Saving memes to use

❝This is not your… not your fault. Promise me… you’ll escape from this place.❞ ❝There’re better places to take a nap that on the ground, you know. Give me your hand.❞ ❝You’ve escaped fate this time, rogue, but remember—justice always prevails!❞ ❝Struggle all you want! You cannot unwrite what is already written!❞ ❝Who wants to try my lance on for size first? I know where it belongs, shoved right up your…❞ ❝Snuck in some practice, if you know what I mean…What? No, FIGHTING practice.❞ ❝How can you be so blind to [NAME]’s incredible charms?! How dare you not be attracted to him/her!❞ ❝You dare take such a tone… with your own father?!❞ ❝Do you think I’d be out here if I were ONLY after girls!?❞ ❝If you believe in any gods, you’d better pray to them now!❞ ❝You know, prices aren’t the only thing I can cut in two.❞ ❝You can’t kill a dead man, sweetheart.❞ ❝You realized your mistake quickly enough. It could have been much more awkward.❞ ❝I could break their ranks as easily as I break wind!❞ ❝Do you have any more of those?!❞ ❝Turn my back one minute and you’re married. The next minute? A baby!❞ ❝Glory be! You’re salvageable after all!❞ ❝Oh gods. I raised a philanderer.❞ ❝Look, I know I’m unbelievably sexy, but you don’t have to stare so hard.❞ ❝…Well, it looks… edible? At least?❞ ❝I’m asking you to marry me, idiot!❞ ❝Let our extremely protracted duel to the death begin!❞ ❝What manner of madman would allow you a turn at cooking for the camp?❞ ❝Allies?“ You expect me to rely on you in combat?❞ ❝Your only expertise is in flirting, and you still fail spectacularly! I’ll take my chances alone!❞ ❝I honestly cannot tell sometimes if you’re a genius or a complete dimwit.❞ ❝You see, sometimes when two people… Things happen. Stuff… *mumbles* Okay, I like you.❞ ❝My body is ready! The next sample, if you please!❞ ❝What is this? Is it edible? I haven’t eaten in minutes…❞ ❝This exercise is great for building stomach muscles. Come on, just 300! 299… 298…❞ ❝My arm. You’re touching my arm…Please stop touching my arm.❞ ❝I am SO sorry about earlier! I had no idea you were in the bath…❞ ❝Strap yourself in and get ready to ride the flavor stallion!❞ ❝Hold still! You’re making this harder than it has to be.❞ ❝It should prove quite elucidating to dissect you piece by piece…❞ ❝Not another step, potato molester! Stealing food is wrong!❞ ❝Now you’re a piece of work. Got a lot to gain by picking on the weak, is that it?❞ ❝We have the rest of our lives! And YOU, my dear, are a catch worth waiting for.❞ ❝I’ll be your hero, you’ll be mine, and together we’ll be everyone else’s!❞ ❝What kind of fool strategist puts himself at the fore of the battle?❞ ❝I love you. And no matter what the future holds, I’m going to cherish every moment.❞ ❝Am I not a thing of beauty~?❞ ❝Anyone else hungry? Because I’m starving!❞ ❝Where I’m from, strength is the only law that matters.❞ ❝You’ll risk your life for us if I give you…a bag of candy?❞ ❝I said “sweeten the deal”, didn’t I?❞ ❝I’m not some fancywaist who needs to strut about like a peacock.❞ ❝This day has been nothing but insults and punches to the groin…❞ ❝It’s just that…your eyes are…so very shiny and pretty… Like two pools…of…something…❞ ❝Surrender? Sorry, I’m not familiar with the word!❞ ❝I am a warrior of the sword. Nothing fazes me. Nothing!❞ ❝Gah, just p-please stop…hugging too tight… C-can’t…breathe…❞ ❝Turns out the business end of my sword is me!❞ ❝I…I love you, you bastard. There, I said it! Now don’t ask me again!❞ ❝Look at all that you can accomplish if you try.❞ ❝I don’t make threats. I make promises.❞ ❝Everyone’s staring! How embarassing…❞

