* apostate. ᵃᵖ

you can consider this chaotic mess of a blog an archive now. please note that I will only follow back people on my new account, which I can see myself 100% going to interact with. I want a save space for myself again and not be used as a resource blog any longer and yes. I love you all to bits and pieces but this is needed for my own sanity. 

‘     You mean you do not care how I feel about you  ?     ’     How often will she remind him that she was to become the / villain / of his story  ?  Maybe she was the wolf to his deer for he cares too much,  too genuinely, after all.  His heart threatening to combust into several pieces each time he witnesses the agonising misery upon magical creatures.  Unlike many others before she does not doubt his unconditional passion  &  ambition to gently teach fellow wizards and witches about this magnificent creatures.     ‘     I do not mind,  you know  ?  I am fairly fascinated about who you are—  or at least what you allowed me to see.     ’

For quite a bit now she has been following her, for quite a bit now, wondering what she was seeking, wondering what her goal was to enter these woods. Weren’t there rumors about murderous witches, made up by the villagers near by. Little did she care, it kept people away but it seems their works has been negligent lately. No human eye would spot her and be suspicious, was she in her crow form, but her curiosity took over her body, wings spread for the landing but in the same second her feet touched the ground she laid of her feather dress and stood as herself behind the other.   ‘  Well, well, what have we here? Are you a vulture, I wonder? A scavenger poking amidst a corpse whose bones were long since cleaned?  ‘  Cat like movements, carried her around the other in circles, like the predator she was, a mischievous grin plastered over her lips, there lied danger in her golden gleaming eyes, many would have run already but it seemed the other would not leave that soon.  ‘ Or merely an intruder, searching for weak prey  ?  ‘  

Jon had not expected Morrigan to approach him for a walk out of the blue. Ever since she had joined his growing company, she had struck him with curiosity and with amusement to some degree. The man had been peering over the dark book retrieved when she had approached. Yet, he was ready to set it aside for the moment when he noticed her. Though his brow arched briefly, he nodded. Yet, before he could expect anything more? She began walking away. A sigh left his lips as he collected the book within his grasp.

Following her, his attentive nature brought him to gaze around. He had to be sure that this walk would not suddenly turn dangerous. With the whole threat of The Blight, who knew where Darkspawn were lurking. As he finally set his eyes on her, he found them coming to a slower pace than he had started out as. “–and what are these ‘things’, Morrigan?” came the soft-toned words formed into a question. Curiosity was dangerously flickering in his grey eyes.

She was an enigma to him, so he could not help himself in his curiosity. For now, he tamed it well enough and played the part of a cold and distant Warden. It was for the best.

‘   Interesting, honesty wouldn’t have been my first choice. ` Not a slight bit has changed within the witch, one might think that leaving the wilds, leaving the toxic surrounding of her mother, would change anything, yet here she was, her tongue sharp as usual and her words dripping of sarcasm and mockery. Her glance fell upon him, more merciful than her voice did. A sigh, mumbled words, signs of her growing frustration, why was asking people for things --- asking for help even, this hard? If she would be honest to herself, she thought about simply taking it and leave, or deny the fact that she did, but during their journeys, she grew rather fond of the Warden and betrayal never lied in her nature. 

Eyes shut close slowly, muscles tensed, it was clear that she did not feel comfortable in her own skin anymore but the fact that she already went that far, did not lay well on her shoulders.  ‘  Seeking help, does not usually feels easy for me, talking to people in general. But it came to my attention, back when we left this hell hole of a circle, that you found something, which once belonged to my mother.  ‘  During the few weeks they traveled together, he for sure should have realized her displeasure about her own bloodline, but not up until now, she ever spoke more about her relationship to her than needed. 

          ease words    when the thought of corpses was not uncommon to such a mind.       smell,   awful     and worse than ever imagine     (  not that he  EVER  freely imagined such things  )    &  one swallowed.   hands clasped the pizza box just a bit tighter.        ’  where exactly  is     …    somewhere ?  ’      he  blinked.   once.   twice.     oh,  have mercy that this was not a nightmare or much worse,     one corpse still alive.     long glance stood on her,      then on the corpse.   glancing right   &   left as if it would disappear soon.     hopefully.    maybe she was just joking,   a simple prank.    ’  is this   …   does the smell get any worse ?  ’

