Victoria's Poems

Yet I am the one doing it all;

Put you in a golden pedestal,

You burn me with my own tears.

Feel afraid and alone,

There is no peace in my home;

You scream and I weep,

Next morning, I smile and forgive.

Promised I wouldn't be in the dark,

But you became the owner;

Changed the bad and turned into water,

You built up towers of poison.

Careful of what I say or think,

Swallow the pain and try to sooth you;

Pretend I am okay and make up excuses,

All to keep you safe from the others.

From a team, to individuals,

Many times you have walked the door;

Your regret is late because the torture is already done,

But I still hold your hand and move on.

Promised I wouldn't be in the dark,

But you became the owner;

Changed the bad and turned into water,

You built up towers of poison.

My religion and the life of my soul,

The father of the angel I adore;

Despite the darkness, I cannot let you go,

Loving you is a blessing and a curse.

The Sun shines more than the Moon,

But from months of happiness, now is only days;

Broke down my barriers and gave you all,

Your mood swings and rage make my mind burn.

Promised I wouldn't be in the dark,

But you became the owner;

Changed the bad and turned into water,

Just needed a night to think,

Wanted to say goodbye properly;

You were the one I would always choose,

But you left and broke me in two.

Your tall body and beautiful smile,

The way your eyes twinkle and shine;

My passion and reason were gone in your embrace,

I'd do anything to wake up next to your lovely face.

Can you hear I love you from afar?

Can I tell you I miss you in my life?

Losing you is breaking my mind

If you'd only come back to me and be my heart.

You are the mate of my inner wolf,

The melody of my every song;

Unlike Christine, I would have chosen the Phantom,

For you, I would surrender to the shadows.

Despite the nagging questions,

My fear of not having stability;

I'd would have followed you till the dark.

Without you, I lost all my abilities.

Can you hear I love you from afar?

Can I tell you I miss you in my life?

Losing you is breaking my mind

If you'd only come back to me and be my heart.

If I knew that would have been the last time,

I would have kissed you and melt in your arms;

Wouldn't have doubted to be yours,

Wouldn't have care about society's rules.

Can you give me one last chance?

To prove you that you are the one I want;

There is no sea or land I wouldn't cross

Even when wrinkled and old, I will long for your touch

Can you hear I love you from afar?

Can I tell you I miss you in my life?

Losing you is breaking my mind

Nothing special or different;

Regular trip to the grocery store,

Ended up scared to the core.

Standing in line to pay,

You grabbed me by the wrists;

My feet almost turned jelly,

Your eyes were venom to mine.

Asked me about our child,

While tears were coming to my eyes;

The guard finally came,

Like a thief, you ran away.

Shaking and breathless, I paid,

Walked with the guard outside;

Yet I couldn't stop thinking you were there,

Waiting to grab me again.

Got to work shaking and crying,

Sweating and mumbling;

Didn't want to speak nor move,

Just like in the past, fear ruled over me.

Why don't you just give up?

Why torture me when you lost?;

Leave me and my child alone,

Isn't it enough with what you've done?

When will the nightmare end?

Can't go out without someone by my side;

I check every corner and pray for safety,

Criticism at home and at the street;

Putting my finger in my throat,

Feeling all the ugliness go out.

Beauty is not round and jiggly,

Doesn't need bigger sizes;

Why can't you follow the rule?

You look like a diabetes ad.

Countless of hours in the gym,

Laxatives, special teas and vomit;

One little cut here and there on my flesh,

But on the outside my smile is intact.

Elephants don't wear skirts,

Don't take the jacket off or your soggy arms will show;

Look at the X on the jean and cry,

Not even flies want you.

Eat all you want and throw it up later,

Break your bones on the machine;

You want to be pretty, don't you not?

Then keep destroying even your sanity.

Results start appearing but is never enough,

Comparisons and disappointed faces all around;

Going shopping comes with anxiety,

While food brings panic and sorrow.

Everyone talks about body positivity,

But they keep the knives on their tongues;

Girls like me are used for only shame or politics,

But they blame us if we end our heart beat.

People want the beauty of magazines,

No person will want your piggy belly;

Look at yourself in the mirror,

The goal is to be size 0 not have the shape of one.

No matter how many mirrors you break,

How many hours you try purging;

You don't fit in a chair, you need a truck,

Go back to the shadows, you cow.

Many years struggling with myself,

Therapy and good people have helped;

But it still hard to eat even a candy,

I dream with your punches and slaps;

Constantly check my surroundings,

Thinking you are hiding to then beat me.