❝ and they say summoning demons never solves anything! ❞ ❝ are you serious? right in front of my inquisition? ❞ ❝ at this point, the headache i’m developing is preferable to the templar order. ❞ ❝ carry on. i love to kill people. ❞ ❝ date a girl who summons demons. ❞ ❝ don’t worry. getting in all kinds of trouble and saving the world are what i’m best at. ❞ ❝ don’t worry. kissing girls and killing templars are what i’m best at. ❞ ❝ for 8000 sovereigns a month i will stop getting in all kinds of trouble. ❞ ❝ gather your party and get in all kinds of trouble? ❞ ❝ getting eaten by dragons is human culture. ❞ ❝ guess i’ll summon demons. ❞ ❝ have you ever licked an apostate in winter? ❞ ❝ he say “do you love me?” i tell him “only partly” i only love my necromancy and my dragons, i’m sorry. ❞ ❝ gather your party and suffer various deaths of body and spirit? ❞ ❝ i am dying of something worse than death. magical fisting. ❞ ❝ i destroy the world because it’s the right thing to do. ❞ ❝ i have a purpose. i have pretty girls. ❞ ❝ i want to be a dog. ❞ ❝ if all else fails, raise the dead. ❞ ❝ if she breathes she’s an abomination. ❞ ❝ improvise. adapt. kill ancient gods. ❞ ❝ it was a dark time. there was one light. dragons. ❞ ❝ it’s a good day to bring doom upon all the world. ❞ ❝ it’s nothing personal, i just don’t work with bald people. ❞ ❝ it’s over, ____. i have the egg. ❞ ❝ last night, i saw ____ helping people … then he blew up the chantry. i tell you he must be an abomination or something. ❞ ❝ magic exists to raise the dead and never to save people. change my mind. ❞ ❝ make ____ bald again. ❞ ❝ news of the hour: ____ is an ass. ❞ ❝ nobody steals my dwarf. ❞ ❝ nobody steals my good hair. ❞ ❝ oh, hello … i’m suffering various deaths of body and spirit. would you like to join me? ❞ ❝ once i learn how to unite the lands against the blight it’s over for you bitches. ❞ ❝ press f to unite the lands against the blight. ❞ ❝ self care is uniting the lands against the blight. ❞ ❝ some people??? destroy the world???? to cope??????? ❞ ❝ sometimes to achieve the world one desires, one must put on a dress and dance the remigold. ❞ ❝ the dogs had sought to usurp heaven. but instead, they destroyed it. ❞ ❝ this is so sad alexa summon demons. ❞ ❝ those bastards made me get rid of my goat. poor ser crush-something-soft-and-watch-it-fountain-blood-a-lot. ❞ ❝ though darkness closes, i am shielded by pretty girls. ❞ ❝ what is needed now is not another templar order, but fine dwarven crafts, direct from ____. ❞ ❝ when i was in the circle, demonic possession was only a game. ❞ ❝ while you were partying, i brought doom upon all the world. ❞ ❝ while you were partying, i made this place a sanctum of healing and salvation. ❞ ❝ woman laughing alone with swords. ❞ ❝ you hear that, ____? i’m a giant spider. ❞ ❝ you just can’t throw a decent party without kissing witches. ❞ ❝ you should kiss someone else. like me. i like being kissed. ❞ ❝ your cat is a gift, but it’s also a curse. ❞

“  wow.  you’re a dick.  ”

🌙+ your own

❛  right  .  yup  .  definitely  repressed  that  memory  .  ❜ ❛  weren’t  you  the  one  who  threw  that  flaming  tennis  ball  at  the  police  station  ?  no  -  wait  .  that  was  me  .  ❜ ❛  aw  man  a  nap  sounds  great  !  if  sleep  wasn’t  ,  you  know  ,  for  the  weak  .  ❜ ❛  i  think  someone  needs  to  do  a  three - point  turn  on  their  attitude  .  ❜ ❛  I  GOT  A  PROBLEM  WITH  AUTHORITY  !  ❜ ❛  you  can  never  be  too  sure  .  see  that  baby  in  the  stroller  over  there  ?  government  operative  .  ❜ ❛  you  know  ,  frisbees  are  traditionally  caught  with  your  hands  ,  not  your  face  .  ❜ ❛  children  in  general  are  just  …  tough  .  ❜ ❛  …  are  you  just  afraid  to  meet  new  people  ?  ❜ ❛  c’mon  ,  what’d  we  say  about  meeting  new  people  ? ❛  …  perhaps  i  should  leave  saying  “  baby  ”  to  the  professionals  .  ❜ ❛  i  am  in  no  way  fit  to  be  responsible  for  any  living  thing  ,  including  and  especially  myself  .  one  time  ,  i  drank  an  entire  jar  of  marinara  sauce  for  dinner  .  it   was  unholy  .  ❜ ❛  medium  sized  dog  ,  handkerchief  around  the  neck  ,  i  get  to  name  it  .  that’s  what  it’ll  cost  me  to  give  up  on  my  dreams  .  ❜ ❛  yeah  it’s  just  like  ,  my  entire  future  .  no  big  deal  .  ❜ ❛  are  you  actually  fine  or  are  you  just  saying  that  ?  ❜ ❛  okay  ,  cool  .  while  you  do  that  i’m gonna  do  some  drugs  and  commit  some  light  arson  .  ❜ ❛  i  would’ve  expected  you  guys  to  be  up  to  white  collar  crime  by  this  point  .  maybe  money  laundering  at  the  least  .  ❜ ❛  i  love  someone  who  knows  their  way  around  balls  .  ❜ ❛  i  -  i  ,  uh  .  don’t  normally  …  do  this  …  ❜ ❛  aw  man  .  i  was  kinda  hoping  you  had  gotten  kidnapped  and  i  was  gonna  have  to  come  rescue  you  .  ❜ ❛  …  have  you  been  reading  my  tweets  ?  nevermind  .  ❜ ❛  you’re  a  beautiful  work  in  progress  .  ❜ ❛  we  have  to  be  fashionably  late  .  who  shows  up  anywhere  on  time  ?  ❜ ❛  i’d  shake  your  hand  but  i  have  a  glass  of  wine  to  tend  to  .  ❜ ❛  this  plate  of  cookies  is  my  new  _____  .  bye  .  ❜ ❛  that’s  cold  blooded  .  i  like  that  .  ❜ ❛  kids  ,  right  ?  gotta  love  ‘em  .  you’re  required  to  by  law  .  ❜ ❛  i’m  tired  of  talking  to  old  dudes  who  blame  my  generation  for  the  failing  economy  .  ❜ ❛  i  think  i  just  have  to  accept  the  fact  that  as  an  adult  ,  i’ve  become  the  machine  i  once  raged  against  and  accept  my  fate  to  unironically  wear  socks  with  sandals  .  ❜ ❛  my  ,  do  you  know  how  to  treat  a  lady  .  ❜ ❛  i  think  i  might  have  taped  over  a  veggietales  VHS  with  the  shining  .  who  knows  .  ❜ ❛  he’s  probably  stuffing  dirt  into  his  mouth  .  who  knows  ?  toddlers  are  pretty  resilient  .  ❜ ❛  you’re  not  gonna  do  the  thing  where  you  wait  silently  for  me  to  come  home  in  the  living  room  with  all  the  lights  off  ,  are  you  ?  ❜ ❛  you  really  scared  me  .  just  …  please  don’t  do  that  again  .  ❜

