There Are 2 147 Things Hitoya Can't Stand
THIS IS NOT AN ORIGINAL POST. Twitter user lily_hpmy recently combed the entire series--we're talking song lyrics, drama tracks, the anime, the movie, the manga, the live shows, the Spotify radio podcasts, the stageplays, and both video games--to discover the two things Hitoya can't stand. Sorry, did I say two? Make that one hundred forty-seven.
This is that list translated into English for ease of reading. All credit for the massive amount of work involved goes to lily_hpmy, who posts quite a lot of other funny Hypmic content. Please give them a follow! Also, please do not use this post as a jumping off point to harass them or overwhelm them with complex English-language comments. I do not know if they would be comfortable with a random surge of attention from non-Japanese accounts.
The author of this list categorized the list by subject matter (food and drinks, people, places, and miscellaneous) and expression used (can't stand, dislikes, rubs the wrong way, is inexcusable). Because I can't make a table on Tumblr, I've collapsed this into four lists ordered by expression used.
Items that appear more than once are bolded. Occasionally, Hitoya uses different wording to refer to the same thing. When the meanings are functionally identical, list items may appear to be featured twice. Other duplicate items contain footnotes if a meaningful (or just amusing) distinction exists.
I'm writing everything in fairly clinical tones, but Hitoya sounds annoyed as all get-out a good 50% of the time. Determining when to mentally insert the word "fucking" is an exercise left to the reader.
The 81 things Hitoya can't stand:
Bad coffee
Watery coffee
Over-extracted coffee
Mornings without coffee
Nattou without Japanese mustard
Fruit in salads
Pineapple in sweet-and-sour pork (repeated 3 times)
Pineapple on pizza
Strawberries in shortcake
Bad osechi
Ice cubes made from tap water
Drinking cheap sake
Warm beer
People who water down champagne
People who put soy sauce on sushi rice
Pickled plums in mackerel stewed in miso paste [1]
People who don't listen [2]
Procrastinators
People who run their mouths saying nonsense
People who say good luck without meaning it
Students who don't listen to his lectures (from a school AU event)
People who look down on him
People who bother him
Dumbasses who bother him at work
People who litter
Bartenders who make a show of pouring whiskey
People who don't wear socks
Adults who squabble like kids
People who can't read the room
Audience members who don't cheer loud enough [3]
Dumbasses who fall for scams
MCs who run away
People who diss his Nagoya fam
Dumb kids who charge in headfirst without thinking
People who talk too loud at coffee shops
People who make too big of a commotion in coffee shops
People who just stand there without ordering anything in coffee shops
Openly opinionated people [4]
Monks (or a monk, presumably) who make fun of his hair style
People who don't put the TV remote back in its designated spot
People who flaunt their wealth
People who wear cheap, bad perfume or cologne
People who ignore the local rules and customs
People who swear sneakers with suits
People who can't mind their own business
People who use their pets as their phone background
Hitoya when he lacks the vocabulary to properly compliment a client on their beauty (from a host club event)
Hitoya when he is rendered helpless by a client's beauty (from a host club event)
People who do whatever the heck they want with someone else's body (from a body swap event)
People who pull faces or do pranks right as the picture is taken
People who poke their noses into every room in someone else's house
People who camp out in his office uninvited
A pair of dumbassess who barge into his office for the purpose of feeding him nonsense
A certain young, red-haired hooligan
A certain monk-in-training who insists upon calling Hitoya up and having him come over for no stated reason
A certain red-haired monk-in-training who pretends to be busy when he's actually not busy at all
Bars that play classical music
Places with way too many people packed into them
Concerts that play bad music
Lukewarm baths
Losing
Losing at the DRB
Losing
People licking each other's wounds
Being forced to do anything
Being told what to do
Other people writing a script for him [5]
When Jakurai looks down on him
When Jakurai shows him up
Women crying
Reckless behavior
Stewing over conversations that are over and done with
The kind of clothes worn by posers in rock-and-roll subculture
The smell of asphalt on rainy days
Annoying New Year's celebrations [6]
Body swapping (from a body swap event)
Not giving something his 100%
Photos where he's blinking
Staffs that look cool but have bad stats (from a video game AU event)
Monsters that get cocky (from a video game AU event)
The 58 things Hitoya dislikes:
Room temperature rum
Green bananas
Soggy, untoasted baguettes
Lemon water
Bean sprouts
Dry sashimi
People who don't listen
People who do whatever they want despite how it might affect others
A certain perceptive brat [7]
Dumb kids
Impudent kids
People who overestimate their abilities
People who bother him at work
A certain dour-looking office worker
Men who physically abuse women
Cheating, cowardly SOBs who sneak up behind someone and attack them
People who make money the easy way
People who buy band T-shirts without knowing the band
People who walk into restaurants that don't display their prices just to see how much things cost
Obnoxiously excited tourists
People who lack manners and butt into other people's conversations
Low-ability chumps who band together
Certain obnoxiously excited dumbasses
People who don't care enough about anything
Two-faced people
People with the audacity to openly take other people's stuff
Seeing a certain monk give up
A certain obnoxious monk-in-training on April Fool's Day
A certain disagreeable doctor
Drunk Jakurai
Crowded, hard-to-walk-in bars
Restaurants that don't display their prices
Romance novels
Trashy necktie pins
Trashy suits
Outstanding documents
Lack of self-reliance
Damp cigarettes
Failure to properly consider a man's resolve
Jobs that don't pay well
Trials that don't pay well
Defending a terrible person in trial
Bullying
Bullying the weak
Being looked after
Low energy concerts
When fun experiences are over
Trashy neon signage
Taking photos of people doing lame poses
Wasting time
Bullshit
Self-serving bullshit
Cosplay
Being forced to undergo ascetic training on his day off
Trains
Buses
The 4 things that rub Hitoya the wrong way:
Dumbasses who don't listen
People who ask dumb questions
People who think it's funny to ask dumb questions
People who jump to conclusions
The 4 things that are inexcusable to Hitoya:
Warm beer
Cocky chumps
Assholes who can't recognize when they've done wrong
Dumbasses who go wild and trash the beach at night
[1] A common dish. Hitoya isn't being ridiculously specific, as the length of this line in translation might suggest.
[2] A more annoyed sounding version of the "people who don't listen" in the "dislike" list. Presumably, this one is directed at Kuukou.
[3] Said at a live show.
[4] Said with zero shred of self-awareness.
[5] Said during a Spotify radio podcast. I would assume, although I've not checked, he doesn't want to read a piece of scripted content on air and would rather speak for himself.
[6] This line is light on context, but as New Year's is Japan's largest holiday and celebrated with family, I assume he's referring to the annoying aspects of large family gatherings. Think "obnoxious Thanksgiving dinner" for a US analogy.
[7] From Harmonious Cooperation when Hitoya is upset that Kuukou noticed him being out of sorts.