‘      no  one  can  make  you  feel  inferior  without  your  consent,  morrigan.     ’

@arcanemistrust··· // because i ♥ mewt

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‘  In order to feel reduced, you have to care. Since when do I care about what other people think about me? You have to chose yourself if you are the deer or the wolf Newt.  `

Morrigan hadn’t been a particularly easy guest to have in the house, but it hadn’t been like this before. She’d likely thought he was out, thought to undo the damage before anyone came back, but luck was against her in that respect. He’d heard the smashing, some objects unknown to him being broken in a rather violent fashion, but it hadn’t bothered him enough to go see what the trouble was til it was quiet again. He found her in the middle of it, looking worn out after all the destruction she’d caused. 

“I take it you’re having a bad day,” he said mildly. He leaned against the door frame, hands in his pockets. “Some of these were my mother’s things,” he added. It was easy enough to repair it with magic, but he threw it in anyway. “That’s terribly rude of you.”

@arcanemistrust, starter call.

Mumbled words, apathetic glances wandering around while her fingers cramped around the fabric of her shirt. While being physically there, her mind was somewhere else for sure, did she not even realize somebody else was in the room. The features of her face showing signs of inner pain, she was fighting against something but what, that was unclear. ‘ I don’t care what you say, just leave me the hell alone!   ‘  It was obvious that these was not meant for him even if he was, seemingly, the only other person in the room with her. Her voice raised drastically just within a second as the next vase flew through the room, she didn’t even had to touch it, her wandless magic did its deed after all, if not better than ever before. Morrigan was torn inside, crazy she must seem to most people around her but since when did she care what others were thinking of her. 

My, my. One could only imagine how frightening it was to fall to the sway of a woman like her. No doubt many a suitor was left traumatized for their efforts, but Roche? “Were that flirting, I would’ve hoped you wouldn’t stop there,” he returned with an honesty just as biting. “They say you’re a woman of many talents. I’m sure you can think of something.” Dramatic as it was, stabbing him in the middle of this mind-numbing soiree would have been a mercy of sorts. Were Vernon not in the business to drop dead so easy, he might have even allowed for such advances. Perhaps another time. “Then they must believe you’ve eaten many, though I’m not sure why you thought it worthy of bringing up. I’ve seen much of Orlais – I find that sort of thing fits rather well here.” Crossing his arms, the Marcher traced her steps with interest, curious though alert. She truly embraced the image of a predator. “I’d have thought you’d grown tired of them. You’ve a strange sense of humor. ”

She did not feel anger towards her daughter’s bitter words, the opposite actually. This was why she wanted Morrigan to run her business, not because she was family but someone the old woman respected. While she strayed from the path she set out for her, Flemeth knew she could set her wayward daughter back on the right one by any means necessary. 

“Ah yes, your son. My grandson you never even bothered to tell me about. Yes, I did have my spies tell me all about him. Especially his.. schedule.” The cheery smile became one of menace, one that the girl would know all too well. “It would be a shame, really, if something were to happen.” 

Eyes narrowed as her head tilted to the side, all pleasantries dropped immediately as she spoke in a frosty tone. “I wanted to do this in a nice way, offer you the position in a motherly way, but if you do not accept, you will never see your son again.” 

It was the usual game of a wolf and a deer, but who was in which position now, that was yet to be decided. Apathetic glances rested onto the other, she was tired of these games ever since she left her mothers house many years ago, not second longer could she bear her families presence around her. The fact that she realized, that day by day she indeed turned more and more like her mother, the woman she probably despite the most, that indeed terrified her and back at this moment, she had someone else to take care off as well. She would protect her son at all cost and she was not scared anymore. She would not fall for her dirty tricks, not this time. 