I won the contest of the daddies, so I am daddy fair and square. I am v proud

Don’t you dare try to stop me from fucking something that can crush me with their bare hands

Free Question! Add your own question here.

❝ i hate small talk. ❞

scold them on it. yell at them. put them to bed. mess with them. anything your muse wants to do to mine, do it.

send “boo! reverse” for the other way around.

ALT. send ‘reverse’ for the opposite to happen!!

ALT. send me ‘sparkles’ for the reverse!

“I’ll tell you everything wrong with ___ in less than ___ minutes.” “The first problem is that you exist,” “This scene does not include a lap dance and I’m disappointed.” “Stealing by accident is still stealing.” “You’re enunciating through your nose.” “Apparently saying 'I don’t know’ in a lecture about the pyramids is a huge no-no.” “Oh. Awesome. Could you be a little more vague?” “I have never heard anyone use that pronunciation in my life.” “Only dopey nerds have allergies.” “You know you’re a workaholic when getting called back to work is the only thing that can snap you out of your deep depression caused by your son accidentally killing himself.” “The hell? Do you even coffee?” “You brought in  an expert to help you decipher the code but you didn’t show him everything? The fuck kind of logic are you following?” “He’s drawing on the screen with a permanent marker!” “And so he owned it. But he was stupid, so he put it in storage.” “First of all, that was morbid.” “You look beautiful and all, but maybe now’s not the right time to be posing or photos.” “You’re not even offering anything? Just an open hand of gentrification?” “Yes, the questions was lame, but you didn’t have to be such a dick-tard about it.” “I’m killing, smoking, and having everyone else do the work. You really have to appreciate my growth into a beautiful person.” “That guy may have a big dick, but he also IS a big dick. Dick.” “That’s like recycling all the onscreen actions of Two Girls, One Cup.” “That’s the ‘I’m totally in love with them but have no chance’ face.” “BDSM isn’t open during business hours.” “I know you’re comically inept so I’ll let this one go.” “Bonding by way of vandalism. Hmm- Bondalism?” “That’s the fancy way of saying you killed him.” “Sure, the one thing…. the ONE THING you had to do in the middle of a kidnapping plot is to fire a flare up in the goddamn air.” “Your friend is the valedictorian of this school? How badly did everyone else fuck up for them to become the valedictorian?” “To be fair, those birds shouldn’t be chirping. They should be eating that person I killed.” “Not even the wind or that Bronco could undo the mid-life crisis look in your hair.” “Nothing good happens when it involves gloves and a Bronco.” “You’re perfect, in a perfect home and likely have a perfect florist, so why  not buy the real thing instead of a painting?” “She was taking that dog to wherever as an accessory, which makes her an awful person and thus rightly tortured for the rest of her life.” “You even walk like a thoroughbred horse at the Kentucky Derby.” “Bow down, bitches.” “Have you see the shit down here? We don’t need no parental advisory.” “Please tell me she didn’t flood the city again just to make this video.” “Ooooh, it’s a metaphor.” “These are some stupid rules.” “I would hope the things you eat didn’t complain, because they should be already dead.”