Addie

This is a hiatus, possibly never ending.

My mother and I have gotten into one serious fight and I moved out due to the years of disrespect and fighting and just a lot. I was still able to go out and ride Addie.

My mother has now recently decided because I took my cat back that I no longer deserve to see Addie. She will not let me take her, yet complains that I do not pay for her. I refuse to pay for a boarding facility that is literally an hour out of my way. If I’m paying for a boarding facility, Addie will be at one close to me. This is why I refused to pay. I told my mother I would take her, and all of a sudden she decides Addie is hers. This is a control tactic.

So I played nice with her to see Addie. And then I went and took my cat back, calling her and letting her know ahead of time. Knowing she was still angry at me, I limited the visit to literally just taking my cat and going. I didn’t want to fight with her so I chose not to engage.

My mother decides that this is a sin punishable by death as she blames me for the toxicity and how I didn’t say anything to her. Of course I wouldn’t- knowing her she’d say something nasty. And as someone with bad anxiety, I didn’t want to deal with it.

Because of my awful choice to remain neutral, my mother has taken all of my rights away to see Addie. She said if I go out and visit her anyway she’d move her. She quite literally Houdini’d my horse from me because she is angry at me. She keeps calling Addie her horse and it’s driving me up the wall. She claims I’ve done nothing for Addie yet I’ve given up everything for her, even told my mom I want to take her and pay for her MYSELF.

However, this game is all about control. It’s how much my mother can manipulate and control me. Addie is the one card she has that she knows she can hurt me with, so she is using it.

I can’t handle posting old pictures of her because when I see them I miss her so much.

it doesn’t mean a damn thing if they love you if they’re not treating you well. loving you doesn’t mean they’re good, and it doesn’t mean they deserve you, and it doesn’t mean they treat you properly.

it doesn’t mean fucking SHIT if bad parents love you. it doesn’t mean SHIT if a bad partner or bad friend loves you.