Cannot sleep properly,

I always check the locks and corners;

Even in company, I feel scared of facing you,

You want revenge for me telling the truth.

Have a new person with me and my child,

He has an undying kindness and love;

Never judges me for the panic attacks you cause,

I wish you would leave my life alone.

You took everything I had without doubting it,

You broke my trust and almost my every bone;

Called my child of many insults and you wished him dead,

Why are you still taunting and wounding us now?

I did every legal route to stop you,

But you don't have enough and still fight;

You say it is love towards your child,

But I know your soul and you only want for him pain.

Stop with the narrative that you are good,

There are countless photos of my bruises;

Thousands of emails and many witnesses,

You are the reason I use sleep medication.

No matter how afraid I am, I will fight back,

I will not let that you destroy my life again;

For myself, my child and my new love, I will do it,

You don't let me sleep but I won't let you live in peace.

You pushed me to the ground,

Left me with bruises and scars;

A floor filled with vomit and broken glass,

You choke me until I don't hear a sound.

No matter how much I gave or did,

You would filled me with kicks and insults;

Everything that gave me happiness you forbid,

My screams and pain made your heart exult.

Didn't care about the baby or the people outside,

But after your hideous crime you ran away and hide;

Told the world I lied and was the ugly beast,

But of your abusive emails and chats, I have a feast.

Demanded for money and a good life,

While our child was connected to a machine;

You taunted me with your new brainwashed wife,

And I thought the Devil was the most obscene.

I had to be the provider while you played,

Covering bruises with makeup and lying for your sake;

Punches, slaps and mean words made me obeyed,

When gold bloomed, you wanted all from that cake.

Didn't care about the baby or the people outside,

But after your hideous crime you ran away and hide;

Told the world I lied and was the ugly beast,

But of your abusive emails and chats, I have a feast.

You told the world, the baby was nothing of you,

But he even likes your same shade of blue;

Now you want to give him your entire love,

Coincidentally when you have no money or home.

We built our world on our own,

Had to pass thru pain and even death;

Now you tell the world without him you are lone,

But I will never let you pollute him with your breath.

Didn't care about the baby or the people outside,

But after your hideous crime you ran away and hide;

Told the world I lied and was the ugly beast,

I must apologise if I trigger people with my poems, this month is a difficult month for me, it will be 3 years since I was almost left dead while pregnant. My ex beat me up, spat on me, insulted me, tried to sexually abuse of me, kicked me and smacked me while he was heavily intoxicated, he didn't care about our unborn son, he just wanted us both dead. Before that date, he had been abusing of me constantly and in many different ways that it still brings terror to my bones. I have gone to therapy, I have a better relationship with an honorable man and my son grows happily and without that awful man in his life but nevertheless, I still have nightmares and it has been a long process to accept what happened to me. This is my way to cope with the almost 2 years of abuse he put me thru. Please if anyone is in this position, get help, know you deserve better and always know that it is not your fault he/she is a monster.

Carry the pain and gloom,

Broke the heart of her star;

Deafening death at the door,

The wind stopped its blow.

You want the smile and the sun,

Be the life of every party;

But this is the face of despair,

Dressed in gowns and crowns.

She wanted the fairytale,

Believed in what the beast sold as love;

Now she is in the gold castle,

Weeping and covered in blood.

Sat at the obscure corner,

With the scissors in front of her;

Bruises swelling and busted lips,

If God exists, where is He?

You fall for the wounded kindness,

Only see what you want to see;

Forsake the flaking makeup and teary eyes,

You drink another glass of champagne.

Everyone says she is radiant,

Never an ounce of sadness or anger;

Under her skin are the wounds,

In her soul there is only a black hole.

Spent hours covering blues and purple,

Repeated every excuse she had in line;

Fucked against her will when the guests left,

She had her battle ready the next day.

Careful bags packed with freedom,

On a pitch black night, she sailed away;

In a fortnight a letter came,

Hell broke loose with what she wrote.

A liar, a victim or a stupid woman,

Those are your thoughts when you see the truth;

What about the hugs and friendship you swore?

Oh right, it left when she showed the flaws.

Run away, drown the memory in booze,

She will show up in your dreams;

Never meant for revenge,

But life comes to get you in the end.

The perfect image of a woman,

Obedient and silent with silly comments;

Her true spirit was being abused,

And you went to bed with her cries for help.