‘  If you think that I am still scared of you mother, than you are wrong. If you think that you can still command me around like a foolish puppet, I will prove you wrong. I am not your toy anymore and you won’t touch my son, he is out of your reach and so I am. Your poisonous words have no power over me anymore. `

                                       ❛     Ah – - You  see…  ran  into  some… uh…  monster,  the  size  of  an  archdemon,  it  was.  wanted  to  have  me  for  its  snack,  but  you  know  me,  so  resilient.  I  had  to  talk  him  down  from  that  questionable  choice  of  appetite.     ❜     though  a  tale  spun  from  gold  painted  lies,  he  did  look  a  sight.  shined  silver  armor  dripping  in  grime.  splattered  with  the  crimson  of  blood    &&    a  blackness  that  he  wasn’t  sure  had  come  from  his  insatiable  hunger  from  the  night  before  or  something  his  blade  had  found  a  temporary  home  in.

                   his  eyes  wander  a  moment,  taking  in  the  scenery,  the  sight.  how  the  hero  would’ve  teased  him  then.  tongue  once  dripping  with  loathing  for  the  swamp  witch  that  stood  ever  so  expectantly  before  him,  the  one  he  traded  blows  with…  yet,  garnered  the  same  respect  the  other  members  of  their  rag-tag  party  had.

                                      ❛     I  call  it,  fashionably  late.  leaves  more  to  be  desired  for,  wouldn’t  you  agree?  must  I  remind  you,  I  wasn’t  a  templar…  they  didn’t  teach  recruits  to  read  clocks  until  they  said  their  vows.  quite  tragic,  really.  I  can’t  imagine  what  they  hadn’t  taught  the  others,  I  was  special,  after  all.     ❜

‘  none of these monsters however, will be as troublesome as I will be if you let me wait that long one more time do you hear that? you take my company for granted lately, I must stem the tide. I have spoiled you, indeed.  `  the witch and the knight, no fairy tale ever seemed to end like this, especially morrigan herself would have protested out loud, was she no fan of happy endings nor romantic stories. up until now, she still did not realize what happened. 

‘ there is nothing fashionable in being late. that is just a blunt lie they tell you, so you fools have an excuse for being foolish. but if you would rather right the dark spawn, so shall be it my dear, I have my own demons to fight back in orlais.  `

Benjen WANTED to be angry with Morrigan. He wanted to tell her just how dangerous what she was doing was, he wanted to scold her for using his name without his permission, he wanted to YELL  even. But he did not. Perhaps he was choosing to be gentle with her because she saved his life and he was indebted to her————perhaps after their time together he had grown SOFT towards her, but Benjen thought most of all she NEEDED some sort of kindness. Never before had he seen such FEAR  in her eyes, nor had he heard such FRAGILITY in her voice. So instead, he chose his words more CAUTIOUSLY.

Benjen let out a soft sigh, and knelt down before Morrigan. His voice was a RASPY whisper, for he did not want others to hear him, and his THROAT had not yet gotten the chance to recover from his ranging. Every time he returns his throat feels like it’s covered in daggers from the bitter cold. ❛ You’re not in the forest anymore, Morrigan. This is not  YOUR territory. Mayhaps you harbour great powers and can cause great fear to the hearts of men, but they have grown COLD and ruthless—-all of them, and even moreso the men I have here. ❜ They have to be. He thinks. Truly, there are some men here who do not WANT to be tough, nor do they want to be cold literally or personality-wise, but the WEAK do not survive. 

He does not break his gaze, staring into her eyes. There was a lot he WANTED to hear from her right now, but the last thing he was expecting to hear fall from her lips, were the names of his late siblings. For a moment, Benjen felt like he was trapped in some sort of TRANCE. He had to shake his head, wondering if she TRULY had just said their names—————-how did she know his siblings? His INITIAL question was answered with her next statement, but none of his other questions were. Right now, they could all wait. Right now, all he cared about was knowing HOW she knew his brother and his sister———————————did she not know they are DEAD now?

Just then, his heart grew a little bit weary. His trance like gaze drifted from Morrigan to the walls of the room around them, as he stood up and went and looked out the window for just an instant. But that instant felt like an eternity to Benjen as he felt a DAGGER in his stomach, thinking about his siblings. Their loss was still so FRESH in his heart, and every time he thinks he is at peace with it, the wound gets opened again. He MISSED his brother and sister dearly, though he never spoke of it out loud. He wished it was him that passed in their place———-they were DESTINED for greatness, they deserved to live long enough to fulfill it. Benjen HATED the people that took them away from him——-he damned the Targaryen’s. But there was nothing he could do to change the past. He could not UNDO what had already been done.

