FACE YOUR FEAR

a mix of arguments, tension, manipulation, gossiping, fighting, & general emotional messiness!

you  weren't  supposed  to  hear  that.

don't  look  at  me  like  i'm  the  only  one  lying.

want  to  tell  them,  or  should  i?

you  think  i  don't  know  what  you  did?

i've  hit  people  for  less.

oh,  i  thought  you  already  knew.

that's  funny,  you  didn't  say  that  last  night.

say  that  again.  i  dare  you.

you  wanna  talk  about  loyalty?

no  offense,  but  if  you're  the  last  to  know,  that's  on  you.

go  ahead  -  pretend  like  it  wasn't  your  idea!

they  deserve  to  know  the  truth.

you  didn't  hear  this  from  me,  but  -

oh,  so  now  you  care?

don't  flatter  yourself.  you  were  just  convenient.

you  crossed  a  line.

we  had  bets  on  how  long  it  would  last.

it's  not  even  a  secret  anymore.

you  don't  get  to  cry  about  it  now.

touch  me  again  and  see  what  happens.

say  it  again.  louder  this  time.

you  really  thought  nobody  would  find  out?

don't  act  so  innocent.

okay,  but  am  i  the  villain  for  laughing?

tell  me  who  else  knows.  right  now.

this  whole  time,  and  you  didn't  say  a  word?

don't  act  brave  now.

you're  really  gonna  do  this  here?

it  wasn't  supposed  to  get  this  far!

you  can't  rewrite  history.

oh,  i'd  never  say  it  to  their  faces.

it  was  supposed  to  stay  between  us.

we're  all  thinking  it,  i  just  said  it.

you're  not  as  untouchable  as  you  act.

do  you  even  feel  guilty?

they  warned  me  about  you.

go  ahead,  make  it  worse.

if  you  repeat  this,  i'll  deny  everything.

the  next  thing  out  of  your  mouth  better  be  an  apology.

you're  about  three  seconds  away  from  regretting  this.

you  keep  pushing,  and  i'll  push  you  back.

they're  going  to  find  out.

one  more  lie,  and  i  walk.

they're  lying  to  you.

you  need  to  back  off.  now.

you're  defending  them?  after  everything?

don't  try  to  hide  it.

tell  me,  was  i  just  a  placeholder?

you  really  think  sorry  fixes  this?

there's  nothing  left  to  say.

don't  act  like  you're  the  one  hurting.

i  don't  owe  you  any  explanation.

whatever  helps  you  sleep  at  night.

you  should've  seen  this  coming.

i  hope  it  was  worth  it.

i  told  the  truth.  just  not  all  of  it.

you'll  miss  me  before  i  miss  you.

smile.  you're  ruining  the  mood.

i'd  watch  that  tone  if  i  were  you.

it's  not  my  fault  you  believed  me.

you  have  such  a  talent  for  pretending  you're  innocent.

we  both  know  this  is  over.

i  never  said  i  was  a  good  person.

isn't it strange to create something that hates you?

i'm already level with god.

i know your imperfections.

baby, i'm the only future you've got.

i'm more powerful every minute.

i am everything that you're not.

happiness is an illusion.

you are nothing more than a thought.

history already forgot.

you've been running from me

i'm here whether you like it or not.

now it's too late for you to stop.

everyone hates you.

i am not alone.

i can't get away from it.

old friends are just a memory that i didn't need.

i can't be saved.

we're bored when we're sober.

what else have we got?

baby, you drive me crazy.

can you hear me through the white noise?

you're lost without it.

i can't think straight.

play with fire and you'll get burned.

it's your turn.

all i did was pull the trigger.

don't ask for my pity when i'm not the only sinner.

i love the look on your face when i'm tempting you.

maybe i'm sick. maybe i'm already dead.

i'm not really scared of what comes next.

keep it real close to your chest.

i like to keep some real bad company.

there's no meaning.

breathe it in.

you know it'll happen again.

i thought i saw you.

follow me home or stay, i don't care either way.

what if i stop breathing?

what could it change?

i never needed you to be anything more than human.

i wanna finally sleep now.

our time was always out of reach.

despite my efforts, i'm still dreaming.

there is nothing else left inside.

you want to hurt me?

you want to take me home?

no use in trying to fight me.

you look lonely and sleazy.

you mean what you say.

turn me inside out.

i adore you.

if i wanna be great, i don't wanna be me.

can you hear me?

i gave you way too many chances.

it wasn't enough.

i still wanted more.

i'll make the same mistakes.

lying is hard, and the truth comes out anyway.

i miss the way you say my name.

will we both go home alive?

i thought i could change.

love's the death of peace of mind.

you come and go in waves.

i'm taking it slowly.

you know they're gone.

what's the difference?

all i know is bad decisions.

i'm only human.

i may never learn from all my mistakes.

everything has a price.

i can try my best to just pretend.

will you drown me out?

i know the pain.

just pretend.

i can wait for you at the bottom.