Years of solitude and trying to walk again,

All those friends long gone,

She was at a crossroad with her child,

While you partied with the beast.

Saw her again on the streets,

Faked your concerns and sympathy;

When she went home, she laughed it off,

Finally, you were dead to her soul.

The girl with the broken Moon,

The mother with a million scars;

Defeated society's torture,

He is there lurking in the dark,

He will grab you and eat you;

There is no escape for anyone,

You are doomed to die.

Fell for the pretty words and promises,

Now you are his new broken toy;

Don't fight it or judge it,

Love is pain or did you forget?

He tears apart my clothes,

Doesn't listen when I ask him to stop;

His laughter echoes in my head,

No amount of showers will take the smell away.

Nicotine in the air and booze,

Makeup to cover the new bruises;

People doesn't help me even if I beg,

Where is God?

I can feel darkness closing in,

He is ready to hit and insult;

Cannot run fast enough,

This is the end for me.

Blood on the floor,

Spend hours cleaning and moping;

Broken glass on my hair,

Marks on my neck and thighs.

Too many bags and dead flowers,

Tries to compensate with dinners I have to pay;

Wounds me if I say no,

But he will always hit me for no reason.

Doesn't care about my consent,

His friends laugh of my sorrow;

Fakes to be concerned about me,

But again this is what love is.

Twisted my ankle for using a skirt,

Almost hanged me for not cooking;

Slapped me for talking back,

Repeatedly silenced for his benefit.

I cannot take it anymore,

I want this to stop and just be free;

But who would take care of me?

Barbie got cheated and hurt,

Ken talks a lot of being forgiven and God;

The youngest Kelly with a war on her heart,

The other trying to give the baby boy a peace of mind.

Tired of the fucking hypocrisy,

So much talk about feminism and self-esteem;

But crawls back to Ken's pitiful scheme,

Don't blame Kelly for not wanting to grin.

Welcome to Barbie's House,

Where Barbie lies to get cheating Ken back;

Where one Kelly has to be in the middle,

While the other one prepares cyanide needles.

Tried so hard to keep them at bay,

But the two of them want to rule over everyone;

The future doesn't come fast enough,

When will they realise they are burning us all?

Kelly just wants to be okay and without fear,

She used to be the start, middle and end;

She has the right to be free from pain,

But she must also let Barbie make mistakes.

Welcome to Barbie's House,

Where Barbie lies to get cheating Ken back;

Where one Kelly has to be in the middle,

While the other one prepares cyanide needles.

Love them all with every piece of me,

But this Kelly and her child don't want more of their fight;

Stop trying to have it all with lies and threats,

Or there will be blood and rolling heads.

Can't you see you can't have the happy house?

We all have feelings and rights to be respected;

Find a new house and let us find ours in ease,

Don't want to play pretend till the end of our days.

Welcome to Barbie's House

Where Barbie lies to get cheating Ken back;

Where one Kelly has to be in the middle,

Starts the week of the fake,

Pedophiles and abusers pretend to pray;

Drunks and harlots recite all psalms,

A true spectacle of fallacy and stupidity.

Normal days people don't care about God,

But on this week, they fervently remember Him;

All to comply with rules of society,

Millions of fakers, make me want to vomit.

It is all the same song year after year,

People go to church and play their part well;

But in the darkness of the night, truth comes to show,

Instead of praising God, we mock Him.

Men who are wealthy by the poor's money,

Speak about being humble and true;

People who are serpents and monsters all year;

Play the most faithful follower, the best joke.

When is all this hypocrisy coming to an end?

Is this a week of worship or a week for lies?

We all follow the master puppeteer to the circus,

Don't blame God if He forsake us all.

We all hate the Devil because he creates chaos,

But He didn't force us to mock God like this;

Even the dark Lord has manners and limits,

But we continue to stab God on His back while smiling.

Every whore prays the Hail Mary,

The father that neglects his children, sings the most;

Broken families clap and pray in tune,

No wonder why statues cry, we feast on their pain.

God gave His son without a doubt for us,

And we repay him with a fake devotion of a week;

God asked for love and honesty, a simple task,

But He didn't count we would close the door on Him

We are supposed to not have any vice on Friday,

But fridges are already filled with booze for that day;

We are supposed to behave and pay respects,

But people are thinking of vacay at the beach.

Almighty please do not get me wrong,

I believe in Thee and have Thee on my soul;

But I cannot play part on this charade anymore,