My Life Is My Hell

So, today is a year since Torn aired. It really doesn’t seem that long, and it’s been an up and down year, but I still love that episode so much. So many people worked hard to make it great, and it got nominated for awards (Damn you, Inspector George Gently! It should have been ours!), and I saw someone who liked a tweet of mine today had a line I wrote as part of their bio and that was fairly overwhelming.

Of course, it now seems like Wolfblood is done for the foreseeable future. It happens. I was told before we started writing S5 that it was probably the last one (though we did have plenty of threads we were going to pull on if it came back). And of course I wish there had been another series - not least because there was a good chance I’d have been asked back and I had two pretty good story pitches ready. But I’m so proud to have been part of S5. I hope we sent some good messages and thoughts out. Not to be afraid. To face down people who would try to change you into something you’re not. To love and care for your friends, your family - your pack.

I started out as a WB fan back in 2012, and now I go back to being one - like all of you - for… forever, I guess. But we have DVDs, and downloads, and books, and tumblr, and Twitter. That will always be around. (As will hopefully occasional royalties when it repeats and sells around the world - I got my first ones last month, and I found out we’re actually on HBO in Bali!)

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Most of all, I’m so happy we were able to give you Robrina. We may have wanted it to be more, in amongst all the plot goings on, but my heart swells whenever I think we GOT. THAT. IN.  And now… they’re yours. Fly free with the fanfic. Take them anywhere you want. Love them like we did and do. Just don’t ever break them up or kill one of them because I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN.

So if you’ll indulge me, I’m going to tell one last Robrina story myself, right now. It wouldn’t have made S6 if we made it, I’m sure, but it’s as much canon as any future you can imagine and write for them. It happened not long after the end of the series, as life slowly settled back to as much normal as WBs will ever enjoy. That’s *pretty* normal - no-one’s trying to hurt them now - but still filled with small adventures and massive moments, like all our lives are.

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So, one Saturday night, a couple of weeks post all the RECENT DRAMA, as Mr. Jeffries insists on calling it, Katrina & Robyn are going to hit the town. They invite Jana, who’s still crashing on the sofa, but she declines to come. She’s missed wayyyyyy too much on Netflix, what with being busy saving the WB world and all, and is using Katrina’s account like it’s a free trial about to expire (she’s confident her life out-stranges Stranger Things, but she sees a spark in that Steve Harrington guy and is convinced he’ll come good in the end). And they’re kinda pleased, because really they only invited her out of politeness. It’s their time. Their night.

So they go out. It’s still winter. It’s cold. Katrina’s bundled up against the Newcastle chill, and Robyn’s rocking the grey jacket. Yeah, that one. It’s special to her now, not only because she looks uber-sharp in it, but because she was wearing it when she …you know.

They grab something to eat - pizza, splitting the toppings - and move on, up onto the steeper streets and into the crowds. Casually, they realise they’re walking arm-in-arm now (Katrina took Robyn’s but it could have gone either way) And they find themselves outside one of the clubs Robyn used to go to on her own, in her isolation. Katrina hasn’t been out dancing for ages, with the pressures of running the Kafe and everything. So it’s a good pick. And they go inside, and drink a little, and shout a little, Katrina straining her voice over the music no matter how many times Robyn tries to tell her she can hear her perfectly at a whisper. And the night goes on. Eventually they give up on talking.

But they almost don’t need words anymore - their codes are developing fast. And then Katrina wants to dance, and offers her hand, leads Robyn onto the dance floor. Back into that beat. It’s relaxed, it’s fun - Katrina is seriously wowed by Robyn’s dancing… but despite the arm in arm, the closeness, something hasn’t clicked yet. That last little link.

A pounding dance track ends, and then … solo piano starts. Gorgeous, spare chords. And then a voice - delicate, crystal. And they both stop moving, and simply look at each other.

…We said goodbye, that’s what you told me once So many times, we’ve made our peace But this is love, I’ll never give you up I know you’ll always come home to me…

People are moving all around them, on and off the floor, but suddenly, they’re the only ones in the room. Katrina, Robyn, and the track.

Like a river always running I keep losing you

Like a fire always burning I’ll be here for you

And it’s like, somehow, they know this voice* connects them. Inner thoughts expressed that just needed a push. They’re still just looking into one another, as the track begins to ramp.

If you’re ready, heart is open I’ll be waiting Come and find me If you’re searching for forever I’ll be waiting Come and find me I see you, here in the darkness Blinding light right where your heart is If you’re ready, heart is open I’ll be waiting Come and find me

And then the beat hits and that’s it. They grab each other, pulling in tight, and if there was a camera it would be twirling around them, little cuts grabbing details -  fingers pressing into arms, pressing into each other, just getting. so. close and -

the kiss.

Come and find me Come and find me I see you, here in the darkness Blinding light right where your heart is If you’re ready, heart is open I’ll be waiting Come and find me

No-one chasing them. No worries for the future, no worries of rejection or pain. It’s here at last and it’s real. And it lasts through the rest of the song. Holding each other in the middle of that floor, in the middle of the beat. And both feel they’re home.

We’ve lost our way that’s what you told me last Tears, they come and go This is us, I’ll never get enough It’s taking losing you to know

If you’re ready, heart is open I’ll be waiting Come and find me If you’re searching for forever I’ll be waiting Come and find me I see you, here in the darkness Blinding light right where your heart is If you’re ready -if you’re ready- heart is open -heart is open- I’ll be waiting Come and find me…

And as the song ends they pull back a little. Both teary, but smiling the instant they see that. It’s good, it’s okay. And you’re more than okay - you’re mine. And now there’s more music, and more dancing, and more holding until it’s late…

…and then it’s early, and time to go back to the flat.

Call the Midwife: Coping through Crack aka swooning over Patsy and Delia

Call the Midwife: Coping through Crack aka swooning over Patsy and Delia

Call the Midwife: Coping through Crack aka swooning over Patsy and Delia

Call the Midwife: Coping through Crack aka swooning over Patsy and Delia