Archangel Diaries

though your hands shake, do not let go of your sword.

idk how to flirt imma just stare at you until u marry me

story time my dad always made dinner when i was little so i spent the first ~4 years of my life eating mexican food everyday and the first time i went over to one of my white friends houses they gave us pb&j sandwiches and i was like “haha what about dinner” and the mom was like “that is dinner sweetie!” and i was like “i have to go home now”

when i got home my parents were like “i thought u were staying for dinner” and i told them what happened and my mom was shocked and was like “DELANEY that is RUDE” but my dad laughed for like half an hour

Ok I’m white too but who the fuck eats pb&j for dinner

me after five (5) minutes of work

@bearana

underappreciated form of humor: using incorrect long forms of proper names i.e. Craigory, Bobert, Barold, etc.

I think the most incandescent rage I ever sent my least favorite uncle into was calling him “Cliffany”.

For ten million dollars, I'm giving my new buddy a tiny sports car in his house. A lil couch made of velvet. A miniature working TV that plays hdot-mokoriri videos.

oh i forgot about the money!!! yes!!! he's going to live in luxury!!! maybe the jar is to take him places in when you travel the world :p

you were so caught up in the euphoria of an immortal friend that you forgot about the money I understand completely

My brother decided to teach his two and a half year old that Mommy and Daddy have names and there is nothing funnier than seeing a cranky toddler turn to his mom and say ‘leave me alone, Meredith.’