circumstances so that I may truly heal and grow from them; but with a deepness that I cannot even begin to articulate.

Along with my in-depth study of my significance in Him, His responses versus mines when in conflict and understanding His Love and Light... Well, let’s just say my defaulted comments have come to: I just can’t with Him and I can’t even begin to wrap my head around it. 

All of that said... I’m obsessed and in crazy love with Him. 

Today’s theme: Awareness

- Of not growing complacent in the balance; i.e. lukewarm

- True relationships with others 

- God’s Way, Truth and Light

Whilst in Redding; a thought that continues to come to mind is: Intentionality; how far are you willing to go and to what depths? Whether that be with your passions or with people. What does that look like? Are you living in life or death?

Question for the morning; Crystal: ‘What have you experience the last two days?”

Response; Me: “A better understanding...” 

Definition: The act of resorting a friendship; bond 

Meeting people and making friendships may be easy; if we open ourselves up or take the initiative to. On the other hand; it can be difficult as well, whether we shy away from people or have no interest in it. 

However, restoring friendships is another battle we may or may never face. People come and go; but how hard will you try to restore a friendship that is valuable to you? 

Not many people enjoy confrontation, but it is necessary for growth and development. 

There is beauty in creating bonds and long-lasting, fruitful friendships and relationships with people. What does it look like to have people in your life who assist with propelling you into being the person God created you to be?

Theme of the day: In the midst of the dead, there is still life; there is life because of where it is rooted. 

For the past few days, I have missed writing... Writing may be difficult when unsure of what to write about. But as I ponder upon topics, the only thing that comes to mind is; that we will miss things; whether that be in writing, people or things and stuff in our own lives. 

it’s easy to allow life to zoom by and to forget to stop and enjoy the flowers. 

As I was doing my morning reading I came across something my Grandpa, who recently passed away; would tell me: Life is Simple.. With complexities. “Simple Complexities.”

“The law of the Lord is perfect, converting the soul; The testimony of the Lord is sure, making wise the simple.” Psalm 19:7

What does is look like to delight in life’s simple complexities? To stop and smell the flowers?

I wonder. 

I wonder what God is going to do this week. 

For the next 6 days, my best friends; Jon ,Crystal and I will be in Redding. I’m excited to be on vacation, but I continue to wonder what God is going to show each of us. Whether that be in our spiritual walks as friends or as individuals. 

I guess we’ll see :)

A prominent theme that has been a reoccurring trend in my life right now has been proof. I’m beginning to realize how often I subconsciously try to prove people wrong. Whether it be about a random topic, them or to prove someone wrong about me. 

More so recently, I’ve been finding myself in scenarios where I am trying to prove to someone that I am changing or that I will overcome whatever I am struggling with. The issue with that is, I am seeking for approval from man, instead of just knowing that I don’t need to prove myself to anyone. God doesn’t need me to prove to Him that I can succeed. He has and will continue to accept me for me; repeated mistakes or not. 

As I have been realizing my ulterior motive to “proof read” myself, God has also been showing me how easy it can be to get offended or defensive when I fall into circumstances where, my stupid human instincts, feels inclined to “prove” myself. I’ve seen how easy it can be for me to feel like my integrity is being shot down; but in knowing that it IS so easily shot down, I now see where my faith lies in those circumstances. I have always said “God I give you all of me”, yet I still hold on to a lot of parts of me. 

I’m beginning to see and understand why I am the way I am. Why I react to situations in the manner that I do. 

It’s so freaking hard for me to have patience and humility when I feel as if my character is being shot down; quite frankly, I don’t want to... Regardless, I am going to do the best I can.... Because it’s not about me. 

God brought something to surface for me that I never thought bothered me at all... little did I know I was subconsciously pushing it away to avoid it, instead of give it to Him and ask Him to heal me from it.... but it's the statement: 

"I've heard you say that before."

After each mistake I've made, I tend to say my point of action over and over and over, until I’ve learned from it. I continued to make the same mistakes be without realizing I didn't actually believe in myself; the same way that statement resonated with me. I hid that the small statement dented my belief in me. Little did I know, I was using that statement to prove, to the person saying it, that they were wrong; which ultimately resulted in me failing every single time in whatever I was struggling with. I covered myself with a false strength to keep from getting hurt from anyone. 

God has been peeling me back before my own eyes, which is SO DOPE; but SO painful. I know now, with my heart, that I don't need to prove to anyone who I am. I don't need to get it right the first time. God is showing me, after my repeated mistakes, His love never ceases. He has been cheering me on every time, knowing and believing in me. I understand that He is the only one that will truly have my heart. That I don't need to impress or prove anything to Him, because He just accepts me for me. He definitely wants the best for me and does not want me to sit in sin; but he still... just loves.

My purpose, is to live for God. To radiate His love and His light to those who don’t know Him. To still remain who He made me to be, but also to be relatable and real to a world that hides and covers themselves in the world’s makeup. It’s easier to hide than to be real, because being real can be a risk. A risk to relationships; whether that be with a family member, friend, significant other or leadership in your life.

I continue to ask myself this question on a daily basis, “What does it look like, to be real? To be honest with your thoughts and responses? And to speak it out, but with power, love and a sound-mind?”. 

Life is shitty sometimes and it gets difficult as we age, but if we have a firm foundation... Well I can’t say it gets easier; but I can say problems and circumstances become less of a “big deal”. 

As a recently unemployed 25 year old, I know my purpose in God; but I am still in the midst of what God will be doing with me on this next journey of “work life”. From going into one full time job into the next; I know now I don’t want to do just anything. I want to do what God created me to do for Him; even if that means not knowing where or what the heck I will be doing. 

Don’t get me confused for some super holy Jesus Freak who is a goodie-goodie. I curse, drink and make bad choices like everybody else on this planet. But aside from that; those things don’t hinder my love for the one who created us, just as my mistakes do not change the way He sees me or loves me.

So I continue to wonder, “What does it look like, to be real?”

It’s funny how God will bring us back to the beginning. 

Back to a problem, circumstance, dream or relationship that was broken and long forgotten. 

For me; it’s writing. Writing my thoughts, emotions and nonsense. 

Since i’ve lost my full time job, I believe God is bringing back to life the things that I have had passions for. Whether that be song writing, reading or merely writing again. 

As nervous as I am about this pivotal point of my life as a newfound 25 Year old; I am also very excited to see where God is leading me. I’ve stated over and over, “God I just want to be where you are”. Well, now I have the opportunity to walk along side Him in the plans He has in store for me. 

So, as I begin this journey through the land of the unknown; pen, paper, water and soul in hand, my eyes are on one thing and one thing alone. The light. His  Light. 

If anyone out there is reading this; feel free to join me on this wild journey i’d like to call “A-REAL LIFE”. HAH! Get it? A-REAL? My name is Ariel? CAUTION: There will be more of these stupid puns... So if you hate that kind of stuff, feel to peace out.