He turned around and FACED Morrigan again. He almost felt sorry for her————her hands were trembling, her pale skin seemed more PALE than ever before, and her eyes looked like they were tired. This was not the same woman he had met in the FOREST. The woman———Witch——–he met in the forest was FEARLESS and could instill fear in the heart of anyone who dared cross her path. Though she was generous and kind there was never a part of Benjen that stopped being cautious the whole time he was in her presence. If he ever would have felt BAD for her, it was not because she seemed HELPLESS and weak, no. So, truly, he felt worried. He wanted to know what happened to her that BROUGHT her to him, but that was going to have to wait.

He let out a SOFT sigh, and looked down at the Witch. ❛ HOW did you———–❜ he pauses, taking a deep breath. ❛ How did you know my brother and sister? ❜ His question does not sound polite, it almost sounds DEMANDING, he needs to know his curiosity cannot handle not knowing. Many people knew of his wolf-blooded sister, and everyone knew of his brave brother Brandon. But the real question that PUZZLED him was how did Morrigan know of them? How did she not realize he was a Stark? They had a CERTAIN look unlike any other people————–the eyes should have been the biggest give away, but perhaps she did not KNOW the great Brandon and wild Lyanna had a BABY  brother. Not many cared to know of him.

He rubs his forehead with his hand, and lets out another sigh. ❛ I won’t be MAD if you just tell me that Morrigan. That’s the least you can do after using my name. ❜ He says to her, his tone much more GENTLE than before. He doesn’t think he would be mad at her regardless, but if she LIES to him, then he will lose respect for her and would be more apt to make this situation less favourable for her.

‘  Men are the same everywhere, north or south the wall it does not matter. They will always fear the unknown, they fear change and will fight it with every fiber of their being. But I’ve seen it, Change is coming to the world and not even I can stop it.  ` Disordered words and sentences who would make no sense to him, ripped out of context and made her face even paler. Whatever she has seen in her vision, it did shocked her to the core and even brought her as far, to, after all those decades she lived out there, cross the wall. 

Everybody who knew Morrigan good enough, knew that she on her own would have never left the wilds, for no reason ever. But she left for her son, to protect him from everything to come, even if that meant she had to give up her freedom, the thing she valued the most in the world. Fingers were fiddling against each other, eyes shut close as she tried to shake of pictures of her memories, she wanted to rest, wanted to breath but yet, she had no place to stay, no place to go the only name which was printed in her memory was his but only now she realized, that his full name would cause up even more problems but now, it was too late to back off. 

Whenever she told someone the story about Kieran and his father, she remained with the tale of a Crow, a knight of the watch who fell in love with the witch in the wilds. But the truth was far different. She did tell Benjen more than anybody else, but even to him she never fully opened up about her journey south the wall int he past. Whenever she wanted to flee her mother, she passed the wall without being noticed, eventually she always ended up going back but this one time, she met a girl in the wilds. Lyanna she was named and she was the only person, ever being kind to her, giving her shelter when she was lost in the woods of Winterfell many years ago. 

A bitter laughter crossed her dry lips, her gaze wandering over to the small lad of hers who played next to them silently. How she knew his siblings? Only looking at Kieran, this question seemed so ridiculous to her, didn’t he look just like a small version of his father, Brandon. Morrigan once told him that his father was a heir to a lord title in Winterfell, obviously she never mentioned any names but he being his brother, it all seemed so unreal now. Her piercingly glare shot back at him and her voice sounded defensive, her words almost threatening, just like a lioness who tried to protect its cub. ‘  Out of all the people, you still have to ask? Do you think your brothers would have let anybody in? Even they can see it, so why can’t you? Just look a him Benjen, look at Kieran and tell me that you are not seeing a younger version of your brother. By the gods look in his eyes and dare to ask me again.  ` 

Disbelief was reflecting from her face and finally, after all these endless angry glares she punished him with, her features softened up and to the list of saving his life, the gift of honesty should be added.  ‘  I met Lyanna on one of my adventures south the wall. My mother was about to find me again and she offered me a hideout close to Winterfell. She brought me food and everything else I needed and it seemed your brother got suspicious and followed her...  we met, we enjoyed each others company and only a few weeks passed until I heard about Lyanna’s fate, he asked me to wait for his return but, I could not, this kind of dependency is something I abhor, even now. I left the same second he did. Weeks have passed until I realized the outcome of our liaison, he was dead by then.   ‘  

well u were telling me to hide my tatas. some people would kill to see them, and some people have. just embrace my child and then the love will be spread