STATEMENT OF UNKNOWN BYSTANDER REGARDING AN ENCOUNTER WITH THE ARCHIVIST : H̴͝E IS̶͎̕ A̵͈̎L̶͊L E̵̮̕Y̴͖̾E̶̩͒S̸.̶

He groans, plopping down on the ground. Despite all appearances, the grass is not grass and it just feels like he's sitting on hard bricks. Whenever he moves, pixels rise up like dust and disappear with a tinkling sound. Should he be grateful? At least they're together, and there are far worse places to be than this, but it's still not practical nor ideal.

"R-r1ght, um...s0, what, we've 3nd3d up 1n a c0mput3r...1n a plac3 th4t r3ally c0uld b3 anywh3r3," he mutters, crossing his arms. He looks up at the face again, squinting, as if he could make out something from it. Behind the woman, it just seems to be a boring office, at least from what little he can make out.

So now what?

things  process  different  here.  information  arrives  in  his  head  like  a  search  engine,  one  prompt  at  a  time  and  never  all  at  once.  he  sees  folders,  graphics  cards,  personal  information  such  as  credit  card  numbers  and  addresses,  business  flyers,  government  agency  programs.  the  archivist  lifts  his  gaze  to  what  martin  sees,  the  giant  face  seemingly  staring  back  at  them,  unseeing  them  there.  she  yawns  again.  more  coffee.

"s0me  0ff1ce  0f  1ncid3nt  @ssessment  and  r3spons3  3mpl0yee.  assum1ng  th1s  1s  what  b3cam3  of  the  1nstitute.  but  h3re,  the  1nstitute  burnt  d0wn  [ . . . ]  in  1999.  in  m@nch3ster,  rath3r  th@n  l0nd0n . . . ?  th3r3 w3r3 n-n0  surviv0rs.  what?  h0w  do3s  that  3ven  mak3  s3nse?"

jon  sits  down  beside  martin,  just  as  surprised  at  how  hard  and  unyielding  the  grass  is  beneath  him.

Somewhere else was supposed to be, well, somewhere else. Not whatever this is. Everything is sterile white, bright and unrelenting. The giant yawning face that looms over him is startling. He doesn't recognize her at all! Martin groans and then blinks, finally realizing he's not alone. "Jon!" he yells in relief, hurrying towards him. Instead of a warm embrace, however, there's nothing. Just a painful glitch and a freeze as they pass through each other.

Martin winces, looking around as this cyber world forms around them. It's almost comical, isn't it, reminiscent of the old Windows 98 field background but he doesn't find the humor in it. He looks over at Jon, wants to laugh at the eyes that pop into view. If it didn't feel so dire, it'd be funny.

"1'm  afra1d  s0."  jon  nearly  forgot  how  vivid  the  WINDOWS  98  default  background  appeared,  with  its  plush  green  meadows  and  clear  blue  skies.  he'd  almost  feel  comforted  by  it  if  it  weren't  for  their more recent  circumstances.

"y-yes,  1'm  4lright.  th1s  has  s0meth1ng  t0  do  w1th  the  tap3s,  1  th1nk."  his  gaze  follows  the  cursor,  controlled  by  the  enlarged  face  overlooking  the  monitor.  "1t  s33ms  w3  were  arch1v3d  1n  a  cl0ud-bas3d  filing  syst3m  call3d  fr3-d1,  c0urt3sy  0f  [ . . . ]"  a  heavy  sigh  escapes  him,  "[ . . . ]  th3  w͇̣ͅo̯r̡͚͕̻l̟̣̖ḓ̡  w͈i̬de̩̣ͅ  ̥̠͔͟w̗̱̗e͔͉b̦̼͕̥.͎̞̦͔"

1) he was right. he was literally right. his assessment of the situation, despite being limited and vague due to only having access to limited and vague information, was factually correct in the major points. i will never ever get over that. he literally said in #039: although most of the statements we get aren’t real, i’m certain that the ones i have to record on a tape recorder are. and when i record these statements, i sense that a force outside of myself takes control of me. something that is always watching us here in the institute,and that wants us to be afraid. and like??? that IS what’s happening! that’s exactly what’s happening! that’s a surprisingly accurate description of how the beholding is using jon and the archives. and although feigning skepticism might not have been a successful strategy, i actually think that it was the most logical strategy to try. like ok, you don’t know exactly what’s going on here but you can tell that something Bad is observing your fear and taking satisfaction from it? simply refuse to be afraid. don’t take the bait that this entity gives you. do everything you can not to get sucked in so you don’t give it what it wants. i mean, that’s what joshua gillespie (coffin guy) did, and we’re always talking about how he was basically the only statement giver with brain cells. anyway, s1!jon made the right call on this one, and if there was a way out i think he would have found it. its just that there was never going to be a way out, because that’s how it goes in the world of tma. but jon was still doing the right thing, you know?

2) he didn’t let his fake skepticism get in the way of helping people. that’s why relistening to s1 after getting to the season finale and learning that jon was lying is so much fun for me; it’s fascinating to listen to early statements and realize how many of his supplementals are just “obviously this ludicrous story isn’t worth taking seriously or following up on at all” [spends another several minutes describing how he had the archives gang follow up on every possible lead, no matter how small, even if it required stealing police files or combing through years of accident reports] [provides details that show exactly what he thinks happened without admitting on the record that anything supernatural happened at all, wink wink] “anyway, that was a waste of time and no reasonable person would give a shit about this. fuck you” like??? jonathan sims my beloved.