Tonight I handed in my keys to the place I grew up in.
This post isn't done to gather sympathy, I just need to get things off my chest. Iâd talk about it with someone but my throat is already hurting from being sick, and the arguing tonight has made it worse. Writing is always a cathartic way to get things off my chest anyway.
My parents havenât been happy since I came out over 2 years ago. Like a lot of European parents of their generation they are very traditional in their values and beliefs. Very Old School. So their 27 year old son coming out to them, after they thought he preferred women was a little shocking.
I came out to them after a break up with my first boyfriend (well first one worth mentioning), someone I had gone out for three years. I did it because one of the many reasons we broke up was about us both not being out to our parents. I had some misguided notion that coming out to my parents would somehow make us get back together (I was wrong, wasn't the first time. Thatâs a story for another time).
I knew when I came out to my parents that two things would either happen. They would either Accept me, or Not and kick me out. Instead the result I got was this weird grey area. They didn't accept it, but they didn't kick me out or get angry. Just really upset.
Over the past two years and a bit things have ranged from bad to worse, but with moments of happiness. There have been plenty of arguments, insults and tears. Arguments ranging from âWhy canât you try and be straightâ to âItâs a disgusting filthy habitâ, to my favourite âYouâre being selfish and killing usâ. Emotional blackmail has also been used. European parents excel at guilt trips.
I've had news articles read to me about gay guys who kill their partners for money, or people who have been bashed/killed for being gay. I've been told to keep safe and not be seen anywhere doing anything. Religion has also been a fun discussion point with them, âYour lifestyle is against our beliefsâ.
I've also had my brother completely wipe me off. He doesn't accept it and thinks being Gay is wrong. He is of the belief I went this way because I got dumped hard by a girl, and thought âThat it I must be Gayâ.
As I mentioned though, throughout it all there has been moments of happiness as well. This is something I hid and lied to my parents for years. Coming out to them, although very hard to do was the bravest thing I've ever done.
It lifted a huge weight off my shoulders. I know a lot of people say that but itâs true. Iâm standing much taller, and am more confident in myself than I have ever in my entire life.
I had come out to my friends years prior, and while that was great being able to be myself with them, coming out to my parents really did feel like a fresh start to life.
I no longer had to hide who I was to them. We started talking more as well. Yes it has been at times arguments, but at least weâve been talking. Communication is something which had broken down over the years prior.
6 months ago I moved out of my family home and into my own one bedroom flat. Life has been fantastic and grown more as a person. Things have gotten better between my parents and me as well.
I have a weekly ritual of going over to my parents every Wednesday for Dinner and sometime for Sunday Lunch/Dinner. Wednesdayâs also involve me usually typing my Dadâs invoices out for him.
We still argue occasionally. Tonight for example involved a âdiscussionâ which led to me being asked to leave my house key and not talk to them for a week. This has happened before, so Iâm surprisingly not that sad.
So as I said my life is mixture of good and bad. The important things is that I try to not let the bad things keep me down. If I seem overly cheerful all the time itâs because I think life is too short to be sad or angry. Yes my family doesnât accept me at the moment, but thankfully Iâm more of a âGlass is Half Fullâ kind of person and live in hope that someday they will.
So this I say to you Internet. Stay strong. Embrace your family & friends. Live in hope. Do things that make you happy
Trust me. It Gets Better.