taylor

for @gothbusterzs 🦇

!! NONE OF THESE ARE MINE !!

Damian: you mean the one that we found in the garbage bin that had rabies, was malnourished and had to get his left hind leg amputated?

Jason: and was fucking ugly and stank

Dick: shut up jason yes! it was super cute, remember?

Damian: if you're trying to use my weakness for small abandoned ungainly animals against me—which is not a weakness—then you're wrong, for nothing about drake even remotely resembles a—

Tim: (digging through the kitchen's trash) has anyone seen my leftover muffins? they were only 2 weeks old, they were perfectly fine

Damian: stares at him in silence

Damian: starts to very subtly tear up

Izzy(talking about a stuffed animal): he’s so fucking stupid I love him

Duke: you about me

Izzy: huh

Duke: I’m fucking stupid and you love me

Izzy: I do <3

Tim/steph(hiding in the bushes in shitty disguises): awww 

_______

Tim(texting the group chat at 00:00): morning gang

Steph: morning bro

Duke: mornmin

Damian: did you try and write Mormon or morning?

Duke: mornmin

_______

Batman: Dark Patterns #11 - "The Child of Fire II" (2025)

and then his kids come along and his entire backbone just falls apart at the seams.

Tim, walking into the cave and interrupting an online JL meeting: sorry just grabbing the bleach!

Bruce, pausing: what do you need bleach for?

Tim: oh, Jason killed another guy and wants help with the cleanup.

Bruce:

The JL, who know Batman as the strict ‘no kill guy’:

Bruce:

Bruce: …but just one? he only killed one, right?

Tim: yeah.

Bruce:

Bruce: bleach is over there

JL: ?!?!?!

-

Superman, video calling Bruce: i know you don’t allow metas in Gotham, but there’s a crossover between a job i’m on in Metropalis and a deal i believe to be going down in Gotham, so i was hoping that-

Bruce: no. send me the case, i’ll sort it. stay out of my city.

Superman: Bruce-

Duke appearing in the background of the call: B! COME LOOK AT THIS SHIT, I FIGURED OUT A NEW WAY TO USE MY POWERS!

Bruce: that’s great, chum! I’ll be right there!

Superman:

-

Batman: I will not have guns in my household.

Damian: you understand that both Pennyworth and Drake have firearms in the manor, correct?

Batman:

The JLA:

Batman: when did Tim get a gun?

Damian: when Todd took him and I to a shooting range and gifted us them.

Batman:

Batman: …you have a gun too?

Damian: i do.

Batman: but not in the manor right?

Damian: of course not.

Batman: oh thank g-

Damian, pulling out a handgun: i keep mine on me

_____

Tim: I have never done anything wrong, ever, in my life.

Dick: I know this and I love you 🥰

Jason: ...Dick, are you fucking HIGH???

_____

Dick: You should consider trying to be more like Tim! He's always such a well-behaved angel ❤️

Tim: Thank you, Dick 😇

Damian:

________

Dick: Tim is very kind and always so polite! He would never be mean to someone on purpose! ❤️

Bruce, who is bullied by Tim an average of 4.5 times a day:

______

Dick: Tim is an absolute sweetheart!

Cass: ... I do not think that word means what you think it does.

_____

Duke, staring at a warehouse that he and Tim just 'accidentally' blew up: ... So how mad do you think Dick is going to be at us?

Tim: Don't worry, I got this.

Dick, landing next to them: Holy explosion, Red Robin! What happened here?!?

Tim: I don't know 😔. It was like this when we got here 🥺.

Duke, whispering: There is no way he's going to believe tha-

Dick: Oh no! Well, I'm just glad you two are safe!

Duke: ... Tim, I need you to teach me your ways.

Dick: hm? Did you say something, Duke?

________

Dick: I don't get it! Why does everyone think Tim is some kind of crazed feral gremlin?!?

Alfred: I believe that is because they have in fact met Master Tim.

Dick: What was that? 🙃

dick grayson in canon:

became robin so he wouldnt commit first degree murder

like all of his appearances young justice season 1 are about how hes a maniac and a genius

leader and strategist of the teen titans

actually Murdered the joker

considered an equal by the worlds most dangerous and deadly mercenary

was literally fired by batman and only really continued working w him because of jason and babs

managed to keep up with angsty new-to-the-job batman

has had so many arguments with bruce its a miracle he hasnt cut him off forever (hes tried though)

can take down the entire teen titans if he wanted despite being the only one of them with no superpowers/abilities

was the definition of angsty teenager

inherits his insane paranoia from bruce

a thread away from breaking the no-kill rule, give him a rest

That’s Rhys, he breaks people’s minds apart and killed 2 dozen kids one time

That’s Cassian, he’s a war lord who destroys major infrastructure

That’s Azriel, he has a torture dungeon where he tortures people with his favorite knife

That’s Feyre, she once toppled the government and economy of an entire territory because one guy was a dick to her

Oh and that’s Nesta, she’s kind of a bitch sometimes and had a hoe phase.

“Oh, those … those don’t sound like equal flaws?”

Like, it took Jason 15 years and a reasonable cause.

Dickie was ready to murder a bitch at 8.

This boy arrived at the manor with nothing but a simple suitcase, a toy elephant, sass, and 500 pounds of spiteful anger.

And the only thing that's changed now is the suitcase.

Like this kid jumped out of a cop car, off a bridge, and survived!

He joined and became one of the leaders of the We Are Robin gangs!

He kicked Hal Jordan in the face without questioning him.

~ Batman (2016)

I can't take seriously the "Nobody dies, not after Tim" after his brothers said they all died and came back. He will be back, it's the family tradition at this point, relax. Duke, you're next. See it as a vacation. Also, they joke so much about dying, having died and killing each others for people who died, you know their father is not finding it funny.

Another moment that demonstrates that the missions ISN'T more important than his family and loved ones for Bruce. It's more important to have them all alive and safe than to protect Gotham.

"Ignoring Batman's pretty much the definition of being a Robin." And you think Bruce would learn...

Bruce is in a suicidal era again (it's explicitly told to the reader in this story and the one before), so he thinks he will die against Bane (I'm surprised he survives. He should be dead. The man isn't human) His boys, however, have total faith in their abilities as a family. The contrast in this scene between the warmth playfulness of the boys vs the cold seriousness of Bruce makes him look like an asshole, but he isn't one. He's a dead man walking and he knows it, not them. (Also, he thinks that saving Gotham Girl will provide Gotham with a hero better than him, and will protect his boys from dying again)