There's so much to do in the sunlight...

So as I think y'all moots already know, my mom had a stroke in February. After hospitalization and rehab, she was discharged to live with the same aunt I've been living with for the past year to be closer to my new job. This aunt has been saying for YEARS during every one of Mom's health scares that she'd open up her home to us if Mom couldn't live alone. We both did the training to help Mom to and from a toilet or other seat, and she was discharged.

Like a week into it, my aunt is very obviously overwhelmed by my mom's needs. She sat next to me and unloaded that "I'm not a caregiver! I was doing this to be a friend, not a caregiver." and I was just stunned. Why would you say that to someone's adult child? What did she expect? Sympathy?

Sooooo things spiraled after that. My aunt's temper with my mom got shorter. When my mom expressed her depression, my aunt went into an expletive laden outburst about how she's missing so much office time (I always thought her job was primarily wfh so lol wtf is she talking about?) and so on. She said all this in front of me. This is when I started to worry for my mom.

My mom later offered to arrange a re-enrollment in her PT/rehab program, but my aunt just said no with no further elaboration. My mom and I were both really unsettled by that response. So now my mom's only child decided to look for solutions on their own.

While I spent lunch breaks talking with elder care helplines and elder abuse specialists on my phone, my mom wasn't getting lunch. My aunt woild say "Whoops she slept through it." Mom was getting belittled for the efforts she was making with her exercises ("That's it? It's like you don't actually want to get better!"). She was also getting really itchy, and it turns out that my aunt had a "No direct care" policy in place for herself, which meant my mom was only getting hygiene help when I was around.

After my aunt responded to my mom's itchiness by giving her antihistamines, I decided this living arrangement was unsustainable, especially for a long term period. My aunt was also trying to needle into my mom's financial autonomy. All while complaining that she just 'couldn't do this all by herself'. Meanwhile, I'm helping Mom to the bathroom, doing her hair, helping her get dressed, helping her sponge bathe aaaaaand calling 911 when she showed symptoms of a UTI/dehydration.

So I made an anonymous referral to Adult Protective Services.

They haven't been around yet afaik. They still have tomorrow as part of their 24-72 business hours response time.

This weekend I almost drove Mom to a local hospital and asked for an emergency placement somewhere, but Mom talked me out of it.

My aunt is asking me to track down an in-home aide person. I can't wait to meet with someone and let them know what's been actually going on, without my aunt dictating the narrative.

I'm just so stressed out. I'm my mom's only child, and I don't want her living like this. I don't want to be in my aunt's house anymore either, but I can't leave until I know my mom is safe.

I've been validated by the two friends I've disclosed this to, the various social workers I've spoken to, and users on elder care subreddits. But it just doesn't seem to be as urgent to anyone else.