I'M THE DADDY HERE

Klaus: No way! You had a threesome?

Diego: [also panicking] Just turn the phone upside down and use six!

Klaus: Oh, you're a genius!

Five:

Eudora Patch: All right. Let's forget about it. Let's play a game instead. Tag a friend with whom you recently engaged in criminal activity.

Klaus: LMAOOOOO @ DIEGO

Klaus:

Five: Well, when the caffeine inevitably runs out, the anxiety and panic attacks kick in, so I never feel tired. I'm always buzzing with energy!

Luther:

Luther: Five, are you okay?

Diego: I'll stop asking him when he stops killing children!

Reginald:

Diego: Single and ready to mingle.

Klaus: Gay and ready to play.

Luther: Wait, we're out of straws?

Diego: No, I thought I saw some in the kitchen.

Viktor: You actually use straws?

Diego: No, not usually, but Lila likes them, so if I'm out, I'll pick some up for her.

Viktor: Well, don't get paper straws.

Allison: Oh, they make metal straws now! We can grab some of those!

Luther: What's wrong with just plain plastic straws?

Klaus: The turtles, bro!

Diego: Turtles don't use straws.

Viktor: I-I know, that's not what we're--

Luther: All right, well, first things first -- let's just find out if we even need more straws, okay?

Viktor: Well, Five said he used the last straw.

Klaus: Maybe he was lying.

Allison: Come on, Klaus, be serious. Why would he lie about something like that?

Klaus: Yes.

Dave Katz:

Dave Katz: You--You didn't even wait for the "when you fell from heaven" part.

Klaus: Everything hurts.

Viktor: It's called "my life so far"

Viktor: [takes a deep breath]

Luther: Everybody else always panics for some reason, so then I have to start panicking too, or I feel left out.

Five: I sit back and watch. Diego and Klaus running around screaming their heads off over a creature no bigger than their hand is just too hilarious.

Viktor: I gently pick him up and put him outside.

Klaus: I just scream super loud and call for Five or Viktor to handle it.

Diego: Avenge you.

Five: What??

Allison: Eye for an eye!

Five: NO! The answer is get yourselves to safety and continue on without me!

Luther: WHAT?

Viktor: Why would we do that?!

Klaus: O'hana means family! And family means nobody gets left behind!

Luther: Our father is dead!

Viktor: Can I--Can I force you to drink water?

Klaus: Can I force you to drink exclusively Coke Zero?

Allison: Klaus, how are you ALIVE?!

Klaus: God isn't finished with me yet and she never will be.

Luther: Don't you ever get thirsty??

Klaus: Coke Zero sate that thirst

Five: [not even looking up from his book] Coke Zero's main ingredient is water, actually.

Klaus:

Klaus: On God?

Five: On God.

Klaus:

Klaus: Won't be drinking Coke Zero again.

Luther:

Luther: To specify, I meant "after fifteen minutes". Don't drink fifteen coffees.

Viktor: Some people have instant coffee