There's so much to do in the sunlight...

The day after I posted that, my aunt suddenly decided it was time for my mom to take a shower. It had been a month of her actively avoiding direct care at this point.

My mom would have to go up a ramp and hold herself up with a grab bar in a slippery wet chair while my aunt, who was previously against providing direct care, somehow helped her bathe. My mom is still very paralyzed on her left side. Based on previous experiences with my aunt, she did not want to go through with this. My aunt disregarded her concerns.

My mom did something she's been genuinely terrified to do in my aunt's presence for weeks. She made a phone call.

She quietly called her friend from home, who knew the situation wasn't working out. That friend called me at work in a panic, scared that my mom was about to get hurt. I called for a sub in my classroom and called my mom.

Because my aunt was hovering, my mom could only answer very stiffly with yes or no answers, but she said she wasn't comfortable getting into the shower with just my aunt.

So now I'm clocking out of work on an undisclosed emergency and calling 911 for a senior in an unsafe situation as I drive.

When I get to my aunt's, Adult Protective was already in the driveway. They followed through at the eleventh hour! My mom was in the living room with an APS social worker spilling as much proverbial tea as possible. She's telling her all the therapy she's missed out on and all the meals she's missed and the sponge-bayhing she's had to do. Meanwhile, my aunt is showing another social worker around the house, seemingly unaware of what's really going on.

And then the 911 wellness check I called for showed up! I was expecting EMTs. I WAS NOT EXPECTING A COUNTY SHERIFF. So now my aunt is like, freeeeeeeaking out. I gave a statement to the sheriff, and somewhere in here the APS social workers tell me that since my aunt is not family (she's my mom's best friend that was so close I called her aunt), she doesn't have the power to dictate certain choices against my mom's will like she thought she did. They suggested getting my mom to an ER and asking for an emergency placement. They also tried to get me to stop shaking.

Before I rolled Mom out the door and into my car, my mom asked my 'aunt' if she could find my mom's checkbook. This checkbook was lost almost the moment my mom first rolled into the house because "Oopsie! My aunt loses things so easily hahaha!"

It didn't take my 'aunt' three full minutes to find my mom's checkbook in her own dresser drawer and hand it to my mom.

My mom and I were dumbstruck at the implications of that moment.

The last thing she said as we left was "I'm sorry it had to come to this".

Absolutely bonkers.

The first night at the hospital was spent pulling my mom out of severe dehydration. The second was spent dripping vitamins and nutrients into her because apparently she was also severely anemic. By the third day she was back at her old rehab center. The nurses were confused at her return but happy to see her. She's more herself now, she has more energy and wit. She said "My brain doesn't feel so beat up anymore" yesterday, and I'm terrified to imagine where we'd be if I hadn't taken her to the hospital.

On top of all of this, I've toured and applied for an apartment for me and the three cats I share with Mom. My application was accepted. God willing and the creek don't rise, the cats and I will have our own place by next week.

I actually trust my 'aunt's take care of the cats in my absence (I'm back at my childhood home while on paid family leave to help my mom settle back into rehab). Aside from not wanting accusations of animal cruelty thrown her way (in the past she DID pour water on Briar and scare her half to death), it turns out she may not have been cheekily exaggerating whenever she said she cared for animals more than people. So in that regard, I am hopeful. Oh and I've been packing my room at her house whenever she's out at one of her three jobs, to avoid the awkwardness.

So the biggest concern is where Mom will go after rehab this time. But things have been going so well for us this week that it's downright scary. The good-time bubble is bound to burst at the worst possible moment. That's keeping me worried.

That brings us to tonight, and I'm exhausted from writing all if that from my phone lol.

Here's hoping the good-time bubble holds up a bit longer.

So as I think y'all moots already know, my mom had a stroke in February. After hospitalization and rehab, she was discharged to live with the same aunt I've been living with for the past year to be closer to my new job. This aunt has been saying for YEARS during every one of Mom's health scares that she'd open up her home to us if Mom couldn't live alone. We both did the training to help Mom to and from a toilet or other seat, and she was discharged.

Like a week into it, my aunt is very obviously overwhelmed by my mom's needs. She sat next to me and unloaded that "I'm not a caregiver! I was doing this to be a friend, not a caregiver." and I was just stunned. Why would you say that to someone's adult child? What did she expect? Sympathy?

Sooooo things spiraled after that. My aunt's temper with my mom got shorter. When my mom expressed her depression, my aunt went into an expletive laden outburst about how she's missing so much office time (I always thought her job was primarily wfh so lol wtf is she talking about?) and so on. She said all this in front of me. This is when I started to worry for my mom.

My mom later offered to arrange a re-enrollment in her PT/rehab program, but my aunt just said no with no further elaboration. My mom and I were both really unsettled by that response. So now my mom's only child decided to look for solutions on their own.

While I spent lunch breaks talking with elder care helplines and elder abuse specialists on my phone, my mom wasn't getting lunch. My aunt woild say "Whoops she slept through it." Mom was getting belittled for the efforts she was making with her exercises ("That's it? It's like you don't actually want to get better!"). She was also getting really itchy, and it turns out that my aunt had a "No direct care" policy in place for herself, which meant my mom was only getting hygiene help when I was around.

After my aunt responded to my mom's itchiness by giving her antihistamines, I decided this living arrangement was unsustainable, especially for a long term period. My aunt was also trying to needle into my mom's financial autonomy. All while complaining that she just 'couldn't do this all by herself'. Meanwhile, I'm helping Mom to the bathroom, doing her hair, helping her get dressed, helping her sponge bathe aaaaaand calling 911 when she showed symptoms of a UTI/dehydration.

So I made an anonymous referral to Adult Protective Services.

They haven't been around yet afaik. They still have tomorrow as part of their 24-72 business hours response time.

This weekend I almost drove Mom to a local hospital and asked for an emergency placement somewhere, but Mom talked me out of it.

My aunt is asking me to track down an in-home aide person. I can't wait to meet with someone and let them know what's been actually going on, without my aunt dictating the narrative.

I'm just so stressed out. I'm my mom's only child, and I don't want her living like this. I don't want to be in my aunt's house anymore either, but I can't leave until I know my mom is safe.

I've been validated by the two friends I've disclosed this to, the various social workers I've spoken to, and users on elder care subreddits. But it just doesn't seem to be as urgent to anyone else.